昨天在圖書館借了不少書和DVD，抱著走到門口的時候，正想著騰出手來去開門，門卻自己開了。回頭一看，原來是負責打掃衛生的非洲裔的小夥子在按自動開門的裝置。還沒等我來得及說謝謝，他衝我笑著搖搖手。事情不大，但讓人感受到那種相互之間的彼此關注和幫助。
讓我想起，過去國內絕大多數的門都不是可以自動關閉的，所以，在許多地方，象辦公室，會議室，實驗室，圖書館等，常見這樣的標誌，提醒公共場合進出者隨手關門。
雖然連小學生都認識這四個字，但許多人無視這個提示的存在，到處長驅直入。記得有一年冬天在學校研究生的小圖書館看書，和幾個同學坐在緊靠門口的座位，很為那些無視提醒，進屋後讓圖書館的門敞開，任冷風吹入的人的行為頭疼。等到下一個人進圖書館沒有關門的時候，一位同學開了個不無善意的玩笑，喊了一聲，尾巴夾住了吧？那位同學一愣，然後反應過來，不好意思的把門關上了。另一個同學來了個更邪乎的，對兩個沒有關門的男同學說，哎，看見地上的血嗎？有人的尾巴給夾住了。
到了美國，幾乎所有的門都是自動關上的，所以見不到這種提醒隨手關門的標誌了。新的習慣是留門，就是在門關上之前，看一下是否有人在你後麵，要扶著門等後邊的人。乘電梯也是如此，見有人要過來乘電梯的時候，就按住開門的按鍵，等一下。
第一次認識到這樣做的“重要性”還是從孩子上小學的經曆體會到的。記得孩子上學後不久，有一天回來後頗有幾分自豪的說，今天老師選他做door-holder，下課時，為全班的同學開門，並扶著門，等大家離開教室。以後，幾乎每次我們全家外出的時候，他都要先去開門，等我們都出來後再關上門，維持了好長一段時間。
美國人說這是紳士風度，就像為女士或長者開門一樣重要。大家基本都自覺遵守這個不成文的禮儀，包括教授，係主任。但也有例外，我們的研究樓裏經常有醫學生出入，同事發現，如果幾個醫學生一起出入的話，他們/她們就經常無視這條禮儀，走在最後的那個醫學生多會“忘記”留門，讓門自動關上，哪怕有人就跟在後麵。而PhD們則都會隨手扶住門，提供點方便。說不上什麽麻煩，但後麵的人都會道聲謝，大家彼此一笑，相識了，甚至成為朋友。
有心理學家說，關門,扶門，雖然小事一樁，但反映出人們的素質，有人就是沒有這種小事與人方便的習慣。據說，三國時期的劉備稱：“勿以惡小而為之，勿以善小而不為”。過去有句話為，助人為樂。與人方便，自己心情也好。
在網上查到，對此還真有很認真的討論呢。
I was walking into an elevator and just before thedoor closed I saw an old man from a bit away walking into the apartment lobbyon crutches. The elevator door actually closed on me, but I kept pressing itand it re-opened. I held the door open and helped the old man get into theelevator and to the floor he needed to get to. He didn’t speak English, but hesmiled and nodded to me, haha, it was a cool feeling :)
Sometimes, I know I have done it before, I don’tre-open elevator doors for others because I’m in a rush or I think well it’sjust too bad for them for missing it. But I realize that is selfish and notloving, but if someone held open the elevator door for me, I know I wouldappreciate it so why not do the same for others?
365 Days of Love Challenge: Open elevator doors backopen for those who just miss it, its a loving thing to do!
You hear the footsteps quickening behind you and you steal aglance over your shoulder. You determine there tobe a four-second differential between you and her. The door is ahead ofyou. What do you do?
A: Keep the door open for her
Scenario 1: 10 happiness points
She says thank you! You feel like prince charming.
Scenario 2: 2 happiness points
She’s too far away, and starts running. She mighthave lots of things in her hands, or be wearing heels. It’s awkward,because the door is actually kinda heavy, you’re actually not too strong, andyou’re pushing the door too close to the hinge, making it even harder. She gets there panting and mutters a barely audible, “Thanks.” beforereadjusting her hair, putting her stuff back in order, and checking her phone.
Scenario 3: -25 happiness points
She keeps walking at the same pace while you struggle tokeep the door open. You actually have to step back out and keep the dooropen while she waltzes by, keeping the same deliberate pace. She doesn’tsay anything because, well, chivalry is expected, not something to be thankfulfor. You swear you’ll never open the door for anyone ever again.
Scenario 4: -10 + (-5^x) happiness points (where x is thenumber of people that walk through)
She walks through, either with scenario 1, 2, or 3, andbefore you have time to close the door more people start walking through,something thanking you and others not. You then have to force on a smilewhile each passing person makes you that much later for wherever it was you weregoing.
B: Don’t keep the door open
All scenarios: -5 points
No matter what, nobody will thank you. People willjudge you. Especially if the person behind you was a lady, and you’re aguy. More people start touting that chivalry is dead and that girls should throw rocks at boys. One plus is that you will be a few steps quicker getting to work, the ice cream truck, or somewhere so important that it can’twait 5 seconds. Another plus is that, since the door’s closed, so youwon’t hear their tsk-tsk’s or feel their glares on your back.
Conclusion:
If you judge that the person behind you is walking at anarrogantly slow pace, or that she is followed by lots of people, quickly passthrough the door and don’t even attempt to keep it open for any longer than ittakes for you to slip through. Otherwise, smile, and help someone out :) It’s empirically proven (by my arbitrary points) to make you relativelyhappier than the alternative.
