南山鬆

陽光明媚清風起，微波蕩漾碧藍天。

首頁文章列表博文目錄

個人資料

南山鬆 (熱門博主)

給我悄悄話

博客訪問：

周末一笑: 恭維的話(轉載)

(2016-10-21 15:55:20) 下一個

1 恭維的話/Compliment

"Larry! Come here!" said his furious mother, putting the telephone down, " I've just had a call from Mrs. Harrison about your behavior to her Doris at the school dance last night. You wretched, rude boy!"

"I was nice to her, Mum, really I was!" protested the youth.

"I even paid her a compliment when we had a dance."

"Did you, indeed?" said his mother grimly, "And what exactly did you say?"

"I said, Gosh, Doris, you sweat less than any fat girl I've ever danced with!"

“拉裏，你過來!”媽媽放下電話後生氣地說，“我剛才接到哈裏森夫人的電話，她告訴我你在昨晚的學校舞會上對多麗絲行為不好，你可恥，粗魯!”

“媽媽，我對她很好，真的!”小夥子不服氣地說。“當我和她跳舞時我還說了一句恭維她的話。”

“你真的這麽做的嗎?”媽媽嚴厲地問。“你的原話是怎麽說的?”

“我說，啊呀，多麗絲，你比跟我跳過舞的任何胖姑娘出汗都少!”

2 我什麽也沒做/I didn't do it

One day a man came home from work to find total chaos in the house. The kids were laying outside in the mud, still in their pajamas.

When he opened the door, he found an even bigger mess: dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table and a pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys, and a lamp had been knocked over.

He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she might be ill or that something terrible had happened to her.

He found her in the bedroom still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a magazine.

She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day had gone.

He looked at her, bewildered, and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know, every day, you come home from work and ask me what I did today."

"Yes," was his reply.

She answered, "Well, today, I didn't do it!"

一天，一個男人下班回到家，發現屋子外麵一片狼籍。孩子們還穿著睡衣，躺在外麵的泥地裏。

打開房門，他發現屋子裏麵更亂。櫥櫃上堆著盤子，地上散落著狗食，桌子下麵有一隻打碎的玻璃杯，後門旁還有一堆沙子。家庭娛樂室裏散落著玩具，還有一盞燈翻倒在地上。

他邁過散落在樓梯上的玩具，上樓去找他的妻子。他開始擔心她生病了或是發生了什麽可怕的事情。

他發現她還穿著睡衣躺在床上，在看一本雜誌。

她抬頭看到他，笑著問他今天過得怎麽樣。

他看著她，困惑地問：“今天發生什麽事情了？”

她笑著問道：“你每天下班回家都會問我今天做什麽了。”

“沒錯啊，”他說。

她說：“是這樣的，今天，我沒做什麽！”

3 返老還童藥片/Rejuvenation pill

The old age had crept in on Mrs. Daly. Aches and pains bothered her day and night. One day, she received a package with some pills and a letter from her son. The letter said, "Dear Mom, I am sending you some wonder drug called rejuvenation pills. It will make you well and years younger."

A few months later, Jimmy came home. Sitting on the porch was a beautiful young lady rocking a cradle with a baby in it sucking the bottle.

"Where is my mother?" Jimmy asked.

"Don't be silly. I am your mother. Those pills were marvelous."

"Imagine, with one pill, you're as beautiful as anyone can be. Once more, you could have a baby, My, they are powerful."

"That's not a baby. That's your father, He took two."

黛麗女士漸漸變老了，身上的疼痛日日夜夜折磨著她。有一天，黛麗收到兒子寄來的一個包裹，裏麵放著一些藥片和一封信，兒子在信中說：“親愛的媽媽，我給你寄來了一些神奇的藥片，返老還童片，吃了後你會變得健康年輕。”

幾個月後，吉米回到家，一位年輕美麗的女士坐在門廊上搖著搖籃，搖籃裏有個嬰兒吸著奶瓶。

“我的媽媽呢？”吉米問。

“別犯傻了，我就是你媽媽，那些藥片太神了。”

“真是不可思議，那個藥吃了一片就可以美夢成真，再吃一片就可以生個孩子，哇塞，藥片可真厲害。”

“那可不是孩子，那是你爸爸，他吃了兩片。”

4 在養老院/In a Nursing Home

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. But after a while she starts to tilt to the other side.

The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright, this goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So, Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies, "Except they won't let me fart."

一個夜晚，一家人把年邁體虛的老母親送到了敬老院，希望她在那裏能得到悉心的照顧。

第二天，護士們給她洗澡，喂她吃不錯的早餐，把她安頓在窗旁的椅子上欣賞可愛的花園。她看上去一切都好，但是過了一會兒，老太太在椅子上開始靠向另一邊。

兩個細心的護士立即跑上前扶起她來。但是過了一會兒老太太開始向另一邊側彎身子。

兩個護士再一次跑過去把她扶正。就這樣反反複複了一上午。後來家人來看望老太太，看她是不是適應這個新家。“媽，在這裏過得怎麽樣？她們對你好嗎？”家人問。“很好，”老太太回答，“就是不準我放屁。”

5 回心轉意/A change of mind

Dear Susan:

Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated.

Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never meet another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so much.

Yours always and truly.

P.S: Congratulations on winning the state lottery.

親愛的蘇姍：

我的小甜心。自從我解除與你的婚約後，我一直倍感孤獨淒涼，簡直心力交瘁。

請你考慮回到我的身邊好嗎？你在我心目中的地位是任何女人都無法代替的。我再也不會遇到像你這樣的女人了。我是多麽需要你呀。你能原諒我，讓我們重新開始嗎？我是多麽愛你啊。

始終屬於你，忠實於你的。

附注：恭喜你中了州彩票。

6 午飯是他自個做的/He made his own lunch

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on the 30th floor of a building.

The Irishman opened his lunch box and said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."

Next day the Irishman opens his lunch b box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too, the blonde opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife is weeping, she says, "If I'd known how tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!" the Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," She said. "He made his own lunch."

一個愛爾蘭人，一個墨西哥人和一個金發男子在一棟樓房的第三十層施工。

愛爾蘭人打開飯盒說：“鹹牛肉和卷心菜！下次午飯還吃鹹牛肉和卷心菜，我就從這樓上跳下去。”

墨西哥人打開飯盒說：“又是玉米煎餅。下次如果還是玉米煎餅，我也跳下去。”

金發人打開飯盒說：“又是大臘腸。下次如果還是大臘腸三明治，我也跳下去。”

第二天，愛爾蘭人打開盒飯看到鹹牛肉和卷心菜便跳樓死了。墨西哥人打開飯盒看到玉米煎餅也跳了樓，金發人打開飯盒看到大臘腸也跳樓自殺了。

葬禮上，愛爾蘭人的妻子在哭泣，她說：“如果我知道他如此討厭鹹牛肉和卷心菜，我決不會再給他吃！”墨西哥人的妻子也在哭泣著說：“我會給他做玉米麵豆卷和辣肉卷！我沒有發現他是這麽不喜歡吃玉米煎餅。”每個人都把目光轉向金發男子的妻子並盯著她看。“嘿，別看我，午飯是他自個做的。”她說。

[ 打印 ]

[ 加入書簽 ]