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周末一笑：我沒有睡著（轉載）

(2014-07-05 06:35:03) 下一個

1. I Wasn't Asleep我沒有睡著

When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

當一群婦女上車之後，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒！”

“我沒有睡著。”那個男人回答。

“沒睡著？可是你眼睛都閉上了呀？”

“我知道，我隻是不願意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。”

2. The poor husband/可憐的丈夫

"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多麽的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然後自己回答了，過後又花半個小時跟我解釋為什麽我的答案是錯的。”

3. Does the dog know the proverb,too? 狗也知道這個諺語嗎？

The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

“沒有關係，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？”

4. Where is the father? 父親在哪兒？

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀！”

“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，隻有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？”

哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”

5. One Engine Left隻剩一個引擎

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭裏傳來了機長的聲音：“旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。隻是我們要因此晚到一小時　。”過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：“各位，你們猜怎麽啦　？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。隻有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。”正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：“看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

6. Bring me the winner給我那個打贏的吧

Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

Well, bring me the winner then.

服務員，這個龍蝦隻有一隻爪。

對不起，先生，這隻肯定打過架了。

哦，那給我那個打贏的吧。

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