【原創英文詩翻譯】《愛與懼的小船》（承載著你的痛）王玥星

《愛與懼的小船》（承載著你的痛）

原文作者與翻譯：王玥星

我的每一條思緒

都有過完整的一生

我的每一條思緒

都是個鮮活的靈魂

它們生命的開始與結束

都由你誕生由你而逝去


我從未真正體驗過

如此的快樂

蕩漾過了我體內的

每一粒細胞

每一粒都綻放出了

一海洋的野花

[一粒都生長出了]

一海洋的生命

[如此]歡快，狂野，與自由


直到我認識了你的眼睛

直到我認識了你的微笑


當你突然闖入我的存在

我不僅突然間看到了光

還感受到了它的憤怒（瘋狂）

感受到它永恒的溫暖

感受到它確實的存在

僅僅與你站在距離中

讓它吞噬我

讓它用它那

隱形的雙臂緊擁住我

並滲入我的體內

將我化作了一個

隻載有愛與懼的小船


我一生都在疑問

疑問如何被人接受

[我隨時都在疑問]

疑問如何無所畏懼

疑問如何才能夠找到愛

並一直以為我需要答案


可我看到你那一瞬

之後每一瞬

隻要你在我的眸中

我終於突然

完全忘了如何畏懼

[我終於忘了]

如何不讓快樂闖入

甚至我的存在

沒了， 煩惱， 與眼淚


隻可惜很快黑暗降臨了

[很快我就得來了失去]


你的存在帶來的那一切

你的離開又隨之帶走了

當你轉過身走開以後

快樂也跟著你[離開了]

然而光芒也緊隨其後

還有我不眠夜裏的夢

人生的夢想

[生活的希望]

隻留下那無星無夢的 (黑暗)

將我與靈魂撕裂

將我的每個細胞

一個一個的分解開來


隨著那難以忍耐

也隨著那令人窒息

那撕裂中的痛苦

一粒一粒的將它們

甩進了那無愛的死寂的

那無意義的存在的深淵


我享受著每一絲撕裂的陣痛

並忍耐著每一粒最終的死亡

為這種永恒的痛苦而歡欣鼓舞

因我因此知道我的愛真實永久


在最後 希望不會有最後

如果我 永遠都不能愛你

我隻願你曾獻給我的

這灼熱與憤然的快樂

而永遠不用體會

哪怕是僅是一分鍾一秒鍾

這丟失你的煎熬

就算要我為你永遠的承受

 

 

Vessel of Love and Fear (Carrying Your Pain)


My every thought had a life

My every thought was a living soul

Whose very birth and death begin and end

With the existence of you


I have never truly felt such joy

Rippling through every atom within me

Each blooming into a sea of wildflowers

A sea of every living thing

Playful, wild and free

Until I've met your eyes

Until I've met your smile


When you rushed into my presence

I've not just suddenly seen the light

But felt its wrath

Felt its everlasting warmth

Felt its very presence

Merely standing distances away from

You

Letting it consume me

Letting it wrap its invisible arms around me

Seep through my being

And transform me into a

Vessel carrying only love and fear


I've been asking questions all my life

Asking to be accepted

Asking to be fearless

Asking to be loved

And thought I needed answers


Yet the moment I saw you

And every moment when you were

Within my sight

I've readily forgot how to fear

How not to let happiness through

I've even forgot my own existence

Let alone its troubles and tears


And then, came the darkness:

What you have brought with

Your presence

You've taken them with you with

Your absence

And as you turned your back and

Walked away

The joy followed you

Then the light

Then my very dream of sleepless nights

My very dream of living

Until only the dreamless, the starless

Were left

To tear me away from my own soul

To break apart my every living particle

And along with the unbearable and breathless

Pain of its tearing, hurl each of them

One by one, into the abyss

Of loveless silence

And pointless existence


I've savored the twinge of its tearing

Endure the pain of its death

And rejoiced at this everlasting suffering

Knowing my love for you is true and endless


In the end, may it never end,

If I were to never love you

I'd only wish upon you

The heat and wrath of this joy

You've once gifted to me

And never, for a moment

Feel this pain, and suffering of your

Absence

Even, if I'd have to endure them

Eternally

For you