香遠益清
民為貴，社稷次之，君為輕。
It is not rare for anonymous attackers despise Chinese women who married their husbands from other countries. I would like to talk back and being heard.
Please allow me to quote the words from an attacker and provide my comment- I may not be completely right, but possiblly I could show another way for people who have a biased view, to have an opportunity to look at what you have believed in another way.
"I wanted to understand why so many women like foreign men, and whether the purported superfluous love are real. I was disappointed and I want to prove that this forum is wrong."
Firstly, I do not believe "so many women" have a special "taste" for "foreign men". As a matter of fact, from the majority of the stories, I see people married not because their husbands are "foreign", or "different", but for love and mutual understanding, which is a marriage should be based on. I see more successful mariage stories that people are delighted to find their soul mates rather than a "sugar daddy" to fulfill a practical goal such as to improve her own social status or economical situation, which is very commonly seen in a marriage between two Chinese - that is unfortunate for a marriage and a distorted basis to educate their children. As you see almost all the women here are economically independent, have their own career and play their "breadwinners" roles in the families, as well as their husbands.
Secondly, would you please define "foreign men". Does it mean a man who does not share the same nationality as that of the wife? I believe many people here have been naturalized as an citizen of their husbands' countries, or a green card holder. In this term, they are both citizens or residents of the same country, not a bit "foreign".
Does "foreign" mean different race? That is probably the case. A simple question: if a mainlander Chinese woman, first generation immigrant came to America in her 30's, married a third generation Chinese American man who does not speak a word of Chinese and either have any idea about China, would you consider him a "foreign man"? How about a husband whose mother is a European American and father is a Chinese American? Would you consider him a "foreign man"? What is the difference of the former two Americans with somewhat biological Chinese blood and an American man does not have apparent Chinese lineage? But how would you know he has absolutely no Chinese blood? Maybe his ancestors are living with ours when they are monkeys.
Therefore, I am not convinced what the women here are doing "wrong". Despite cultural difference, people should have their freedom to choose their own spouse. Especially nowadays in this globalized world, people travel, migrate, live in different countries and find their new homes. Encounter differences are part of our lives. How we should stop ourselves from talking to new people, and find them attractive? Same theory if you do not see anything wrong with a woman from He Nan province married a man from Guang Dong province, I do not see what is wrong for a Chinese woman to marry a American man, or a Japanese man, a Korean man, or an African man.
Finally, I would like to clarify the significance of this forum- Marriage Crossing Borders. Women here share the similar family context that, Marriage per se is difficult enough- not to say two people have different world view, values, living habits and common sense. How couples overcome these differences, and such courage, patience, and extra efforts need their LOVE to maintain, to motivate. Among all the hardship, a lot of women found joy in their marriage, especially their husbands appreciate them in a different way probably than a Chinese man would do: he appreciates her unique beauty, and he is delighted for her independent thoughts; he cares about who she is instead of how she looks like, what kind of family she is from, and how old she is.
The significance of this forum is for women to share such experiences and find companionship of other women, who are going through similar events, and letting each other know that nobody is on her own travelling through unknowns.
