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我的海歸和歸海的經曆11

(2009-02-06 08:42:23) 下一個
我的海歸和歸海的經曆11

從美國回來後, 在美商會的活動還是會極偶爾地碰到冷酷男. 我倆居然象是商量好的, 非常默契地對過往的事情一概不提. 隻是象老朋友那樣打著招呼, 說著一些BUSINESS, 裝腔作勢又好象若無其事. 他有時候也會試探著說"maybe we should have dinner sometimes?”, 我回應著說好呀好呀,可是他不知道是沒有勇氣還是沒有興趣,一直沒有正式邀請過我.

在後來一年多的時間裏,在斷斷續續碰到他的那幾次,每次他給我的名片幾乎都是不一樣的.我知道他後來七七八八嚐試過做好幾個BUSINESS, 也同時在一個律師事務所掛名做consultant, 一直到最後他和朋友一起合夥開了一個好象是HR方麵的顧問公司,總之,是個對他來說全新的領域.我記得他告訴我的時候,說了句, the good news is, 我以後主要做市場,這樣我將來可以幫你引薦更多的潛在客戶.我當時聽了這話,覺得非常的CONFUSE. 一直到現在我都不明白為什麽冷酷男那麽關心和渴望幫助我的business. 因為他驕傲的態度讓我絕對不想再庸人自饒自做多情.他對我真的是個迷,而我後來實在是沒有時間精力興趣再和他玩猜迷了.

差不多每隔兩三個月, 冷酷男都會給我發個EMAIL, 連基本的問候語都沒有, 就一句話 “某某某是我在工作中遇到的,他的聯係方式blahblah, 你和他聯係一下也許你們將來可以合作"對他這樣的email, 我每次都很禮貌很及時地回複感謝.直到最後一次.

那天也是因為一點事情心情比較低落, 在一個深秋有點寒意的晚上, 看到冷酷男這樣的email, 突然覺得無比煩躁, 那一瞬間連簡短地敷衍一下的心情都沒有.

這件事情過去的一個月後,我在美商會的活動裏碰到他,我想著剛好有機會和他打個招呼並表示一下禮貌性的感謝.

那天晚上一開始, 我就感覺到冷酷男拒人於千裏之外的冰冷和漠然…. 其實那天活動去的人不算多, 我又穿的比較醒目, 正常的情況下, 他應該在我進門的時候就看到我了. 可是他連看都不看我一眼, 並一直都在IGNORE 我的EYE CONTACT, 讓我甚至沒有一個主動去和他打招呼的台階… 甚至我站在吧台旁邊的時候, 他在我麵前走過, 近在伸手的距離, 他都還是沒有看我一眼…我一開始以為他又在一如既往扮酷裝B, 甚至抱有一點好笑地想看看他的表演怎樣落幕的心情…然而在人漸散去的時候, 在呆了兩個多小時以後, 在我心不在焉地和人聊完天之後的刻意地逡巡下, 驀然地發現, 他已經不知道在什麽時候悄悄地走了…他就這樣, 就這樣, 自始至終完全當我是空氣, 居然連一聲招呼都不打, 就這樣地離開了.

那是我最後一次見到冷酷男.

那天晚上在開車回家的路上, 一場暴雨剛剛結束. 10 點多的延安路高架竟然堵到無法移動…雨後的城市如洗淨風塵般清撤而柔媚, 在夜色裏顯的分外的魊魅而淒美. 我望著高架路兩邊燈火輝惶的夜景, 遠遠近近的霓虹燈流離閃爍…我看到第一次見到冷酷男時他指給我的可以幫他找到家的那棟樓, 淚居然不知不覺地悄悄滑落下來, 盡管我甚至不知道是應該覺得慶幸還是悲哀… 其實那時候我已經徹底從對冷酷男的感情裏走出來了, 然後這樣一個不堪的結局卻是我始料不及的. 我到現在都不明白冷酷男當初對我到底是怎樣的一份感情, 也永遠無從發現他這樣的反應僅僅是因為我沒有回他一封最最普通的EMAIL? 在和他兜兜轉轉的這兩年, 我始終還是沒有能夠明白他. 然而, 我知道, 我的人生裏, 他的這一頁到此是徹底的翻過去了.

