與塵共舞~~~~~~
我喜歡塵的品質。喜歡它的靜：沉穩，低微，持重，久遠；喜歡它的動，飛揚，狂舞，自在，漫遊......
正文
我這樣疏導大女兒的憂愁
作者：與塵共舞 （2/2/2015）
我家老大今年九年級。我發現，自去年秋開學以來，她無憂無慮的笑容少了，隔三差五的歎息多了。為啥？
上高中前，我家老大一直就近入學，品學兼優，健康驕傲，快樂自由。可她周圍的華人朋友，除了上私立的，基本集中在本市最好的一所公立學校就讀。女兒自願參與競爭，逼著我給她報名，結果錄取了。可自從上了這所高中，她的生活便發生了翻天覆地的變化：
第一, 就近上學時，她每天早晨可以高枕無憂到七點半；而現在，每天六點就得爬起床。
第二, 這裏華人孩子的數學都超前。我家沒有花錢給孩子課外補數學，所以，老大到了學校，才知道比別人拉了幾門課，便自學起ONELINE的數學課，壓力很大.
第三, 這所高中的作業特多，女兒每天回來，除了吃飯，就是學習，幾乎每晚搞到十點十一點，疲憊不堪。
上高中前，我家老大一直就近入學，品學兼優，健康驕傲，快樂自由。可她周圍的華人朋友，除了上私立的，基本集中在本市最好的一所公立學校就讀。女兒自願參與競爭，逼著我給她報名，結果錄取了。可自從上了這所高中，她的生活便發生了翻天覆地的變化：
第一, 就近上學時，她每天早晨可以高枕無憂到七點半；而現在，每天六點就得爬起床。
第二, 這裏華人孩子的數學都超前。我家沒有花錢給孩子課外補數學，所以，老大到了學校，才知道比別人拉了幾門課，便自學起ONELINE的數學課，壓力很大.
第三, 這所高中的作業特多，女兒每天回來，除了吃飯，就是學習，幾乎每晚搞到十點十一點，疲憊不堪。
這樣的生活，算算也持續近半年了。這不，今晨起床，她又不支聲了，一個人坐在陰暗的沙發裏打盹。我問她睡好了沒有，她也不說話。臨出門前，她突然說：“I hate everything related to academics. So many work. I hate it.”
我很震驚：女兒心裏，一定醞釀了很多我不明了的東西。
上路後，我開了暖氣，從後視鏡裏看見她懶懶地醒著，覺得很心疼：女兒啊，你開始長大了，而長大，就是這麽不容易啊！於是，我決定疏導她：“Nancy, you look so pressured. You need to learn to relax. Maybe, you take too much.” 女兒這學期選了大學的一門課，法律的一門課，工作量都很大。
“I can’t. There are so many things to do. How can I relax? I don’t have time for what you said.” 女兒不相信地說。
“I can’t. There are so many things to do. How can I relax? I don’t have time for what you said.” 女兒不相信地說。
“You can. You can relax right now. Enjoy this ride and learn to appreciate. Look, Nancy, the park.”我指指路邊的公園：很美，晨霧繚繞，朦朧如夢。
女兒沒有說話。但我看見，她側過了頭，在看，也在聽。
“Now, you have chosen to come to this school. You must learn to enjoy everything you do.” 我小心切入。
“How? Some of the subjects I don’t even enjoy, but I just have to do it.”女兒倒出了她的苦水。
“Why?” 我想知道。
“Because they help you build a good resume, and a good resume leads you to a good
college.”女兒深沉地說。
college.”女兒深沉地說。
“What’s the use of going to a good college？”我故作不懂。
“Because a good college leads to a good job.”女兒給我上課。
“Not necessarily. ” 我小心地否定。
“I mean, at least it enhances the chance of getting a better job.”女兒修正道。
“I see. Then, that means you truly believe what you are doing is the best for you.” 我放心了：因為，女兒知道為自己的前途操心了。
她肯定地點點頭。
“Then, is there a better way to handle the stress you are experiencing?”我問。
“I don’t know. For me, it just feels better to let out my stress and anxiety. ”女兒直言不諱。
“But, it may not be the best way to mature.”我指的是女兒一遇事，就急躁的脾氣。“From my experience, depending on what kind of situation you are in, you can handle stress differently.”我開始和她分享自己的體驗。
“The first kind, you can control the situation. It’s easy. If you don’t like something, you simply don’t have to take it. ”我幹脆地說。
“But I don’t have the choice but to take these lessons.”女兒一下就看清了自己所處的形勢。
“That’s the second kind of situation. And, unfortunately or fortunately if you will, most of us are in this kind of situation: do something out of obligation. If you are obliged to take something, then you have to learn to enjoy it, enjoy every moment of it. Once you put your heart into doing it, you will forget it is boring.” 我真心地說。
“OK.” 女兒點點頭，似乎在體會我的話的含義。
“Look, Nancy.”我又指著路邊的一棵樹說。
“What?”
