瀟灑人生路
人的一生最重要的是自由和隨之而來的責任。
正文
在美國，跨族婚姻很普遍。與亞洲人通婚的白人多是男人和亞洲女人在一起，而亞洲男人同白人女人在一起的例子不是很多。從這些白人女性所討論的內容來看，白人女性對亞洲男人還是有好感的，但也有一些偏見。比如說，身才不夠高大，性方麵不能滿足白種女人，脾氣不好，老一輩對兒女幹涉太多，宗教不同，下一代教育問題等等。比較嚴重的偏見是在性方麵。一是亞洲男人的SIZE不夠，二是亞州男人對性的過分要求。難聽點兒說，就是性心有餘而性力不足。但這兩點，對於同亞洲男人有性經驗的白人女人來說，都是不成立的。她們都同意，跨族婚姻最重要的還是要看兩個人的感情，這一點，可以看出天下女性的寬容謙讓的共性和對感情方麵和睦的追求。
以下是在一個美國網站的論壇上，一個在和中國男人戀愛的猶太姑娘發貼而引起的討論。她想知道其他人對白人女性同亞州男性相處有什麽看法。回貼的人很多，有白人，黑人，拉美人，還有在北美出生的亞洲男性和女性。因篇幅太多，隻選擇一些有代表性的白人女ID回貼。
比較有意思的是一個俄羅斯姑娘PINKLACES的回貼，文中透露出她對亞州男人說到做到的欣賞和對學校裏美國男生亂搞和亞州女生亂睡的鄙視。
還有一個有趣的現象是一些在北美出生的亞洲男孩和從移民來的亞洲姑娘的態度。因篇幅太長，沒有登在這裏。但他們的觀點很有意思。這些在北美出生的亞裔男生回貼中反複強調他們是如何與其他亞洲男人不同，他們是如何身強力壯，隻喜歡白人女孩，不喜歡亞洲女孩。他們認為因為他們和白人女孩生長在一起，容易溝通。而亞洲女孩太懦弱，聽話，沒主見。反之，從亞洲移民來的女孩則大讚亞洲男人勤勞吃苦,重視家庭,愛自己女人的美德。
再有一點可以看出，美國網站論壇裏成人們之間討論問題時就事論事所表現出的成熟和禮貌。這一點值得所有參加中文網站論壇的網友們學習,包括我自己。
Luv2Me
[more]IP: Logged Posts: 14 Group: New Member Joined: Aug 2002 Status: OFFLINEMake Buddy | PM User
Hi there. I'm currently in my first interracial relationship. I'm white and Jewish, and I'm dating a Chinese guy.We have a lot in common... in fact, I'm taking Mandarin Chinese (unfortunately he speaks Cantonese, but no matter) and started even before I met him. I'm studying East Asian Studies in university, and so is he. We've got a lot in common, and my parents accept him (although they wish he was Jewish) and his mother really likes me.I rarely see other couples like us, though... usually it's an Asian girl with a white guy. I'm wondering if there's anyone else like me out there?
Lethe
[more]IP: Logged Posts: N/A Group: Guest Joined: Not Yet Status:|
Hey Luv2Me,There are other white female/Asian male couples, though I agree, I don't see many wandering the streets, either. I'm pretty sure there are several on here...My fiance is Korean-American, and I'm a Dutch/German -descended Midwestern girl. I'm not entirely clear on why the disparity between AF/WM couples and WF/AM couples exists, though I've heard a lot of theories about it, ranging from the reasonable to the insane - someone once warned me in all seriousness that Asian men's penises were too small to satisfy a white woman (and NO this isn't true, duh). I've also been warned that they were all inherently sexist (also untrue). But then again, with these kinds of stupid questions wandering around, no wonder... --Lethe.
shanshiyi
more]IP: Logged Posts: N/A Group: Guest Joined: Not Yet Status:|
I understand that situation you mentioned coz white girls are usually slightly bigger and taller than some Asian guys so it doesn't look compatible to each other. ANd usually bigger girls want to date guys who are bigger or taller than them.But In Hong Kong, I witness many White girls date Chinese -look guys as many as White guys date Chinese -look girls. Chinese guys in university- days are still slim but they will become physicially bigger after 24 or 25. They can be compatible to white girls then.P.S. My male friends go to high school in the US and they all did once and some still are dating White girl-clasmates. Probably teenager girls do not care about body size.
