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周末一笑: 一語雙關(轉載)

(2016-06-24 16:38:51) 下一個

1 一語雙關/Double meaning

Racehorse owner Bradley had all his horses’ names begin with the letter B, including one called Bad News. When someone asked why he gave the horse a name with such a negative connotation, Bradley explained, "Bad News travels fast. "

養賽馬的布拉德利的所有的馬的名字都以字母B開頭，其中一匹馬取名為“壞消息”。當有人問他為什麽給馬取這麽個貶義的名字時，他解釋說:“壞事傳千裏.”

2 誤會/Mistaken

When I came home from the State University of New York at Stony Brook sporting a fashionable, super-short haircut, my father teased me all the way to dinner at a local diner. " You look like a boy, " he said. " I sent a daughter away to school and I got back a son. "

By the time we were seated, dad had let up. Then the waitress appeared. "Hi," she said sweetly. "What may I get for you gentlemen this evening?"

我從美國紐約州立大學石溪分校回家時剪的是一種時髦的超級短頭。我父親在帶我去附近餐館的路上就一直逗我。“你看起來像個男孩，” 他說，“我送一個女兒去上學，卻回來了一個兒子。”

當我們就座後，爸爸倒是不說了。女服務員走了過來，“嘿，”她甜甜地打了個招呼:“今晚想吃點兒什麽，兩位紳士?”

3 遭白眼兒/Got a black eye

On a family vacation in Texas, my brother-in-law Mike exhibited the exuberance of a tourist. At a diner he and his brothers ordered cheeseburgers. When his meal arrived, the first thing Mike noticed was its size.

"Wow, "he exclaimed, "everything is bigger in Texas! "

As he lifted the burger to his lips, his eyes met the cold stare of a 300-pound waitress.

我們全家到德克薩斯去度假時，我姐夫邁克展示了一個旅遊者的活力。晚餐時他和他的兄弟要了奶酪漢堡。當他的飯被端上來後，邁克注意到的第一件事就是漢堡包的大小。

“哇，”他驚呼:“德克薩斯的每樣東西都比其他地方的大。”

就在他拿起漢堡要吃的時候，他注意到了一個有三百鎊重的女服務員的冰冷的目光。

4 病人和他的大夫/Patient and his doctor

A woman complained that her husband constantly hung around the house, doing or saying nothing. To please her, he went to see a psychiatrist. “Just lie down on the couch and we'll talk. "the doctor told him. "If you think of something to say, fine. If not, maybe next time.”

The guy got himself comfortable and fell fast asleep. At the end of the hour, the doctor woke him up and said, "That will be all for today—$100，please. "The patient paid and left.

The man came back every Tuesday and Thursday after that. Each time, he fell asleep without saying a word, but paid the fee. The third week, the patient came in, sat down and then jumped right up again. "Aha,"， marveled the doctor. "Have you thought of something to say?"

"Yes, do you need a partner?"

一位婦女抱怨其丈夫總是在家裏轉來轉去，無所事是。為了讓妻子高興，他去看了心理醫生。“你就躺在沙發上，我們來談談。”心理醫生告訴他:“如果你想起什麽要說，那很好。如果沒有的話，下次再講也行。”

這位男士舒適地躺在沙發上，很快就入睡了。到了一小時，大夫喚醒了他說: “今天就到這兒吧，請交100元。”病人付了錢之後就走了。

從此，那個人每周二、四來就診。每次，他一句話不說就睡覺，而且每次都付錢。第三周，病人來了，他後坐下後又立刻跳了起來。

“啊哈！”大夫驚喜道，“你想出要說的話了嗎?”

“是的，你需要一個搭檔嗎?”

5 沙丁魚的抱怨/Sardines' complaint

Two sardines were swimming in New York harbor when one suggested they go up to the Bronx for the weekend. "I'd rather not, " the other objected. "It's such a long swim."

"How about taking the subway?” his companion asked.

"No way!" replied the second sardine." And be packed in there like people?"

兩條沙丁魚在紐約港遊水，其中的一條建議到布朗克斯去度周末。“我寧願不去 ”另一條沙丁魚反對說: “要遊的距離太長了。”

“那麽坐地鐵怎麽樣? ”他的同伴問。

“沒門，”第二條沙丁魚說: “難道要像人類那樣擠在地鐵裏嗎? ”

6 談話/Chatting

First woman: "Working full time and trying to do the housework really gets to me. After work yesterday I came home and washed the clothes and the dishes. Tomorrow I have to wash the kitchen floor and the front windows..."

Second woman: "What about your husband?"

First woman: "Absolutely not! He can wash himself.”

第一個婦女:“工作一整天後還要做家務，可真夠我受的。昨天下班後我回到家洗了衣服和碗。明天我還要洗廚房的地板和前麵的窗戶……”

第二個婦女:“那你丈夫呢?”

第一個婦女:“他絕對不用我洗，他自己會洗。”

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