讀的是一篇叫做“The invention that isn't working”的好文。好像是從一本什麽教材（社會學？倫理學？）上複印下來的，那麽遠的路平信隻走了四天，收到很是驚喜了一下。
很耐讀的一篇，不長，但論得有理有據，很清楚。
作者是 Ernest van den Haag, 題目是編書者加的。
關於作者的介紹說道：“Ernest van den Haag (b. 1914) was born in The Hague (what his name tell us is true) and educated at Europen universities before he came to the United States. He pursued graduate study at New York University, where he continued as a staff psychoanalyst. He is the author of The Fabric of Society (1957), which combines sociological and psychological perspectives on modern life, and his articles have appeared in magazines such as Commentary, Partisan Review, and Harpr's, which printed this essay in 1962. Professionally involved in counseling people about their feelings, van den Haag maintains that romantic love threwatens to undermine marriage.”
心得之一：人們結婚，因為需要愛
“Our contacts are many, our relationships few: Our lives, externally crowed, often are internally isolated; we remain but tenuously linked to each other and our ties come easily undone. One feels lonely surrounded by crowds and machines in an unbounded, abstrat world that has become morally unintelligible; and we have so much time now to feel lonely in. Thus one longs, perhaps more acutely than in the past, for somebody to be tangibly, individually, and definitely one's own, body and soul. ”
心得之二：愛是“求之不得，寤寐思服”的一種病態
"The troubadours usually took sex and marriage for granted and dealt with love--the newest and still the most surprising and fascinating of all relationships. And also the most unstable."
"Plato described love as a desire for something one does not have, implying that it is a longing, not a fulfillment. But in ancient Greece, love was regarded diffidently, as rather undesirable, an intoxication, a bewitchment, a divine punishment--usually for neglecting sex." 嗬嗬， ：）
“The troubadours thought differently, although, unlike many moderns, they did not deny that love is a passion, somethign one suffers. But they thought it a sweet suffering to be cultivated, and they celebrated it in song and story.” （他說的這些troubadours是誰呀？嗯，是我們說的“行吟詩人”！維基百科：A troubadour (IPA: [tɾuβaˈðuɾ], originally [tɾuβaˈðoɾ]) was a composer and performer of Occitan lyric poetry during the High Middle Ages (1100–1350). )
哈，其實我中華先人的智慧早已堪破這個寥：所謂伊人，在水一方，順流逆流，皆求之不得！寤寐思服，輾轉反側，這甜蜜的痛苦的折磨，被吟詠了三千年！
心得之三：情花之毒，以忘憂草解
“We try to cope with this contest by fusing love and sex. (Every high-school student is taught that the two go together.) This, as Freud pointed out, doesn not always succeed and may moderate both, but, as he also implied, it is the best we can hope for. In the words of William Butler Yeats, "Desire dies because every touch consumes the myth and yet, a myth that cannot be consumed becomes a specter..."”
“Yet any fulfillment now must also become a disappointment--a substitute, cheating the longing that wents to long.” （阿原一歎！作者還指出，如此治愈，情花之毒的轉化有三種可能：affectionate companionship 即幸福婚姻中的最佳結局； indifference； or hostility. 後麵這兩種可能，我知道。
記起當年冬天的早晨跑步之後洗冷水澡的感覺，記起在浴室裏哆嗦著吼《忘憂草》：“讓軟弱的我們懂得殘忍，狠狠麵對人生每次寒冷～！”
作者在文章後麵說：道德判斷難做，但是，底線應該是：“not to use others, or even ourselves, merely as a means.” 正因為這個，我似乎永遠無法徹底原諒當年那曾經相愛的人indifferent 的殘忍。
心得之四： 可治愈，不免疫
最好的結局，愛轉化成affectionate companionship. If the relationship is stablilized, love is replaced by other emotions (Marriage thus has often been recommended as the cure for love. But it does not always work.)
"Marital love may grow with knowledge and intimacy and shared experience" 看，這似乎是最好的結局了。
可是，那情花之毒，說不定還會染上，就像染上感冒，哪有什麽道理？我的朋友，正教授Trish， 22歲跟青梅竹馬（他們老美不懂咱這麽美的詞兒，不過聽她說可不就是那麽回事嘛！）的老公結婚，都有過A journal 發paper 一審接受不再review的倆牛人，從美國到新西蘭，一路上是彼此最好的朋友，25年婚姻，外孫都有了，老頭兒又“愛”了，係裏一35歲高講，鬧得沸沸揚揚，Trish激動之下把老頭兒趕出家門，三年後，人家那倆人結婚，她跟我感慨說：“曾經想過，也許不該就那樣把他推出去。。。”
心得之五： 拒飲忘憂草，愛而無悔
要保持愛，據說隻有保持距離。
“The religious too perpetuate longing by placing the beloved altogether out of physical reach. The "bride of Christ" who retires to a convent longs for her Redeemer--and she will continue to yearn, as long as she lives, for union with a God at once human and divine, incarnating life and love everlasting. In its highest sense, love is a reaching for divine perfection, an act of creation. And always, it is a longing. ” 讀到這句，想到愛因斯坦的關於科學研究和關於宗教的思考。很開心地在文章margin上寫：“Yeh~! I see the point!!!”
愛翁在普朗克60歲生日宴會上的講話《探索的動機》裏說：“促使人們去做這種工作的精神狀態是同信仰宗教的人或戀愛的人的精神狀態相類似的；他們每天的努力並非來自深思熟慮的意向或計劃，而是直接來自激情。” （完整論述及英文版，請另見俺收集了在博克裏的：http://blog.wenxuecity.com/blogview.php?date=200802&postID=37027）就是這個愛，阿原以中人資質，輾轉幾十年染上去不掉。拒飲忘憂，愛而無悔，不計回報。這是典型的求而不得：知越多，能感知的未知也越廣大，生有涯而知無涯！唉，所謂伊人在水一方，追到死為止吧！
至於別的，我不知道,且微笑著Let life unfold itself...
五點心得記下來，留給自己。行了，阿原從此可以再不費心思考情與愛的道理 （開博兩年多，這方麵寫了不少，有時候絮叨得像個怨婦），包括Mr Right Myth，軌不軌出不出，小三現象，愛能否持久，為愛自殺如何。。。都不再會參加議論了。因為，想通了。
很開心，浮一大白～yeh~!