Luv2Me
[more]IP: Logged Posts: 14 Group: New Member Joined: Aug 2002 Status: OFFLINEMake Buddy | PM User
Hi there! Thanks for the replies. I know that there's a stereotype of Asian men's penises being smaller (which isn't true, as far as I know)... and I know that on a whole, Asian men are shorter/smaller than white or black men, which might be an issue to some women. But I'm 5'4" and average to slim (size 6-8) and at my age, there aren't many guys, including Asian guys, who are smaller than me! My boyfriend is 5'6" and actually has a quite nice, broad-shouldered build and is quite a bit larger than me.Glad to hear I'm not alone, though. Oh, and as for the whole "all Asian men are sexist" thing... my guy treats me a million times better than I've ever been treated by any other guy in my life. He's a treasure sweetie-pai, why don't your parents accept you dating an asian man?
Lethe
[more]IP: Logged Posts: N/A Group: Guest Joined: Not Yet Status:|
Sweetie-pai:I was the one who posted that stereotype - I've heard it before, especially after I started seeing my fiance. Stereotypes of course have nothing to do with actual people and I think they have everything to do with the ideas people have pinned on the "other" so they can escape how those ideas show up in their own lives.I referred to those blanket statements because they were so obviously untrue, and sometimes it's easier to just laugh...I don't know about the height thing - there are a lot of short white women and tall Asian guys. It doesn't seem like enough reason to me, but my fiance's 5'10" and although he's not built hugely or anything, I'm 5'6" and he's noticeably larger than I am (which is a nuisance when I'm trying to tickle him).I'm also sorry about your man's parents, sweetie - do you have to see them very often?--Lethe
Kudarina
[more]IP: Logged Posts: N/A Group: Guest Joined: Not Yet Status:|
About the stereotype, that's all it is; a stereotype. It's not true. I am engaged to a chinese guy and he is of perfectly normal "size".And either way, why should "size" matter? If it's true love, it shouldn't make a difference.Well, you are certainly not alone on this one. I am in the EXACT position as you only I am a white Christian; not Jewish ^.^Unfortunetly, I have lost a lot of respect for his father through out this relationship. He has not only made me feel like crap but has insulted my own mother as well. One thing I have learned about Asian men (And this is in NO way meant to be a racist comment) is that they have very short, quick and nasty tempers. I don't mind his mother; she is extremly nice. But I'm not to fond of his father. I can only hope my Fianc'ee doens't turn out to be like that. Does anyone by any chance have the same problem as me or know what I am talking about? Please speak up if so that way I will know I am not alone on this ^-^;;;
Lethe
[more]IP: Logged Posts: N/A Group: Guest Joined: Not Yet Status:|
Hi Kudarina,I know you said you didn't mean it to be racist, but aren't you generalizing a bit by saying that all Asian men have short tempers? That seems more likely to be a family thing.My fiance has a long, long fuse, for example - much longer than mine. Once he does get angry, it's a bit of a disaster (me too, to be fair) but it takes a while, and his father is the same way. (So is my father, for that matter). When I asked him what he thought of this statement, he said he could think of several guy friends with nasty tempers and several without, and he didn't see it as universal at all, but individual.And I don't want to touch the beginnings of a "size does/doesn't matter" argument with a ten-foot virtual pole.... --Lethe
Kudarina
[more]IP: Logged Posts: N/A Group: Guest Joined: Not Yet Status:|
