正文
非常喜歡你的小D的故事, 除了最後匆忙而慌張的結尾外, 其它部分還是寫的非常細膩到位.
我大概和你年齡差不多吧, 或者比你大個一兩歲, 一直以來在跨壇潛水.這兩天看到你的跟貼, 覺得你好象非常心灰意懶,我希望我的經曆感受和文字或者可以幫助你, 共勉吧.
我也是兩個多月前和男友分手的, 所有失戀的痛苦和空虛我都有並且傷口如同昨日般清晰...具體細節我就不講了, 無非是又一個平淡感傷而瑣碎的故事, 隻說個梗概吧: 我和他是在網上認識的,後來他說他對我的第一印象特別好, 幾乎是立刻就非常喜歡, 我對他第一印象一般,不好不壞, 覺得不是特別帥但是個子很高.我喜歡高個的,加上一些相同的經曆, 所以後來他追我我也就施施然應允了.
我是個比較懶散的人, 當時也有別人在追, 但是他條件比較好加上人又活潑幽默嘴甜, 所以在一和他約會後立刻就不怎麽再上那個DATING的網站了(MISTAKE ONE).
一開始是他比較主動, 我是屬於慢火的那種, 等我的火慢慢的終於被他煨出來以後, 我就把他當成我的知心大媽了, 成長中青澀的經曆, 過往感情的種種傷痛, 父母的不和, 生活的消極瑣碎...事無巨細一一向他述說. 尤其是還居然經常喋喋不休講述我的上一段感情,我的那個多情的癡情的絕情的無情的EX帶給我種種傷痕... (多麽愚蠢低級的錯誤啊)我到現在都驚訝他曾經的耐心和寬容, 可惜永遠再不會有了...
在我肆無忌憚的傾訴裏, 在他耐心寬容的安慰裏, 我慢慢對他越陷越深, 感情上越來越依賴, 也越來越主動(MISTKAE 3)...在我覺得我真的已經很INTO他的時候, 我卻發現他開始BACK OFF,比如打電話的次數明顯減少, 口氣不再熱切, 回電話的時間越拖越長甚至不回...在疑問和討論無果後,他的態度卻更冷淡了...他的轉變讓我很受不了, 我給他寫了一個長長的EMAIL後決定TAKE A BREAK (又是個錯誤). 其實我的目的無非是想GET HIS MORE ATTENTION,也的確是引起了他的注意了--他立刻打電話, 表示不願意分手,然而隨後的那個周末我們都覺得中間的那個裂痕...
這樣分分和和, 加上中間兩地分居的幾個月, 這段感情其實已經很脆弱了,而這之間和之前他的一些行為很深的傷害過我,我一直無法釋懷, 他也一直到最後也沒有給我一個解釋... 可是因為對他的感情, 我就是不能下定決心割舍...
後來他終於調到了我所在的城市(他在認識我之前就申請這個職位了), 在他認為我們終於可以好好在一起的時候, 我卻徹底清醒的認識到我和他性格的巨大差異, 從理智上,我清晰的知道, 我和他是不會幸福的...我還是無法GET OVER他過去對我的傷害, 也不能永遠忍受他性格裏我實在無法接受的那部分, 比如孩子般的狡辯和慌話...同時也開始深深意識我自己曾經犯過的種種錯誤. 在我們分開的幾個月後, 在他終於搬到我的城市以後, 他很驚訝的發現了我的改變:我不再那麽絮絮叨叨了, 所有過去的感情不再是我的BAGGAGE而隻是人生的一段經曆了.我變得獨立,自信甚至是神秘, 同時, 也刻意和他保持一種不遠不近的距離, 再也不是隨時隨刻都AVAILIBLE了, 我甚至有意無意的向他提起兩個正在追我的男生(我根本不喜歡那兩個人, 可沒必要告訴他這個).我發現他看我的眼神又回到了我們剛認識時候的那個樣子, 他態度也越來越小心翼翼和充滿設計的討好了...可是, 我卻清清楚楚的醒悟到他不是那個MR. RIGHT, 盡管我曾經以為他是...我也知道自己致命的弱點: 就是心太軟...如果我不馬上和他分手, 我估計永遠都不可能舍得下定決心和他分手了,這樣隻能誤人誤已而錯誤的越陷越深, 我和他的緣分已經盡了這是明明白白的....
