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1 急救課First-aid class
A man was telling friends how first-aid classes had prepared him for an emergency.
一個男子正在告訴朋友們急救課是如何讓他為突發事件做好準備的。
“I saw a woman hit by a car,” he said, “She had a broken arm, a twisted knee and a skull fracture.” “How horrible! What did you do?” “Thanks to my first-aid training I knew just how to handle it. I sat on the curb and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting.”
“我看見一個女人被車子撞了,“他說,“她手臂斷了,膝蓋彎曲,頭骨破裂。”“太可怕了!你做了些什麽?”“因為我上過急救培訓,我知道該怎麽處理這件事,我在路邊坐下來,把我的頭放在膝蓋上,以防止昏倒。”
2 你今天晚上要幹什麽去?What are you going to do this evening?
Mrs. Jones was still cleaning the house when her husband came back from work. She was wearing dirty old clothes and no stockings, her hair was not tidy, she had dust on her face, and she looked dirty and tired. Her husband looked at her and said, “Is this what I come home to see after a hard day’s work?”
瓊斯太太正在家裏打掃房間,這時,她的丈夫下班回來了。瓊斯太太穿著又髒又舊的衣服,光著腳,頭發亂糟糟的,臉上還滿是灰塵,她看起來髒兮兮的,一臉倦容。她丈夫看到這一切,說:“這就是我辛辛苦苦一天回家要看到的嗎?”
Mrs. Jones’s neighbor, Mrs. Black, was there. When she heard Mr. Jones’ words, she quickly said good-bye and ran back to her house. Then she washed, brushed and combed her hair carefully, put on her pettiest stockings, painted her face, and waited for her husband to come home.
瓊斯太太的鄰居——布萊克太太當時也在場,她聽到瓊斯先生的話,立刻告辭,跑回家去。她洗臉漱口梳頭,穿上她最好的衣服和最漂亮的襪子,化好妝,等著她的丈夫回家。
When he arrived, he was hot and tired. He walked slowly into the house, saw his wife and stopped. Then he shouted angrily, “and what are you going to do this evening?”
布萊克先生回來時,又熱又累,他拖著腳步慢慢地走進屋子,看到妻子,他停住了腳步,生氣地大聲吼道:“你今天晚上要幹什麽去？”
3 第三隻雞留著自己吃The third, you may keep for yourself
A rich farmer’s son, who had been bred at the university, always came at Christmas, to visit his father and mother.
一個有錢的農民有一個兒子,他在大學接受過教育,總是聖誕節回家去看望他的父母。
One evening, they were all three at supper, and two fowls having been served up, he told them that, by logic and arithmetic, he could prove those two chickens to be three.
一天晚上,他們三人在一起吃晚飯,有兩隻雞被端上來,他用邏輯與計算的知識告訴他們,他能證明兩隻雞可以變成三隻。
“Well, said his father,” you ought to teach us how that can be done.
“好啊,”他父親說。“你應該教教我們怎麽做。”
“Why!” Cried the scholar. “This is one, and that,” continued he, “Is two; one and two, you know, make three.”
“哎呀,”學者叫道:“這是一,那個,”他接著說:“是二,一加二,你知道,等於三。”
“Very clever, indeed, and very funny,” returned the father, “but you ought to have told us also, how we are to divide those two fowls among us three, Perhaps you could not have managed that so easily, so I will assist you: your mother shall have the first fowl, I will have the second, and the third, you may keep for yourself, as reward for your great learning.”
“非常聰明,真的,而且很有趣,”父親回答道,“但是你也應該告訴我們,我們如何分配那兩隻雞,也學你解決起來不會那麽容易,所以我來幫助你,你媽媽應該吃第一隻,我吃第二隻,第三隻你應該留給自己,作為你學得好的獎勵。”
4 請勿觸摸Hand off
At the art museum the sign “Hand off” was displayed before the statue of Venus. It was very easy to notice.
在藝術博物館裏,擺著維納斯雕像前的指示牌”Hand off”(請勿觸摸)非常顯眼,很容易看到。
A small child looked from the sign to the statue and said disinterestedly, “Anybody can see that her hand has fallen off.”
有個幼兒看看指示牌,又看看雕像,然後很淡漠地說:“誰都看到她是掉了一隻手嘛!”
5農場主和理發師The farmer and barber
When life was very hard, a farmer said to a barber:”Now corn’s lower in price. I think you should shave for half price. ”
生活很艱難的時候,一個農場主對理發師說:“現在糧食跌價了,你給人刮臉也應該隻收半價。”
“I can’t, sir,” said the barber, “I really should charge more because when corn’s cheap, farmers are unhappy and worried. All of them make such long faces that I have twice the ground to go over.”
“不行啊,先生。”理發師說,“其實我應該多收一點錢的,因為糧食跌價了,農場主都很不高興了,發愁了,一個個都愁得把臉拉得很長。我要刮的地方比原來大了一倍啦。”
6 誰是對的Who is right
After the couple’s quarreling, the husband shouted: “You should remember that no matter what tine it is, what the man is thinking of is right, and his judgment is correct, but you women are always do the opposite.”
夫妻吵架後,丈夫嚷道:“你該記住,無論什麽時候,男人的思考都是對的,判斷準確無誤，而女人卻恰恰相反。”
The wife answered, “Yes, that you chose me to be your wife is right, but my choosing you as my husband is a big mistake!”
妻子回答道:“是呀,你選我做妻子是絕對正確的,而選你做丈夫是大錯特錯!”
嗯，問好叔丁，周末快樂！
哈哈，小小，周末快樂！
問好點點，做人難，做女人更難啊~
我開始還以為他會去救受傷的人呢：）
減肥時代，理發師不容易啊~
點點，周末快樂！
尼斯好！最後的妻子很聰明哈：）
尼斯，周末快樂！
會一些急救方法的大好處就是遇事先把自己搞定。
估計如今的理發師都要少賺錢了，尤其是美國的理發師，因為人們吃得太爆了，臉都給撐圓了。哈哈哈哈哈哈哈。
謝謝小鬆！！！！！！祝周末愉快！
祝阿鬆周末愉快！
美麗好！覺得你家小寶很有幽默細胞：）
美麗，周末快樂！
問好雪花！祝天天開心快樂！
Thanks Rebecca! I am glad you like it:)
Have a nice weekend!
含嫣好！有一陣子沒見了，真高興見到你，擁抱一個！
含嫣，周末快樂！
謝謝鬆鬆， 周末愉快!
問候鬆鬆闔家夏安！