2/25 星期一

周六, 天氣預報說最高氣溫有15度, 實際上, 還是很冷, 春天似乎仍舊遙遙無期. 和Dave一起喝下午茶, 聊聊最近的狀況. 公司還是老樣子, 起步緩慢, 我有點煩, 但又不願半途而廢; 約會, 沒什麽興趣, 有一搭沒一搭, 感覺不象談條件, 一切可商量, 感覺有就是有, 沒有就是沒有, follow my heart, 但my heart似乎不在我的控製之下. Dave今年打算獨立做business, 在忙著找新的辦公室和合作夥伴. Personal life不盡人意, Dave和他ex wife trying to spend more time together, but it turned out that she doesnt like his life style, and Dave doesnt wanna change. I can understand why she doesnt like his life style, Dave drinks too much, staying outside late all the time, no gf or wife would like that way. I said, "Well, if you love her, you need to change." "If she loves me, why she couldnt change for me?" Dave shot back. I was laughing, couldnt answer the question, cos I was thinking like that most time, even though I know that sounds mean and selfish. I guess to make a relationship work, both need to compromise at the certain point, but it would be very tough to make the line clear between willingly compromising and losing ourselve. Dave said, "I realized that, my wife was the right person 6 years ago, but she doesnt have to the right person for my whole life. People change, and life changes too." 我聽了, 沉默不語, 他這句話很重, 去年Dave剛打算和他ex wife複合的時候曾說, "without her in my life, I wouldnt be happy." 我不知道說什麽才好, 我一直覺得, there is no such "the right person", but the right persons for the different timings, someone I liked in my early 20s might not be the right one any more for me now, I changed, and what I am looking for from a man changed too. 我一直覺得那些"沒有他/她, 我這一輩子都不會幸福"的宣言很可笑,  那隻是一種自我暗示, 其實, 沒有任何人, 日子都一樣過, 為什麽要把自己一輩子的幸福和一個特定的人掛鉤? 難道覺得人生的辛苦drama還不夠多? But it doesnt mean that I cant commit, when I commit with someone, that means I would like to face all the challenges in future and change together with the person, work on making us match each other even with all the changes coming along. I cant guarantee that I would never change, that is impossible. Is that not enough for a commitment???

晚飯的時候, 看到幾個military boys, reminded me of someone who had vanished from my life. I do miss him a lot, honestly, and he is so right about that I wouldnt forget him... So what? Without whoever, life still goes on, and I think I am on the stage ready for a new love. 如果無法天長地久, 曾經擁有也不算太壞.


Channing Tatum, the hottie.

[jgey]

我的教誨你要牢記心頭,可以少走很多彎路,哈哈...!

[G.C.]

"but it would be very tough to make the line clear between willingly compromising and losing ourselves."

同感，同感。。。