divorce fighting start

finally, I started it. I am going to give up this irresposible man, a cheater and a betrayer.
I don't know what will happen, but I know he will not be easy to deal with. He was calling to ask children. but at the same time,he just not paying any money for them. he know that how hard it can be to support so much stuff, he just want to control the way that he want. I am at least easy that I started that I could not imaging before. this means I no longer love him anymore. I really from out to in, fully and totally get rid of him. but this big hurting, I don't know when I could recover. in front of other people, even the closest family and friends, I am so easy. but who knows how many times I was in pain to remember all the past horrible things. this year 2008 is the hardest time for me pass. I need to be strong and I will be.
fortunately, olympia is with me. sometime I am imaging 18 years later, does he know this time her mom is struggling for her. does she know from the first day I had her, she was so much in sadness and arguments. she now is a happy girl, many times I looked at her face, I feel the strength, I wish I could have more time to be with her and dalsten. I wish I could have no worry and just completely focus on these two lovely kids.they are just my whole heart.