I think you are both a little confused on what I said. I neither stereotyped nor contradicted myself in that statement. Please let me explain what I meant. First of all, I would like to state that I have known many asian people over my life time and the times that I have witnessed them angry it was almost frightening and yes this DOES include my Fianc'ee. He too has a very bad and nasty temper. The difference between him and his father is that he knows how to control it. What I meant by I hope he never grows up to be like his dad is that I hope he never treats people the way his father does. In my lifetime of meeting and getting to know people of all different cultures, some of the Asian's I have met have been the nicest people I have ever known. Anger is an emotion that all Human's have and some of us have different ways of expressing it and dealing with it. Arrogance is not. With all do respect, please think very carefully about what you read before you respond =)
Kudarina
[more]IP: Logged Posts: N/A Group: Guest Joined: Not Yet Status:|
I'M easily insulted? Sorry my friend, but for your info, I wasn't insulted at all. I was "clarifying" myself as you so asked. You're right, this is an open forum and an open forum does call for all people to put their input in. But you took my first post the wrong way and if you had taken the time to think about it, perhapes you would of seen what I was getting at and you wouldn't of been so offended. And you obviously were otherwise you wouldn't of typed that three page report about how disrespectful people are to other cultures - something that was completly away from my topic and wasn't needed in your response to me. As for your remark "if you are so easily insulted,maybe you shouldn't be posting here" why don't you practice what you preach.
Luv2Me
[more]IP: Logged Posts: 14 Group: New Member Joined: Aug 2002 Status: OFFLINEMake Buddy | PM User
Oy vey, people, cut it out! As for the "Asian guys have bad tempers" thing, I can personally attest that my boyfriend has a VERY slow temper, and even then, he doesn't have much of one. He grew up without a father figure and with a mother who was very stirct and borderline abusive with him, as was the rest of his family. Because of that, he's learned to put up with a lot and he does everything in his power to make sure he DOESN'T treat anyone else the way he's been treated in the past.Anyway, can we not fight anymore please? It's totally non-productive.
pinklaces
[more] IP: Logged Posts: 1 Group: New Member Joined: Sep 2006 Status: OFFLINE Make Buddy | PM User
I fell in love with a asian guy in my mid twenties. I am a Russian American, came to the states during high school. I thought American men (white guys) would be gentlmen and heros. Boy was I wrong ! I stopped dating for a few years then accidently met my current boy friend. A asian guy about 14 years older (and wiser then me). And just to set things straight, he wasnt chaing young skirts, I chased him and it took almost a year to get his attention. As for the negative rumors. I know exactly where they start from. They start from white guys who are jealous and are perpetuated by asian girls who don't want to share asian guys with other girls. Several asian girls (classmates) started taking a interest in me just after I met my boy friend. They did nothing but try to discourage me from dating asian men by saying those exact rumors. Ladies, if you haven't lived in Europe you don't know yet what sexist men really are!!!! And as for the white american guys, they are exactly the reason why I left the dating seen for several years. They just cannt hold their ****s in their pants. Sleeping with every girl they can, especially asian girls. My last white boy friend was sleeping with over 20 asian girls while he was dating me !!! For a while I really hated asians, but this characteristics don't seem to extend to the asian males as I found out. They are a lot more work, family and home orientated then white guys. If my asian boy friend says he'll be home for dinner, he will be home and if he says he is studying at the library, surely enough he is. Just one thing, his mom isnt too crazy about the idea of a white girl dating his son... sigh... my dad on the other hand is dancing for joy I am not dating a russian guy. Figure?!?!? But then again my dad worked for Nasa and is considered a genius, so who am I to second guess him. I am sure we'll be getting married soon. Knock on wood I dont screw anything up.
