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周末一笑: 醉酒的幽默(轉載)

(2017-01-06 15:44:00) 下一個

1 醉酒的幽默/Drunken Humor

Wife: Dear, you looked quite drunk last night and you kept repeating the same thing at the table.

Husband: Really? Then don't believe anything said by a drunken person. By the way, what did I say to you?

Wife: I love you, dear.

妻子：親愛的，你昨晚看上去真的醉了，飯桌上老嘮叨一件事。

丈夫：真的嗎？千萬別信一個醉漢說的話，對了，我都說了什麽？

妻子：我愛你，親愛的。

2 隻有一例/Only One Instance

Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:

″I have known many an instance of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″

一個星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那裏有他的幾封信。他打開其中一封,發現信中隻寫著“傻瓜”兩個字。

他平靜而認真地把這件事告訴教友們：“寫信時忘了簽名的人,我遇到過很多,但隻簽了名卻忘了寫信的人,我還是頭一次遇到。”

3 你等著發工資吧/Wait for your salary

If you are alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder.

If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. If you need money...

wait for your salary.

如果你感到孤獨，我做你的影子。如果你想哭泣，我做你的肩膀。如果你想要擁抱，我做你的枕頭。

如果你想要快樂，我做你的微笑。如果你想要錢……

等著發工資吧！

4 汽車配件/Automobile Fittings

A lorry driver makes inquiry of a mountaineer, "Excuse me, where can I buy the auto accessories in the neighborhood?"

Mountaineer says, "Some people usually drive heroic car on the road. There is an abrupt turn ahead not far from here, and a clough just below it, where you can find all kinds of the auto accessories. You will spend no money at all."

一個卡車司機向一登山者打聽：“請問，這附近哪兒能買到汽車配件？”

登山者說：“這條路上經常有人開英雄車，前麵不遠處是個急轉彎，急轉彎的下麵就是深穀，那深穀裏什麽樣的汽車配件都有——根本用不著花錢。”

5 死後重生/Life After Death

Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

“你相信人死後仍有生命嗎？”老板問他的一個員工。

“是的，先生。”這個新員工回答說。

“哦，那麽，這樣說來一切就很正常了，” 老板繼續說，“在你昨天提早離開去參加你奶奶的葬禮，她來這看你了。”

6 隻會幾個詞/Only a few words

At a court the judge is interrogating a mugger but gets into difficulty because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn't speak English. Don't you speak English at all? the judge asks. Only a few words, replies the mugger.

What words do you know?

Your purse or your life!

法庭上法官正審問一個搶劫犯，由於該犯是一個不會說英語的外國人，審問很困難。你一點英語都不會說嗎？法官問。我隻會說幾個詞，搶劫犯回答。

你會說哪幾個詞？

你是要錢還是要命！

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