對迷惘的風(十九)的部分評論

另外挖坑評迷惘的風(十九)
風中玫瑰 於 2004-09-09 10:19:07

正如大家看到的，張成因著利益關係不舍宋晴，因著所謂愛的關係對曉月心懷歉疚，優柔寡斷的同時，對宋晴並沒有愧疚之心。

在第一、第二章裏，他甚至妄想坐象齊人之福；在最近幾章裏，放縱自己到了囂張的地步。

他為什麽敢這樣？因為按照他的理解，隻要他不提出，宋晴是不會離開他的，而宋晴在事情發生之前和之後的所有的反應，也都說明了這一點。

縱看前兩章，宋晴的母性大於妻性。我不是說責備宋晴，但是確實男人的有些毛病是女人慣的。

引申開去我就想，上海男人做家務，被北方男人嘲笑我可以理解，被北方女人嘲笑就不可理解了。

沒有人說生下來就有責任感的，女人對家庭的責任感多一些，不是天性，是社會暗示的結果。

這個觀點，頂！
雨落芭蕉 於 2004-09-09 10:28:52

其實，男人是不能慣的。當然女人也一樣。:-P
記得有個姐妹曾這樣說過，其實對伴侶對朋友，一生都要維持一種“客氣”的距離。我的理解是，愛一個人，自然會對他或她好，這是很Natural的反應。但是不論是誰，都應該明白，任何時候不能過於遷就對方，否則一旦喪失底線，你所有的付出在對方眼裏都毫無價值。而此時的你，真的是輸掉全部。

加個塞兒討論! 下麵沒地方了 .
Vandana 於 2004-09-09 19:04:49

我在想, 宋晴當時看到張成抱女兒親曉月時, 就應該毫不猶意離開張成. 宋晴太棉了. 更合況, 宋晴對老公的外遇證據確鑿,事實麵前張成否認不了. 美國的法律又是絕對是保護這類案子的婦女兒童的. 二個兒子由張成撫養到十八歲理所當然. 宋晴不應該有後顧之猶.

我同學在美國, 家屬, 一個兒子, 性格很接近宋晴, 家裏家外什麽都幹, 勤快幹淨. 據說,人倆爭論從沒大聲過. 我們這一幫都稱她是老公的賢內助, 有福之人. 後來老公到北京辦公司, 當總裁.大概半年之內就有小情人了. 她發現後, 馬上果斷提出離婚, 我同學還沒有工作. 當時我們都擔心她,她將來怎麽生活. 可人家樂觀呢.在大陸時, 人倆也是愛得一塌糊塗. 你說這事鬧的?

pzhaofliu 於 2004-09-09 10:59:16

同意，女人可以為了孩子為了丈夫為了家無私奉獻，但絕不可以燃燒自己犧牲自己，在經濟上在感情上要自立。

回複：另外挖坑評迷惘的風(十九)
pgz 於 2004-09-09 10:43:11

I agree with you the family should be carefully maintained even after kids. Spouse should have some time away from kids, some ranmatic get aways, wife should not treat hubby as one of the kid(even though they are), should still keep life fresh and interesting, and so on, like each person should have some alone time just for the sake of being mentally healthy, ideally:-)

If you do not believe the "mother nature"(sorry for borrowing this phrase", you can look at the animal world, there is no social education to ask the mother to take care of their offSprings, but most of them do, that is for survival for the spiecy. That is from GENE. The western country has more freedom now not because of nature, just because of "civilazition", two hundred years agao, they hate dicorce as much as we do. If there is difference between them and us, that is also from gene. Where is tradition from? From people. Why the tradition are different between different race? For me, it is also from GENE:-)

Of course we are human, we have more than animals, but you have to admit the force from Gene is more powerful than any thing else. But for sure we can try to make life easier:-) / or harder:-) (Beside check kids home work, check what they need to bring to school, sent them to extra curiculum program, deliever your project on time to make your boss happy, you have to do one more thing: to keep your hubby feel you are still that 20 sth. girl:-)

Just my two cents:-)

我想你沒理解我的意思。我是說對於張成，宋晴母性對於妻性。
風中玫瑰 於 2004-09-09 10:47:29

宋晴不是他媽媽，沒必要做得跟他媽似的。

男人的責任感是在家庭建立後一滴一滴地從生活小事大事上積累起來的。如果你把什麽都幹了，他就遊身事外。

沒討論母子親情，那個真的是本能：））

回複：我想你沒理解我的意思。我是說對於張成，宋晴母性對於妻性
pgz 於 2004-09-09 10:57:37

I did not feel Songqing treat Zhangchen like a son, only feel she pays more attention to the kids than to her hubby. I thought that is why you said she is more Mom than Wife. All her decision seems around kids. Which is why I sent the mail. Sorry for miss reading your words.