即使是在這樣的境況下的分手, 也居然是如此意想不到的痛苦...如同你說的, 一開始是堅強的, 可是在再也聽不到對方任何消息以後, 在這個自己曾經愛的人永遠消失在人群裏的時候, 那種痛苦,空虛和思念是無法想象的...
但我還是比較理智的, 我告訴自己不能就這樣白白愛了一場, 我之間和之後看了很多關於男人和RELATIONSHIP的書, 自己也總結了很多. 現在看來, 這場戀愛讓我學了很多很多, 讓我從一個在戀愛中毫無心計, 懶散的女孩變成了一個開始懂得這場遊戲規則的人,甚至是製定規則的人...愛情當然不是遊戲,也並非一個充滿心計的博翌, 可是做任何事情都是要遵循規則的, 愛情亦是如此, 這是男人女人的自然規則, 也是人生的規則. 很多愛情, 因為沒有遵循規則也不製定規則, 即使或許最終苟切, 可也一定不是建立在平等和尊敬的基礎上的, 這樣的愛情不是我所想要的.
這是我當初分手時寫的一篇總結日記, 或許對你會有一些幫助. 我在這個壇裏受益不淺, 也希望我這篇小文能給所有在愛情裏苦苦追尋的JMS一些啟發:
My mistakes that i made with his are:
1. made everything too easy for him. As soon as I met him, I stopped checking on-line right away, made him think I have been waiting for somebody like him for so long, made him think I am too eager.
2. Drive to his place doesn\'t matter how big snow it was. Try too hard!
3. Told him everything about my past, every detail. He lose interesting to find more about me, I was not mystery in his eyes at all.
4. show him lots negative side of my life but positive side. He no longer look up me as a prize but look down of me as a nagger for his attention.
5. he was also very disappointed because I am no longer a prize which attracted him at the first place. The more i act proud and look up of myself, the more I will pull him into me, that is also what he wanted. He want to be proud of me, look up at me, and try harder to please me…but because I am too initiative and too easy, too much want to hold of this relationship, so I didn\'t give him any challenge…The latter parts of our relationship are very disappoitment for both sides. I was there, 100% in his hand, he is that kind of guy lose interest easily without challenge…he had much higher expectation towards me, but when I was acting like a door mat, it is just very disappointing…that is also explain why he acted without much respect later on….
6. when I feel his attitude had changed, I should just back off a bit, but I didn\'t. instead, I was nagging, when I didn\'t see any improvement of his behavior, I walked away. It is never good to just walk away unless it is unsolved issue. If I was just be a bit distance instead of walk away, he will come to me to solve the issue.
I still think I did pretty good in the past a few months, I sent him a good email after he asked back, told him there is a chance, also kept my dignity. I fouced on my own life, working on the house. I didn\'t just throw myself into his arm after he finally move to here.. The last 3 months was good, at least he start to respect me, start to please me, start to figure out what I was thinking….If I made myself very available, and acted as same as before, he will never respect me or cherish me. Sure we are over now, but at least it end for good in my side. At least I earned his respect, and use my action told him, that I am not that type of woman who he can take for granted. I did hold on myself finally at least. I didn\'t allow him treat me the way that I didn\'t like. The mistakes I made, made myself no longer special in his eyes. Doesn\'t matter how hard I wanted to make it up, it just doesn\'t work as the way I want it to be. If we have time, I am very confident, I will have him love me back with the way I want to.
It is great lesson that I learned from him, from this relationship. It is great helpful for my next relatiosnhip. This year, I have learned a lot, I am no longer the old me anymore. The more confident I have, the more I am in control of my life, in control of thing that happen to me.
In the past, I have been always complain that he didn\'t really into me, he didn\'t appreciate, and he didn\'t respect enough. I then try to figure out what the problem he has, and now, today, I realized that was also parts of my problems, that is me who made him acted like that. Because I didn\'t treat myself very special, I didn\'t act like a very special and pride girl, when he gave me the shit, I took it…it just push him future more with unrespectable.. Never ever take any uncomfortable behavior from man. Whenever you feel he is not that respectful, don\'t just walk away, but pull back a bit, and he will soon realize and respect you as the way you wanted if he really cares about you.
