如何對付 a condescending jerk？

公司裏有這麽個人，幾年之前發生過一個小插曲，讓我認清了他是一個condescending 的jerk, 於是不再和他來往。還好沒有直接工作關係，同在一個公司工作幾年相安無事。 不幸的是，最近一個項目要和他直接合作。事情就這樣發生了。

開始這個項目以來，我對他當然是公事公辦，沒什麽笑臉。他照樣是言談舉止上表現出自以為是，粗魯輕視, 對我的工作幾次提出無理的要求，我也沒跟他計較多少。 直到今天，詳情不多說了，總之是以輕視粗魯的口氣來教我如何做我的工作。我當時氣炸了，跟他爭論幾句之後，感覺到心要從嘴裏跳出來了。於是趕緊離開現場，去做深呼吸…

心跳正常一點之後，去老板辦公室跟他談了。他說別人也有跟他抱怨過此人，但從我的嘴裏出來，看起來比較嚴重。（整個公司裏上上下下，誰我都能處好，就是此人我不能容忍）。 他說要不把整個team都找來談談？我說好吧。於是叫來4個team members. 一個白男，一個白女，一個亞男，我一個亞女。 Compare notes 的結果，白男跟他沒事，白女認為他性別歧視她，亞男認為他也歧視，但每次都馬上反擊，而我就不用多說了。

會議之後，我的老板跟jerk 的老板談了一個小時。 下班前，我的老板告訴我明天上午他的老板會跟jerk談關於歧視/輕視人的態度問題。 然後下午會再召集一個team member 會，包括jerk 在內，討論工作界限問題。老板說我可以但最好不要在會上提他的態度問題。

不知道他老板跟他談後，這個jerk 會不會收斂一點。如果不改，我該怎麽麵對或對付他而不至於氣出心髒病？


後記：

第二天他對我的態度變得很好了, 看來他老板說了他... 下午他的老板（VP)召集我的老板及所有team 又開了一個會，表示要對人尊重，不要"step on others toes" 等. 會後我老板問我是否滿意，我說滿意。真是很感激他所作的這一切。

網友的建議：
There could be two different approaches to consider:

1. After the next not-too-big-not-too-small incident, get him into a room for a private conversation. Stare straight at him and tell him directly that his manner is offending and unacceptable. Tell him that you cannot work with him like this. This shows that you know what he's doing and you are not intimedated by him. Keep your cool and carry out the conversation. Do not finish in a hurry and then flee. He may argue, dismiss everything you say, or say sorry. Regardless, be firm. If he behaves badly, tell him that it's all you want to say, and make sure he leaves first (try something like "Can you excuse me, I need to use the phone here", or "finish something you're working on". If necessary bring your laptop so you can stay and he leaves. It's just a subtle territorial game.

This strategy is to show your agressiveness without hurting his PUBLIC ego.

2. White male chauvinists are typically so full of themsevles. They are either bad brats, lack of confidence about themselves deep inside, or both. This strategy is show him your supremacy in superfluous ways. For exmaple, talking about your brand new luxury car, a 2.5-carat shiny diamond:), an exotic vacation, an expensive dinner outing. And glance over him with 同情的眼光. When talking directly to him, speak with a salt of contempt. Basically let him feel that you are way out of his league.

Don't take these too seriously. :) There wouldn't be jerks if there's a cure. There are problems that simply cannot be solved. This could well be one of them. Keep your cool and sense of humor, ignore him, take a day or two off and dump everything on him at the right time, etc. Hope you can get out of the misery soon. When you do, tell you boss that if you are ever assigned to work with him again, you are going to take a LOA to see a shrink.

網友的忠告：

我媽媽就是在上班時和同時爭執工作問題，突發腦溢血過世的，如果血壓過高的，一定要小心。
他說他的，你按你BOSS的要求做就是了，實在煩了，就讓他跟你BOSS說去，你不聽他說，當他空氣，透明，沒回應，一個巴掌拍不響，相信他也無趣了吧。現在想想我媽多不值呀。