南山鬆

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周末一笑：萬聖節的笑話

(2014-10-31 16:27:01) 下一個

1 為抄近路走墓地The Cemetery Shortcut

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs。

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows。

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones。

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

萬聖節派對過後，兩男人圖個樂嗬，打算抄近路穿過墓地回家。

走到墓地中央時，他們被從迷霧中傳來的“答、答、答”聲驚嚇到了。　　

　　正當兩人害怕得渾身顫抖時，他們看到是個老頭拿著鐵錘和鑿子，在一塊墓石上鑿著什麽。

“哇塞，先生，”其中一人喘了口氣說，“你把我們嚇得半死啊，我們還以為遇上鬼了呢！那麽晚了你在這裏做什麽？”

“那幫白癡！”老頭抱怨道，“他們把我名字拚錯啦！”

2 萬聖節晚會Halloween Party

We're having a Halloween party at school. I'm dressed up like Dracula. Man, I look cool! I made my hair black and I cut off my bangs. I'm wearing a cape and some fake plastic fangs. I put on some makeup to paint my face white, like creatures that only come out in the night. My fingernails, too, are all pointed and red. There's no doubt I look like the evil undead. My mom drops me off and I run into school, And suddenly feel like the world's biggest fool. The other kids stare like I'm some kind of freak. The Halloween party is not till next week.

我們將在學校舉辦一個萬聖節晚會。我裝扮成吸血鬼的樣子。看，我多酷！我把我的頭發染成黑色，剪去劉海，我穿上鬥篷和戴上假的塑料尖牙。我用化妝品把臉塗白，像那些僅在夜裏出世的生靈。我的手指甲也是尖的，紅色的。毫無疑問我看上去就像個不死的惡魔。母親讓我下了車，我衝進了學校，突然我感覺自己像是世界上最大的傻子。其他的孩子像看怪物一樣地瞪著我，萬聖節晚會要到下星期才開始呢。

3 萬聖節服裝Halloween Costume

A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a Halloween party, and I want to go as Adam."

The girl brings out a fig leaf.

But he says, "Not big enough!"

So she brings out a bigger one.

"Still not big enough!"

So she brings out a HUGE fig leaf.

"Still not big enough!" he proudly tells her.

So she says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"

一個男人進入一個服飾店。他說：“我要去一個萬聖節聚會，我想去亞當。”

女孩拿出一塊遮羞布。

但他說，“還不夠大！”

於是，她拿出了一個更大的。

“還是不夠大！”

於是，她拿出了一個巨大的遮羞布。

“還是不夠大！”他得意地告訴她。

於是，她說，“聽著，高手，你為什麽不把它披在肩膀上扮做加油管？”

4 還沒收拾的床unmade bed

Patty came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?"

The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"

萬聖節時佩岑遇到了一個頭上頂著一床單的男孩，就問，“你是鬼嗎？”

男孩回答說：“不，當然不是！我是還沒收拾的床！”

5 有點晚了A little late

A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"

一具骷髏去看醫生。醫生看了看骨架，說：“你是不是有點晚了？”

6 魔鬼 The Devil

A woman, whose husband often came home drunk, decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork. "Who are you?" he asked. "I'm the Devil!" she responded. "Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

一個女人，她的丈夫經常喝醉了回家，她決定治治他的壞習慣。一個萬聖節之夜，她穿上了魔鬼樣式的衣服，躲在他回家路上的一棵樹後。當她的丈夫路過時，她跳了出來，她帶著她的紅角，長長的尾巴，和幹草叉站在他麵前。 “你是誰？”他問。 “我是魔鬼！” 她回答。 “好了，來吧，跟我回家，”他說，“我和你的姊妹結婚了！”

（from Internet)

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