我大概和你年齡差不多吧, 或者比你大個一兩歲, 一直以來在跨壇潛水.這兩天看到你的跟貼, 覺得你好象非常心灰意懶,我希望我的經曆感受和文字或者可以幫助你, 共勉吧.
我也是兩個多月前和男友分手的, 所有失戀的痛苦和空虛我都有並且傷口如同昨日般清晰...具體細節我就不講了, 無非是又一個平淡感傷而瑣碎的故事, 隻說個梗概吧: 我和他是在網上認識的,後來他說他對我的第一印象特別好, 幾乎是立刻就非常喜歡, 我對他第一印象一般,不好不壞, 覺得不是特別帥但是個子很高.我喜歡高個的,加上一些相同的經曆, 所以後來他追我我也就施施然應允了.
我是個比較懶散的人, 當時也有別人在追, 但是他條件比較好加上人又活潑幽默嘴甜, 所以在一和他約會後立刻就不怎麽再上那個DATING的網站了(MISTAKE ONE).
一開始是他比較主動, 我是屬於慢火的那種, 等我的火慢慢的終於被他煨出來以後, 我就把他當成我的知心大媽了, 成長中青澀的經曆, 過往感情的種種傷痛, 父母的不和, 生活的消極瑣碎...事無巨細一一向他述說. 尤其是還居然經常喋喋不休講述我的上一段感情,我的那個多情的癡情的絕情的無情的EX帶給我種種傷痕... (多麽愚蠢低級的錯誤啊)我到現在都驚訝他曾經的耐心和寬容, 可惜永遠再不會有了...
在我肆無忌憚的傾訴裏, 在他耐心寬容的安慰裏, 我慢慢對他越陷越深, 感情上越來越依賴, 也越來越主動(MISTKAE 3)...在我覺得我真的已經很INTO他的時候, 我卻發現他開始BACK OFF,比如打電話的次數明顯減少, 口氣不再熱切, 回電話的時間越拖越長甚至不回...在疑問和討論無果後,他的態度卻更冷淡了...他的轉變讓我很受不了, 我給他寫了一個長長的EMAIL後決定TAKE A BREAK (又是個錯誤). 其實我的目的無非是想GET HIS MORE ATTENTION,也的確是引起了他的注意了--他立刻打電話, 表示不願意分手,然而隨後的那個周末我們都覺得中間的那個裂痕...
這樣分分和和, 加上中間兩地分居的幾個月, 這段感情其實已經很脆弱了,而這之間和之前他的一些行為很深的傷害過我,我一直無法釋懷, 他也一直到最後也沒有給我一個解釋... 可是因為對他的感情, 我就是不能下定決心割舍...
後來他終於調到了我所在的城市(他在認識我之前就申請這個職位了), 在他認為我們終於可以好好在一起的時候, 我卻徹底清醒的認識到我和他性格的巨大差異, 從理智上,我清晰的知道, 我和他是不會幸福的...我還是無法GET OVER他過去對我的傷害, 也不能永遠忍受他性格裏我實在無法接受的那部分, 比如孩子般的狡辯和慌話...同時也開始深深意識我自己曾經犯過的種種錯誤. 在我們分開的幾個月後, 在他終於搬到我的城市以後, 他很驚訝的發現了我的改變:我不再那麽絮絮叨叨了, 所有過去的感情不再是我的BAGGAGE而隻是人生的一段經曆了.我變得獨立,自信甚至是神秘, 同時, 也刻意和他保持一種不遠不近的距離, 再也不是隨時隨刻都AVAILIBLE了, 我甚至有意無意的向他提起兩個正在追我的男生(我根本不喜歡那兩個人, 可沒必要告訴他這個).我發現他看我的眼神又回到了我們剛認識時候的那個樣子, 他態度也越來越小心翼翼和充滿設計的討好了...可是, 我卻清清楚楚的醒悟到他不是那個MR. RIGHT, 盡管我曾經以為他是...我也知道自己致命的弱點: 就是心太軟...如果我不馬上和他分手, 我估計永遠都不可能舍得下定決心和他分手了,這樣隻能誤人誤已而錯誤的越陷越深, 我和他的緣分已經盡了這是明明白白的....