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閱讀 ()評論 (29)
評論
luckystarweiwei 回複 悄悄話 I think 冷酷男 doesn't love you. Even though he might love (or say like) you at the beginning, I believe he forgot this afterwards. Don't make things so complicated to suspect that he is under big pressure, self-denying his love to you, feeling your personalities are not compatible....There is a movie called "He is just not that into you", which explains everything.
Sorry I don't want to be mean but can't help pointing out the truth.It's better to face the failure in our life, including everybody of us.
pj 回複 悄悄話 I think 冷酷男 never cared you before. What he wanted from you was only SEX.
nydct 回複 悄悄話 其實冷酷男早已把你這一頁翻過去了。他後來所有的殷勤不過是不想hurt you too much,不過是想有一個平和的ending.瞧,他的目的不是達到了麽?
allenko88 回複 悄悄話 I was deeply moved by your article. I am so surprised, if a girl likes her boyfriend, she can pretend to not like him as what you have done. I am totally surprised!

There are many types of good boys, but many good boy will stay away from you if he find you are not interested in him.

Because he want to find someone like himself also, just like you want to find someone like you. So if you really like that cool guy, why don’t you express to him, it is not a question of who will win or lose face, the one who express his feeling is the brave one, he or she deserve respect. I am sure you can let that cool guy come back if you apologize to him and tell her all your feelings toward him. But I don’t think he is a good one for you.

I just feel the cool guy is not a serious person. He is not serious about relationship. But I also feel you are also not serious, you don’t consider Chinese, because you think they think too much about the long term relation, which mean they are responsible and reliable. Generally most western people are more interested in short term relation, they always looking for fun and excitement. Not the peaceful love like water. I am not saying who is better than others, it depends your preference, but since you choose to date western boyfriend, you should realize this, not too serious. Don’t be jealous and angry if he has other friends. I just feel you want to make friends with western guy, but you also want to use Chinese guy’s standards to measure them, it is not realistic.

Also, I just feel you are wasting your time and energy, if you have a family, you will never have this kind of trouble about your feeling. You will focus on how to take care your family, how to make money. No need to experience this painful experience.
octopusy 回複 悄悄話 逸青, then you should use another analog. two cars in same running field are the same, "two parts in the same car" will be more suitable.
agree 你發掘了這樣的一個人物,創造性地演了這麽一場drama
People are so different, I may do the same thing, but I will never see it as a mentionalbe experience or drama.
Quite funny, seeing other people making out that 12 paragraphs. I admit, I was reading the whole of them as ironies although the author doesnt mean it.

summerbird 回複 悄悄話 我真是沒有看懂這個故事,搞得太複雜了吧?喜歡的話,要實實在在說出來啊,認為對方有問題的話(包括情緒、心理、個性等等),也可以平心靜氣地詢問對方啊.....

總的感覺就是,海歸是因為衝動的激越,歸海是因為衝動後的無趣。

看見山看見水,往往是因為心中(下意識中)想要看見山看見水,這麽解釋,冷酷男這樣的角色真的是你下意識需要的。你發掘了這樣的一個人物,創造性地演了這麽一場drama。

挺有啟發的回憶。不過現在(present)更重要。

心理分析的習慣,要調整一下。因為心理分析總是處理過去的數據,卻變換不出來創造性的突破。

逸青 回複 悄悄話 真有意思,翻一頁是一片讚譽,再翻一頁又是一片批評!山上的會說,快爬,還差那。山下的回說,哦,這樣的風景感觸相同。我真的很希望你能跳出這個圈子,忘了你是誰,你就會很清楚的了解真相了。
逸青 回複 悄悄話 其實,作者真的在追求幸福的愛情。她在經曆中成長。每個人都不是完美的,所以應該包容別人的不完美,當然不要忘記追求完美。有些時候,隻有在錯了之後,才能明白什麽是自己真正想要的。而女人往往活在自己編織的夢裏,而男人都活在現實世界。調整一下自己,想要幸福也不是難事。
逸青 回複 悄悄話 你倆根本就不是一條道上跑的車!沒錯阿,你再想想。感情和婚姻,都需要互補。做不到互補怎麽能跑到一起。
油噸子 回複 悄悄話 回複octopusy的評論:

