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1．Blind Date相親
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.
和盲約對象呆了一晚上後，男人再也受不了了。
Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.
他事先安排了個朋友給他打電話，這樣他就能借故先離開了。
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
當他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說：“有個不幸的消息，我的祖父剛剛去世了。”“謝天謝地！”他的約會對象說，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”
2．Do Remember not to Smoke記得別吸煙
A much worried patient walked into doctor's office asking for help:
候診室裏走進一位憂心忡忡的病人，尋求醫生的幫助：
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday!"
“醫生，怎麽辦？我昨天誤喝下一瓶汽油！”
"Oh,...Don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days!"
醫生回答他說：“喔..沒關係啦！記得這幾天不要抽煙！”
3．Serious Chat嚴肅的聊天
Alice and Monica were having a rare heart to heart talk.
Alice 和Monica正在促膝談心，這可是很罕見的。
“What’d you consider your worst vice?” Alice asked.
Alice問：“你認為你最大的缺點是什麽？”
“I don’t like to admit it.” Monica said. “But my worst vice was my vanity. Sometimes I sit in front of the mirror and just admire my face.”
Monica說：“我不得不承認我最大的缺點是虛榮。有時候我坐在鏡子前麵就隻是欣賞自己的臉。”
“I wouldn’t worry about it.” Said Alice. “That’s not vanity, that’s imagination.”
Alice說：“那不要緊，那不是虛榮，那隻是想象而已。”
4．Six or Twelve?六還是十二?
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she‘d like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she‘d like to have it cut into: six or twelve. “Oh, goodness, six please,” said the blonde. “I don‘t think I could ever eat twelve.”
一位金發女郎走進一家比薩店，她說想要一個中比薩，店員問她希望把比薩切成六塊還是十二塊。“噢，天啊，請幫我切成六塊。”女郎說，“我可不認為我能吃得下十二塊比薩。
5．When a Tiger comes老虎來了
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.
兩個男人正在穿過叢林，突然，一隻老虎出現在遠處，向他們衝來。
One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"
其中的一個人從包裏拿出一雙“耐克”鞋，開始穿上。另一個人驚奇地看著他說，“你以為穿上這個就可以跑得過老虎嗎？”
His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."
他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得過它，我隻要跑得比你快就行了。”
6．Pink Suit Sale 粉紅西裝賣出去了
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.
服裝店經理吃完午餐回來，發現店員的手包上了繃帶，沒等他問，店員告訴他一個非常好的消息。
"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"
“猜猜看發生什麽事了，經理。”店員說，“我終於把那套一直壓在這兒的難看透頂的西裝賣出去了！”
"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked.
“不是那件粉紅帶藍條的雙排扣套裝吧！那套衣服實在太可怕了！”
"That's the one!"
“就是那件。”
"That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?"
“太棒了！”經理叫道，“我一直以為我們無法處理掉那件怪物了，那是我們有過最難看的西裝。對了，你的手怎麽上繃帶了？”
"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."
“哦，”店員說，“當我把那件西裝賣給客人以後，他的導盲犬撲上來咬了我一口。”
謝謝燕燕！問好並祝新周快樂！
尼斯好！憂鬱的文字看夠了，就看看快樂的，輪流來哈~
尼斯，新周快樂！
因為朋友說我總看憂鬱的文字，這樣不好。
問好阿鬆！
謝謝小婷鼓勵，祝你天天快樂！
問好spot321！
看來有些相親的也人都知道對方的托詞和借口：）
spot321，周末快樂！
哈哈。。。。。。最喜歡這句話！看來被相親所害的人不是少數呢！你能找到這些真是不容易！謝謝！
祝下周愉快！！
問好姍姍，周末快樂！
問好君子，周末快樂！
謝謝鬆鬆的幽默笑話，周末快樂！
謝謝鬆鬆的幽默笑話，周末快樂！
謝謝鬆鬆分享！
鬆鬆周末愉快！
問好小和尚MM,周末快樂！
給沙發上的銅兒上茶：）
桐兒，周末快樂！
哈哈哈，好笑話。謝謝鬆鬆帶來的輕鬆時刻。