即使是在這樣的境況下的分手, 也居然是如此意想不到的痛苦...如同你說的, 一開始是堅強的, 可是在再也聽不到對方任何消息以後, 在這個自己曾經愛的人永遠消失在人群裏的時候, 那種痛苦,空虛和思念是無法想象的...
但我還是比較理智的, 我告訴自己不能就這樣白白愛了一場, 我之間和之後看了很多關於男人和RELATIONSHIP的書, 自己也總結了很多. 現在看來, 這場戀愛讓我學了很多很多, 讓我從一個在戀愛中毫無心計, 懶散的女孩變成了一個開始懂得這場遊戲規則的人,甚至是製定規則的人...愛情當然不是遊戲,也並非一個充滿心計的博翌, 可是做任何事情都是要遵循規則的, 愛情亦是如此, 這是男人女人的自然規則, 也是人生的規則. 很多愛情, 因為沒有遵循規則也不製定規則, 即使或許最終苟切, 可也一定不是建立在平等和尊敬的基礎上的, 這樣的愛情不是我所想要的.
這是我當初分手時寫的一篇總結日記, 或許對你會有一些幫助. 我在這個壇裏受益不淺, 也希望我這篇小文能給所有在愛情裏苦苦追尋的JMS一些啟發:
My mistakes that i made with his are:
1. made everything too easy for him. As soon as I met him, I stopped checking on-line right away, made him think I have been waiting for somebody like him for so long, made him think I am too eager.
2. Drive to his place doesn\'t matter how big snow it was. Try too hard!
3. Told him everything about my past, every detail. He lose interesting to find more about me, I was not mystery in his eyes at all.
4. show him lots negative side of my life but positive side. He no longer look up me as a prize but look down of me as a nagger for his attention.
5. he was also very disappointed because I am no longer a prize which attracted him at the first place. The more i act proud and look up of myself, the more I will pull him into me, that is also what he wanted. He want to be proud of me, look up at me, and try harder to please me…but because I am too initiative and too easy, too much want to hold of this relationship, so I didn\'t give him any challenge…The latter parts of our relationship are very disappoitment for both sides. I was there, 100% in his hand, he is that kind of guy lose interest easily without challenge…he had much higher expectation towards me, but when I was acting like a door mat, it is just very disappointing…that is also explain why he acted without much respect later on….
6. when I feel his attitude had changed, I should just back off a bit, but I didn\'t. instead, I was nagging, when I didn\'t see any improvement of his behavior, I walked away. It is never good to just walk away unless it is unsolved issue. If I was just be a bit distance instead of walk away, he will come to me to solve the issue.
I still think I did pretty good in the past a few months, I sent him a good email after he asked back, told him there is a chance, also kept my dignity. I fouced on my own life, working on the house. I didn\'t just throw myself into his arm after he finally move to here.. The last 3 months was good, at least he start to respect me, start to please me, start to figure out what I was thinking….If I made myself very available, and acted as same as before, he will never respect me or cherish me. Sure we are over now, but at least it end for good in my side. At least I earned his respect, and use my action told him, that I am not that type of woman who he can take for granted. I did hold on myself finally at least. I didn\'t allow him treat me the way that I didn\'t like. The mistakes I made, made myself no longer special in his eyes. Doesn\'t matter how hard I wanted to make it up, it just doesn\'t work as the way I want it to be. If we have time, I am very confident, I will have him love me back with the way I want to.
It is great lesson that I learned from him, from this relationship. It is great helpful for my next relatiosnhip. This year, I have learned a lot, I am no longer the old me anymore. The more confident I have, the more I am in control of my life, in control of thing that happen to me.
In the past, I have been always complain that he didn\'t really into me, he didn\'t appreciate, and he didn\'t respect enough. I then try to figure out what the problem he has, and now, today, I realized that was also parts of my problems, that is me who made him acted like that. Because I didn\'t treat myself very special, I didn\'t act like a very special and pride girl, when he gave me the shit, I took it…it just push him future more with unrespectable.. Never ever take any uncomfortable behavior from man. Whenever you feel he is not that respectful, don\'t just walk away, but pull back a bit, and he will soon realize and respect you as the way you wanted if he really cares about you.
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