Lost in Shanghai, 好名字!
cnca 回複 悄悄話 回複邢羽胭的評論:

難得你自己承認是個怨婦,你要那麽高興,自己把潑婦一塊拿去做好了!高不高興各人自己心裏最明白,就象樓主的文章一樣。至於發嗲,還是那句話,乘早上你那個match.com再碰碰運氣找個合適的對象去發吧!這可不是你發嗲的地方,真不知道你在吃哪門子的醋,上這來交個什麽勁?!
whycare 回複 悄悄話 At the end, only your family will give you the true love.
cnca 回複 悄悄話 回複邢羽胭的評論:

對不起俺還是頭次聽說這個什麽match.com,你是那的常客嗎?是不是經常上那去,又沒釣到什麽大魚,所以說起話來那麽不平衡,一付怨婦模樣,就知道會有你這種貨色要跳出來撒潑!省點時間和精力上你那個match.com再碰碰運氣吧!
辛格萊 回複 悄悄話 無病呻吟,何苦來
男人在矽穀 回複 悄悄話 Why not tell him that you love him? You should know 死要麵子,活受罪。You still have his email address, though Valentine's Day was just over.
mzgw 回複 悄悄話 Agree "cnca". 應該是自信受到打擊而流淚。
cnca 回複 悄悄話 天!居然最後還要流淚,真不明白你這淚是為何而流。若真是為了感情而流,那還值得些許同情,若是為了裝b裝輸而流,那你純粹活該!Sorry, maybe that sounds so mean, but that's really true.
cnca 回複 悄悄話 說白了還是自己不夠精明,象這種這麽能裝b的男人,既然一開始就看出來了,當時利馬就應該當機立斷不要交往。一個小屁國的內閣成員算個屁!想當年北美某國黨魁級的人物見過幾次麵、吃過兩次飯後,發現勁頭不對,利馬毫不留情的斷絕來往,甚至email address都刪得幹幹淨淨。
quickstart 回複 悄悄話 What a piece of shit.
octopusy 回複 悄悄話
逸青, this time you are wrong, they are the same cars in the same running field, for that sake they are both tired of the relationship.

Agree 真無聊,這種感情遊戲。

Contentswise are these articles quite boring,
literarily No.7/8 are the best, from 9 on is only redundant, too much subjective analyse and naive summary a "然而, 我知道, 我的人生裏, 他的這一頁到此是徹底的翻過去了" As I read this, I cannot help smiling, it sounds like those essays from primary school kids:-)
Concerning the contents of all paragraphs, the title
我的海歸和歸海的經曆 is quite irrelevant and misleading, maybe "lost in Shanghai"?
逸青 回複 悄悄話 套用我媽的一句話:你倆根本就不是一條道上跑的車!
redwest 回複 悄悄話 真無聊,這種感情遊戲。
懷著我的夢想 回複 悄悄話 這一封最最普通的EMAIL或許對他很重要,對於一個過於自重,虛榮,愛掩飾的男人,這如同你對他的蔑視,他希望看到你對他感恩戴德,雖然這些information在BUSINESS裏可能對你無助,對一個自私的人,任何付出,都會偏愛的加重其分量。
這一頁早該撕下,扔進垃圾。
xiaonüren 回複 悄悄話 男人如果事業上不能穩定下來,就不會自信地和女人交往,更不可能想象去和女人結婚成家,這樣的承擔太重了。冷酷男也是人,也不外乎人之常理,這我也是從我的有限的人生閱曆中讀懂的。所以你最明智的作法是忘記這一切,開始新感情,這也是說來容易作來難,需要時間來真的撫平這一切。希望能看到你在以後的故事中有一個幸福的感情歸屬!
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