The Crystal City

I stay at my friend's place tonight. It's almost 2:00am and everybody in this house is sleeping. I just finished seeing the dvd "The crystal city".i don't know why I'm torturing myself with those useless thoughts. I should have been so happy with the life i'm having. I get restless. you are on a ski trip. i'm sure there is a lot of fun. but after seeing this movie especially when i saw some details going on between two of them, i thought about us. in the end, they were finally together. they died.yes, we are not living in an illusion. our lives are so real which contain so much little or big happiness, trouble and confussion. however, we are alive but sometimes don't know why and how. we have to continue our lives with brave and tears. we have to keep things ourselves. the only venting for me is writing and listening to the music we used to like. how about you? or you don't need any. seems suddenly i know why i'm restless. because i don't want to. I'd like to be more alive than other people here who look happy without sophisticated thoughts. they are happy, but that's not the real happiness i desire. perhaps the more pain and exhaust i feel, the more i'm alive.thanks for the book. yet i'm not ready to read it. i'm not in the peace and hope you feel it.