做陽陽媽的挫折感

晚上跟父母通電話的時候，跟他們講了我的焦慮。他們也說我太緊張了。可是他們一年多沒看到寶寶了，沒有象我這樣整天都在試圖和寶寶交流，整天都被他忽視，整天都覺得寶寶不在乎我，整天都在乞求他賜我一個眼神，整天都在想盡方法逗他、直到他歇斯底裏的笑，隨時拿著相機捕捉他瞬間的笑容，整天都在做心理鬥爭，是趴在他麵前強迫他讓我參與他的遊戲，還是讓他在一旁自己玩，我在另一旁自己上網，然後我假裝很忙於是放棄他，然後自責，然後渴望老公回家能跟他玩在一起，然後發現老公更加心不在焉，然後責備老公，然後覺得自己特別失敗。。。我想我父母是不能了解的。

然後他們批評我，說我的人生太狹窄了，說地震死了那麽多人我也不關心，說我胸無大誌，說我每天隻是圍著老公孩子轉，好象我已經“完全放棄個人的愛好、享樂、交際，兒子成了我的生命和唯一”。早些年我學過那麽多東西，交往過那麽多人，去過那麽多地方，管過那麽多閑事，搞多那麽多名堂，最後終於找到一樣我熱愛並能持久的事－－做陽陽的媽媽－－這是應該值得慶幸的呀，為什麽我父母總是在批判我呢？說到這裏，我要為古典的妻子辯護：我們不是為了兒女而活著，我們是為了做母親而活著，因為我們享受做母親的歡樂（和悲傷）。

不知我父母是否在享受做我父母的悲傷（和歡樂）。

今天一個做兒醫的網友跟我聯絡，同意我盡早給陽陽做一下 evaluation。她說有時候排隊要兩三個月。她還建議我們給陽陽找 speech therapy，因為她的兒子有一些 speech delay，沒有做 therapy，現在12歲，口頭表達能力還是很差。她說 speech therapy 是不怕早開始的，如果 therapist 認為孩子沒問題，就不需要做。她讓我找 mchat 來做，是 "Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers"，一共23題，陽陽 failed 5 critical questions and 9 other questions。他還不到16個月，可能到時還會有進步，但非常值得警戒。

I went to a bookstore and browsed some books on the subject. I am pretty sure that Yangyang has autistic tendency (or some similar disorder). I want to know what I can do while we are waiting for the official evaluation. I've learned 2 things.

1) eye contact is the most important. try to position myself so yangyang can look at me easily. make him use eye contact before giving him anything he wants, and then reward him.

2) eliminate distractions in the room.

Today I tried very hard to make eye contact with him. It used to be futile and frustrating, and I gave up after a while. Now I know what might be wrong with him, I welcome the challenge, and I am more persistent and I enjoy it a lot more. In the afternoon I took him to the play gym, and there was another baby girl of 13-month. I observed their differences. The girl often looked at me, smiled at me, and brought me stuff she found. Yangyang never initiated any communication with me. I didn't give up easily, and by the end of the day I feel that we had made some progress.

I hope that being his mom can be more purposeful.

[小花菜]

I have a friend who is a ped. I told her about my son's situation. She strongly suggests that we take him to a speech therapy. She says it is to help the baby learn to communicate, and can start at any time, as early as 9-months, without preion. I don't know much about your son's problem, but he seems to have a speech delay. I think you should take him to a speech test as your PD suggested, and then get some answers and help. In California, the school district can do speech therapy. I met a mom the other day who praised the speech therapy program, and encouraged me to check it out.

If you don't want to do anything now, wait until the 18-month check up, and talk to you PD.

Now my husband is much better, because I told him that our son is probably autistic. He is concerned, and is trying to communicate with the baby more. Before he just sat there and read a magazine or stared into the space when he watched the baby. You should try to convince him that your son might have some developmental problem, and get him involved.

Let's keep each other informed about our sons' developmental progress.

Good luck.

[DuoDuoMaMa2007]

Yes, I asked my ped when my son was around 14 months, and I was suggested to take him to a hearing and speech test. But I did not, since I don't think that he has any hearing problem. He can hear and follow my instructions.My ped told me that when I give him anything I should explain what it is and ask him to repeat. Now, he is almost 16 months and has no sign to say mom and dad, but he does babble.

My husband is not helpful either. If he has time, he would rather browse the internet. If I ask him to keep an eye on my son, most of the time he would call friends. Sigh:(((

[小花菜]

Thank you for your encouragement. I am trying my best to help him, and help our family. Have you asked your PD about your son? A friend who is a PD suggested me to do a initial screening test--mchat, and if the baby fails certain numbers of questions, then professional evaluation is needed. The form is for babies 16 months and older, so it might be useful for you. I hope everything will turn out fine for both our sons.

[DuoDuoMaMa2007]

看到這麽可愛的小朋友一定要說兩句了。我覺得關鍵是媽媽不要放棄，還好發現的早能盡早糾正。我兒子16個月了，還不叫媽媽爸爸，也不kiss我們，wave bye bye什麽的都不會，但是有eye contact,有時我們非常frustrated。

希望陽陽能盡早好起來。媽媽 不拋棄，不放棄！！！ Bless!