SadSadSonia
[more]IP: Logged Posts: 13 Group: New Member Joined: Jan 2003 Status: OFFLINEMake Buddy | PM User
Umm Umm, well I can't say that I am white. I am hispanic, born in Houston, Texas, of spanish decent, parents from Mexico. In college, I dated a vietnamese guy for 3 years. Though I never met his parents, he met my mom, and my mom loved him, still does! After him, I dated another vietnamese male. He was much taller and more built, 5'8", more american. I am about 5'3". I dated him for about 2 years, met his mom, she was very polite. Though she was nice to me, I am sure she preferred I were vietnamese. This second guy never met my parents (mom). I am currently single. In my opinion, the most important thing in an interracial relationship is the way the two individuals feel about each other. When it comes down to it, if two people really care about one another, parents, friends, and other issues are unimportant. The only thing that matters is love! With that, you can go anywhere!----------
總的來說,在一個以男人處於主導地位的世界上,女人身上出現的問題實質上是男人自身問題的折射;正所謂:有什麽樣的男人就有什麽樣的女人!
glass_view:
"因不瞭解或文化差異..." 這話不著邊際,很有點"黨八股"的味道; 以在下所經曆的案例(14年裏71件),白男亞女(或外男亞女)的配製當中,男方99%有過一次以上的婚史,其中37%有缺陷---生理或心理(according to court paper);尋求跨種族(主要是跨境)婚姻的主因是control;而女方的動機則多種多樣; 這類婚姻更像是交易,而世上的交易成功的要點之一是:雙方勢均力敵; 任何婚姻,無論種族/文化異同,剝離了感情,出現問題是必然的,就好比日升月落---早晚的事;
soccerman:"中國女人是中國男人的不幸?(with some exceptions) SIMPLE AS THAT"
Wow! 我的意思是: WOOWWW!!! Agree!(雙手加雙腳)
這觀點暗合了一個真理: It always's somebody-else'fault! 還應該加上:Chinese women(with some exceptions) suck, chinese men don't!
不過,這樣的思維方式隻會有一個結果:到頭來中國男人除了身材與生殖器,其它一切都很短小! 這簡直就是現今中國社會的寫照?
說到器官,為什麽MM們(包括那些為男友辯護的)普遍關注size? Climax實在是基於技巧,不是嗎? 想必是遇人不"淑"(這世上簑男蠢漢本來就多),同情一下!
To noso: 流覽你的園地實在是一種享受,就象是...沒得形容;謝了!!!
可是沒讀出你個人的見解啊?
本周最受歡迎的博客
1. 俺那所謂的生活：五千集
2. noso： 瀟灑人生路
3. 遠方的河：【遠方的河】
4. 小8毛：小8毛的博客
5. 北方憨哥在北美：北方憨哥在
link:
http://cn.bbs.yahoo.com/message/read_overseas_482096.html
謝謝你的評論。But not exactly as you translated.
SEXIST這個詞我還專門跟一個白人女性討論過，據她說，這個詞是指對對婦女的歧視，其理由則是婦女是低男人一等，是下踐的，是男人的玩物。引申而來就是婦女要隨時隨地聽男人的擺布，滿足男人在性上的任何要求。對於西方婦女來說，這些要求是過分的。論壇裏發帖的人用這個詞的時候是在討論亞洲男人SIZE問題，所以我理解為她們主要還是在辯論亞洲男人性要求和性能力的問題。當然，可以翻的更全麵些，加上歧視婦女這部分。
I wrote my comments and posted here on 06-09-07, aladding.com copied it without my permission on 06-10-07.
Thanks for letting me know.
http://members.lovingyou.com/showthread.php?s=5cba93134c01be15b1fdf6b5e090b839&threadid=11649&perpage=15&pagenumber=3
I know that because my husband is a white guy who is very nice and talented.