Well, it is "Yuanfen", there is no perfect person no matter what you do. No matter what you do, you can not change yourself. The "Yuanfen" is used up, that is the end. Anyways, it is easy said than done:-) Just cross the finger to hope I am not going to run into that situation:-)

Selfish me

看裏麵：
風中玫瑰 於 2004-09-09 11:03:02

“回到家裏，宋晴就開始洗碗收拾。張成讓宋晴寵成大少爺一般，家務活一概不做。不過宋晴幹活時總喜歡他陪著說話，尤其最近見麵次數少了，張成每次一回家總是盡量和宋晴在一起，宋晴走到那他跟到那。”

作者細節不多，這個細節已經足夠說明問題：））

My mom and dad are like this.
raccoon_99 於 2004-09-09 11:29:40

They are very happy couples. My mom enjoys doing the housework. My father is always following her arround and talking to her.

回複：我也說一句
北京胡同串子 於 2004-09-09 15:03:03

你要想和一個有很強事業心的男人結婚，你就要作好隨他轉戰男北，張成在美國不能達到他想達到的境界，不能實現他的價值，對他來說是一種折磨和痛苦，除非他接受這個命運，甘心為家庭不回國，

問題是宋看重張的恰恰是張的事業心，可張要回國，宋不回，而且對張回國後缺少估算，隻想好的一麵，如張可能發大財，不設想最壞的可能，這就造成了悲劇。

我不是為張開脫，明顯的是他的錯，明白人走錯一步應該知道懸崖勒馬。

pgx,喜歡你的平論。

回複：另外挖坑評迷惘的風(十九)
seeThruIt 於 2004-09-09 13:55:56

我不覺得水沫想把張成, 或者曉月寫成個壞人. 許多事情不是當事人所能控製的. 在一個畸形的社會大環境中, 人的道德品質微不足道. 人們都是為大環境的濁浪所左右.

宋晴聰明過人, 可惜沒能及早的領悟這一點, 所以沒能保住她的家庭. 不過她能快刀斬亂麻, 也是難能可貴.

人有些壞毛病不等於他是個壞人：））
風中玫瑰 於 2004-09-09 14:11:12

這年頭，真正的壞人和 很好的好人一樣稀有。
大多數不過是滾滾紅塵中的凡夫俗子。

石頭魚 於 2004-09-09 10:50:11

玫瑰，覺得張成也愛宋晴，何況還有多年感情和兩個孩子不能舍 ，這個男人放縱自己愛上了兩個人，結果不堪承受~~~~~

風中玫瑰 於 2004-09-09 10:53:52

在這篇文章裏我看不到，隻看到了習慣和利益。 你想想，一邊是一年兩三次的探親，一邊是日日相處，哪邊的感情更實際些？

我也不覺得張還愛宋晴，
雨落芭蕉 於 2004-09-09 11:23:50

如果真的還愛著宋晴，那他的生活中就不可能出現小月。人生在世，誘惑是不可避免的。麵對誘惑的時候，如果你的心裏真的裝著一個人，那就不會錯的太遠。

never got it!
pgz 於 2004-09-09 11:45:37

I never could understand that part of "father nature":-)

Look at JiaBaoYu, Love MM, also Love JJ, love xiren, also love Qingwen, do not get it why.

Have you watched "yi1 sheng1 tan4xi4", do not understand why that guy can start an affair just without seeing his wife for one month. I asked all my gal friend, they all do not understand. And all guy friend, they seem understand that pretty good:-(

回複：never got it!
雨落芭蕉 於 2004-09-09 12:06:13

男人和女人如果想達到完全理解，恐怕很難。:-)理想的關係，我想應該是相互體諒，相互尊重。完美的關係需要雙方的努力，但是要想破壞兩人的關係實在太容易。出了問題的夫妻，即便此後仍然在一起，我想，縱使舉案齊眉，到底意難平吧？其實，我想婚姻不僅僅需要愛情，婚姻應該是思想成熟的男人女人之間的一種關係。畢竟婚姻太現實，需要幾十年在一起，不起厭倦，很難。而愛情太唯美，若想和現實的婚姻結合，就要軟著陸了。

回複：$5000/month = love?
文章來源: notsure222 於 2004-09-09 17:42:13
he give her most of his income, I think. doesn’t that show his appreciation of the family? maybe not love from one respect or in pure sense, but still ...

回複：回複：$5000/month = love?
Tinyherb 於 2004-09-09 19:17:53
Love starts passion. As time goes by, passion subsides ; appreciation, affection and responsiblity grow; that is real love that will last .