“Look at that tree. It is cold，yet it still has to stand up straight. Look at those bird nests. Feel pitiful for those birds. They are cold, yet they still have to fly out to get food. Life is not easy, not just for human.”
“Ah......yes, I remember when we lived in the suburb, there was a nest in our pear tree......in the front yard......It was so cute......”不知不覺中，女兒開始進入放鬆的狀態了---她開始給我講她童年捅鳥巢的故事了。
......
女兒的故事講完了，我做了總結性發言:“Really, at the moment when we start to feel blessed, our stress and anxiety start to fade away. We are blessed because we can ride in this warm car, we can enjoy the morning scenes; you are blessed because you are good enough to go to the best high school in this city, you have the opportunity to learn the unknown, and ......” 我詭秘地笑笑，補充道：“you have this mother to listen to your complaint, and to quarrel with you.”
女兒也笑了，表示同意。
學校到了，女兒背起沉重的書包，放出一聲歎息，道:“OK,mom. Have a good day.” 啊 ，今天，女兒竟然給了我祝福！她大步向人行道走去，我衝她喊道：“If you feel heavy, look up into the sky. It is unlimited up there.”
女兒回首，向我揮了揮手，回應道:“I know.Thank you, mother .”
女兒回首，向我揮了揮手，回應道:“I know.Thank you, mother .”
你的女兒是自推孩子，你並不需要太多擔心。不過，我建議你讓她不要給自己太大的壓力，削減了一些課程。我兒子選課當然有點少，所以他很放鬆，但下學期，他決定選擇更多課。
我兒子也是9年級，晚上9點前完成每天的功課，然後看體育頻道電視，吃水果,晚上10點上床睡覺.隻有一次做功課，直到晚上10:30,很生氣,抱怨壓力太大.
我應該分享你的女兒的故事給他,哈,哈,哈,哈.看看誰的壓力更大...
沉迷自我的 美
展喉歌唱的 醉
琢磨不定的 歎息
純潔無暇的 眼淚
有時 不經意
有時 太在意
盡情也盡心
卻不總盡意
也許
這是一個女孩
擁有的
花季
你是一個很善解人意的媽媽,更多的溝通，將有助於你的女兒.生命是一個旅程,讓女兒享受她的學習,並不是一切都旨在常春藤.florence001 說話有道理.可以參考參考.
my friends' daughters:
A. went to gift school,( also big public school) 95% asian american kids, majorly chinese kids and india kids. so much homework and study, asian kids are killing each other( on study) for fighting get into ivy league. no matter how many kids get 2300 to 2400 full score in SAT. the ivy league school only pick 3-5 kids in each public high school.
A 's mother pull her out in the last year high school, sent her to near by american public school with majority are white kids. she went to complately different environment, survived and thrived . she is wonderful 羽毛球手，made into American national team . she became two clubs president in the big american public school. she was accepted by MIT last year. her mom told me she picked the new sports in school and partys everyday. and interned in the wells sreet stock market this sammmer . she found this oppunity by herself.
B.
a girl was A' s long time classmate, they went to the gift school together. no sports( no need for sports) study is her full time job.
was accepted into another ivy league school.
the first year in school ,there are a lot of stress and presure. she suffered 失眠症 。can not deal with her american roommates. her parents went to her school,( from west side of the country) renting a room in the nearby hotal , pull her out sometime to have a better one night sleep.
失眠is the major sign of depression as we know.
my suggestion for B is that 休學一年，to make up some lessons , sports and social life .
only book and homework, plus tons of nerds, 一個女孩沒有花季。
when my daughter had chance to go to such an 95% asian kids school,(gift school) we decide not send her , we keep her in big public school, less than 20% asian kids school, she can join in the school sports team, stays in an american school environment. she is a top student, self-movtivted . we are pretty happy with her stay in such school.