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1. A special football game一場特殊的足球比賽
Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream."
"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher.
"Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.
麥克上學遲到了。他對布萊克老師說：“對不起，老師，今天早上我遲到了。因為我在夢裏觀看了一場球賽。”
“為什麽它會讓你遲到呢？”老師問道。
“因為這兩個隊都沒有能力獲勝，所以就持續的時間長了。”麥克回答說。
2. Two Birds 兩隻鳥
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, and the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老師：這兒有兩隻鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪隻是燕子，哪隻是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
3. Snorer 瞌睡者
The preacher was vexed（生氣的） because a certain member of his congregation（集會，聖會） always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start（嚇一跳）, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit（講道壇）, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧師非常生氣，因為總有一個人在他說教時打瞌睡。
一個星期天，正當坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時睡覺。於是他低聲對信徒們說：“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧。”所有的人都站了起來——當然，除了那個打瞌睡的人。在低聲說過請坐後，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請站起來！”
打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來。看到牧師高站在教壇上，正生氣的看著他。這個人說道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們在選什麽，但看上去隻有你和我是候選人。”
4. I'm Glad 我很高興
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she, has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?
Please, teacher, said a small boy, I've made someone glad yesterday.
Well done. Who was that?
My granny.
Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.
Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, ‘Granny, I'm going home,’ and she said, ‘Well, I'm glad’！
一個主日學校的老師正在對學生講使別人高興的重要性。現在，孩子們，她說：你們當中有誰讓別人高興過？
我，老師，一個小男孩說：昨天我就使別人高興過。
做得好，是誰呢？
我奶奶。
好孩子，現在告訴我們，你是怎樣使你奶奶高興的。
是這樣的，老師。我昨天去看她，在她那兒呆了三個小時。然後我跟她說：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她說：‘啊，我很高興！’
5. I've come to install the phone我是來裝電話的
A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."
一個年輕人剛剛開始做生意，就租了一個漂亮的辦公室。一天，他坐在辦公室裏，看到有一個人在外麵，於是他就裝作生意很忙的樣子，拿起電話胡吹亂侃，還不停的甩出幾個大數字，好像在談一筆大買賣。
到了最後，他終於掛了電話，問來訪的人，“有事兒嘛?”那個人回答，“我是來給你安裝電話的。”
6. Now I have two skunks in there現在那兒有兩隻臭鼬了
"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"
"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."
Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.
"No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"
“我們的地下室裏有一隻臭鼬，”打電話的人對警察調度員尖叫道。“我們怎樣才能把它弄出來？”
“弄一些麵包屑，”調度員說;“從地下室往外鋪一條小道直到後院。然後將地下室的門打開。”
一段時間後，那人又打電話打了回來。“你們將它弄出來了嗎？”調度員問他。
“沒有，”打電話的人答道，“現在那兒有兩隻臭鼬了。”
問好點點！你也很聰明哦~~~
點點，新周快樂！
問好貝卡！祝周末開心快樂！
哈哈，波波，希望我們永遠都年輕哈～～～
波波，周末快樂！
喚喚好！不是我譯的，搬網上現成的翻譯：）
喚喚，周末快樂！
美麗好！不是我翻譯的，從網上搬的：）
美麗，周末快樂！
鬆姐姐翻譯的？讚一個！
周末愉快!
哈哈，雪花，老師一頂心裏明白：）#5，真是何時都不要裝模做樣~~~
雪花，周末快樂！
花甲老翁，周末快樂！
謝謝鬆鬆分享! 周末愉快!