北方憨哥：整啥啊，有空上家喝酒去啊。
GLASS-VIEW：同情那些女同胞。
hey3G: yes. 人往高處走，水往低處流。無可厚非。
ggww: I can't say you are wrong, because it really happens to some people.
read: yes, money always talk.
pbsize: thanks for answering rejoicesong's request.
abee: thanks.
din: freedom of speech. : )
強勢民族/文化的女人傾向於不找弱勢民族/文化的男人
中國人目前還比較弱勢，再過20年可能會有不同
喜歡你對涉外婚姻的這種寬容態度，其實兩個人生活在一起，真的和種族沒有太大的關係，決定在一起一輩子的時候，其實兩個人的互相容忍和性格很重要。
http://news.wenxuecity.com/messages/200706/news-gb2312-414426.html
伴隨異國婚姻的增多 美國華裔婦女常成家暴受害者 中國日報
在美國華裔家庭中，伴隨異國婚姻的增多，因不瞭解或文化差異造成的家庭暴力事件越來越多，一些從中國嫁入美國的華裔婦女，也常常成為受害者。
據中國日報報道，亞太婦女中心分析，近年來聖蓋博穀華裔新移民家暴問題中，來自中國的華裔婦女所麵臨的各種類家暴案件增多。包含難以舉證婚姻基礎、假結婚家暴、沒有英語語言與謀生能力等問題。家暴定義，除了打架外，包括精神上、語言上的虐待，金錢、行蹤等控製，都相當難以舉證。有些婦女嫁到美國後，並沒有為自己的婚姻留下任何證據，丈夫為所欲為，而無法保護自己。有些人在受到家暴後，才知道自己沒有辦理加州政府批準的結婚證書。具備美國身份的丈夫，會利用法律漏洞不給妻子申請結婚證書。
亞太婦女中心的專家同時提醒，為拿身份而采取假結婚或是假家暴，也是不可取的。「證明其有戀愛基礎與否，也是很大的問題，」專家表示：「跨海結婚來美的中國婦女，多數都不會保留自己與丈夫在交往期間的照片、情書等，因此在兩年綠卡申請期間，由於法官不斷要求舉證有婚姻基礎的證據，使得受到迫害的中國婦女，常常還未能出頭就挫羽而歸，又礙於麵子不願意回中國，導致在美國無家可歸。」
一位從中國北方來美的家暴受害人表示，現在仍舊害怕個人資料洩露，會遭到前夫的迫害。她說，5年前，她一嫁入美國，丈夫給她定下了各種規矩，受到虐待與暴力。其夫還經常恐嚇她，不讓她對外講家中的事。她不會講英文，也不敢出門。後來她不堪虐待，打了911。警察來問過之後，她就被趕出了家門。在大街上流浪了一陣子，她找一份中文報紙，聯絡到亞太法律中心，從而得以進入亞太婦女中心庇護所。後來她在婦女中心幫助下學習語言，在沒有翻譯的情況下，一舉考下了美容美發執照。現在，她有了自己的家，開始了職業生涯。她希望通過講出自己的故事，來回報社會對她的幫助。
Your points are well taken. Compared to white people, both Asian men and women, especially Chinese men and women, are reserved. Sometimes we are just too nice to say no, which is considered to be weak in America.
Also, there is an equation of supply and demand in this case, in which a lot of Asian girls are looking for white guys for all kinds of reason, and a lot of white guys want to have Asian girl friends or simply just have sex with them.
So many young women are in the sex business in Southeast Asia, which attract white men from the entire world. Many girls in China are even worse; they throw themselves at whitemen, regardless of their ages.
I read an article written by an African woman. It is about her experience as a black woman in China. She says, before she went to China, she thought Chinese women were the hardworking role models for all women in the third world countries. She was very disappointed when she saw so many young Chinese girls would kiss any Whiteman’s feet just to have sex with him so they can get out of China or show off to their friends. She felt humiliated for being a woman when those Whitemen told her how easy it was to sleep with a Chinese virgin.
While there are so many "rumors" about Asian guys being short of sizes and inherently sexists, just think about what Hollywood has done to Asian dudes, it is just not cool to date an Asian guy to many white girls, unless they really want to marry one of them.
Make no mistake, I am not against interracial relationship at all. Matter of fact, I think it is great. If two people love each other, that is all that matters. I wish all the best to our sisters who have married to their love ones from other race
http://members.lovingyou.com/showthread.php?threadid=11649