sad again

today I received some call from him again. I did not pick up the call, I know I will never be and want to. I will never excuse him. He was asking his dunkin donuts certificate. I finally sent message to him and tell him I have already thrown all his stuff, so can not find anything anymore. In fact, I still have not done that. I am planning to donate all his clothes to the charity. but now I am so deeply hurted, for what happened. I bought most of clothes for him. when looking at those clothes, I even can remember when and where we purchased together. I was using my heart to select beatifu things for him, but in fact that time he aleardy stayed with other lady. the clothes I choosed is only used for him to show.
     I hate myself to so much care about the love. I still feel sad the brokage of marriage, not for him, but for myself, for my children. How much I did to keep this marriage. but now it is completely empty. after I donate all his clothes, it is really nothing much anymore related to the past.but How much time,energy and money I wasted. who could tell me how sad myself.
     I could not help myself listening to the song "I swear". I had though I got this kind of love from him. I can never imaging this is my destiny, this is my fate. I am always looking for a lasting, persistent and romantic love for a man. but looks it is just in the dream.