回複：迷惘的風(十九)
關於第三者 於 2004-09-09 08:20:25

小月是個比較精明的第三者。打 著不要錢 也不要 人的旗號， 心裏卻想著做著的卻是要人又要錢。破壞別人的家庭！比比，宋晴真是可愛又可敬。回國是為了家庭，是妥協； 給錢給小月是為了家庭，是妥協； 放棄張誠是為了家庭，是妥協。一般的人，真的不容易做到。喜歡死宋晴了。
期待迷惘的風(二十)

回複：回複：迷惘的風(十九)
yayapan 於 2004-09-09 10:26:34

I have great sympathy towards XiaoYuan. I trust she is ture and innocent. Not as you said, all of this is just for money. She is not the kind of the girl which you described. In front of the love, she is just a little bit silly. When all the things covered by love, she got lost, lost all the instinct which she should have and does not know which way she should go. On the other side, she is the victim too. She was hurt no less than any other characters in the novel.

Anyway, nobody should be blamed. Separation is the posion to any close relationship.

It is a pity I can not type Chinese on my computer. My English is really not enough. Otherwise I would be able to express my feeling more accurately. Something subtle might be more precisely.

But I like this novel, it is great. I’d like to show my respect to the author, ShuiMuo and say thank you. Thanks for you presenting this fantastic, well written novel for us. I am looking forward to the following charpters.

In addition, I do appreciate this new way of reading. You can communicate with the authors as soon as it has been made. That is fantastic thing!!

"Not for the money" <>innocent
PhoenixSum 於 2004-09-09 11:42:50

It is at least not responsible if you practise your love to a married man. If she is kind, she’ve have known that this behavior will hurt another family. You are supposed to do what is right instead of what you desire.

回複："Not for the money" <>innocent
yayapan 於 2004-09-09 12:13:02

What I mean is: they are paying what they want to get, they are paying their desire. Unfortunately, all of them underestimated the risk they would bear, and the price they should pay. Until they realise they barely can afford. I mean, all of them.

"What you mean: ’Not for the money’ <> innocent??? " I do not quite understand that.

I do not suspect the point I made: I trust what XiaoYuan has done, definitely is not for money. What she has done is for a desire, a mad desire for love, for a love she should not have. This is the understanding which conveyed from the author.

People have various reasons for their desires. Some people can not resiste money, some people can sacrifice money and monarch, only for a beauty he loves, some people, like ZhangCheng, wants all but unwillingly to pay. Why can not have some people existing, like XiaoYue, madly love somebody, decently paid the price(left a total mess in her life, a baby without dad, not knowing how to survive in the future,... ect.)

If you say SongQing is innocent, as most of you said, then, I will say XiaoYue is innocent too. She is one of the victims.

That is a novel. Lots of people here discuss it with all sorts of moral criteria. I appreciate it as a novel, with righ depth and great structure.

回複："Not for the money" <>innocent
asdsdjfkfj 於 2004-09-09 13:07:28

The third person like XiaoYue shuld know that they can not love other person ’s husband ,Xiao Yue ’s outside showes she doesn’t want money ,but I’m sure she wants money inside her heart, she just pretend she doesn’t because she knows Zhang Cheng doesn’t love her if she show it too early ,Anyway she deserve her fate that Zhang left herbecause she is total wrong she loves married man. I hate Xaio Yue.she is not innocent,I hate ZhangCheng more
beacuse he is extremly selfish man.He just want him happy ,doesn’t care anybody else.Song should have given the chance to Zhang love someone else.this is her fault.

raccoon_99 於 2004-09-09 08:47:45
good writing, good story!!

回複：迷惘的風(十九)
pzhaofliu 於 2004-09-09 08:49:36

宋晴萬裏迢迢回國，原諒張成，是為了挽救婚姻給孩子一個完整的家，她最不能容忍的是張成疏忽了做父親的責任，這使她徹底失望了，其實是絕望了。不過從一開始也沒有看出張成是個好父親，除了從中國帶給孩子一些玩具以外。總而言之，張成不是個好丈夫，不是個好父親，也不是個好情人。

說的好啊！雖然他不算壞人，可確實所有的角色都沒做好。
來了 於 2004-09-09 09:56:13

估計就是雞飛蛋打吧。曉月如果能碰到一個愛自己又能接受孩子的人，就和別人結婚吧。就是嫁給張成，也幸福不了。到時候他肯定又沒完沒了地想宋晴。

風中玫瑰 於 2004-09-09 09:53:28

今天仔細把前兩章讀了讀，覺得在他們的婚姻中，宋晴母性 多於妻性──這也是張成結婚那麽多年還沒長大的原因。

還是那句話：男人的毛病是女人慣的

Mother nature
pgz 於 2004-09-09 10:01:09
Mother Nature made mothers more "mother than wife", it is pretty general rule in nature, that is for the sake of life:-) Unfortunately, if that is sth. to blame, you have to blame nature, not Songqing:-)