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周末一笑: 問問題(轉載)

(2016-01-29 15:22:07) 下一個

1 問問題/Asking A Question

During the computer class, the teacher chastised one boy for talking to the girl sitting behind him.

"I was just asking her a question.” the boy said.

"If you have a question, ask me, "the teacher replied

“OK, "the boy answered. “Do you want to go out with me Friday night?"

計算機課上，老師批評一個男生，因為他和後邊的女生說話。

“我隻不過問她一個問題。”男生說。

“如果你有問題，問我好了。”老師說道。

“那好吧，”這個男生說，“周五晚上你願意和我一起出去嗎?”

2 好消息和壞消息/Good News and Bad News

There’s good news and bad news,” the divorce lawyer told his client.

"I could sure use some good news,” sighed the client. "What’s it？”

"Your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement.”

"And the bad news？”

"After the divorce, she's marrying your father.”

“有好消息，也有壞消息，”離婚律師告訴他的當事人。

“我總能利用一些好消息吧，”當事人歎了口氣說，“是什麽好消息?”

“你妻子沒有要求將你未來的繼承財產也劃入裁決的範圍。”

“那麽壞消息呢?”

“離婚以後，她將與你父親結婚。”

3 教育階段/ Education Stage

The dean of Engineering had once walked into a class, and said "Good Morning.”

The whole class chorused" Good Morning.”

"Hi，you are freshmen aren’t you?" he asked.

One student bolder than the others asked him how he knew.

"Well，” he said. "When I say ‘Good Morning' to a class， if they are freshmen they say Good Morning' too. If they are sophomores， they quietly fold their papers away, and look at me. A class of juniors will look at me over the top of their papers, and then get back to them. A class of seniors will ignore my greeting, and keep reading the papers. When I say `Good Morning' to a class of graduate students, they write it down.”

一天工程係的主任走進一個班，說道:“早上好。”

全班齊聲回複:“早上好。”

“你們是大一的吧?”主任問道。

一個膽子比較大的同學問主任是怎麽知道的。

“嗯，”主任說，“如果是大一的新生，當我向他們問早上好的時候，他們也一定會說‘早上好’的。如果他們是大二的學生，他們會輕輕地合上課本，然後集體望著我。大三的學生則會從書本上抬起頭看我一眼，然後馬上又繼續讀書了。大四的學生則會對我視而不見，繼續看書。至於研究生班的學生，我向他們問早上好，他們就會把這句話寫在筆記上。”

4 生日來臨之際/As the years turn

For her 82nd birthday, I surprised my grandmother with a birthday greeting signed by the President. (Upon request, this service is available to seniors over 80.) When I asked grandma how she felt receiving a card from the White House, she had a ready answer. "There's no privacy in this country anymore, "she said. "They even keep track of your birthday. "

我奶奶過82歲的生日時，我送給她一份驚奇的禮物—一張由總統簽名的生日賀卡。(根據規定，80歲以上的老年人可得到此項服務。)當我問奶奶收到來自白宮的賀卡有何感想時，她毫不猶豫地回答說:“在這個國家，再也沒有隱私了，他們就連你的生日都追蹤著。”

5 訓獸童/A little zookeeper

A boy of about ten was sitting on a city bus with a briefcase on his lap. Periodically the youngster would whisper into his coat. A woman passenger caught his eye with a quizzical look and, in response, the boy produced a small white mouse from his shirt pocket. "He's just a baby. "explained the youngster. "His parents are in here. " Opening his briefcase, he brought forth a pair of slightly Larger white mice from among a dozen or so that scurried around inside. By this time several other passengers had formed an audience, and the boy patiently explained his interest in mice, how to take care of them, their eating habits, their different personalities and so on.

As the bus pulled up to his stop, the boy slipped the mice back into his briefcase and rose to leave his rapt audience. Starting down the steps, he turned back for a moment.

"They are for my snake. "he said and disappeared out of the door.

一位十歲的男孩腿上放著手提箱，正坐在一輛城市公共汽車上。這個孩子不斷地對著他衣服小聲嘟嚷。一位女乘客從這個男孩的眼神裏看到一種疑感。緊接著這個小男孩從他的襯衣兜裏拿出一隻小白鼠，並解釋說:“這是個鼠崽子。他的父母也在這裏。”打開他的手提箱，他從大約有十幾個的白鼠中挑出一對稍大的。這時其他的乘客也圍了過來。小男孩耐心地講著他對白鼠的興趣，怎樣照顧它們，它們的飲食習慣及不同的特性。

待車在汽車站停下時，小男孩把小白鼠放回到手提箱，站起來，離開了這些著了迷的觀眾。他下車時轉過身對大家說:“這些是用來喂我的蛇的。”說著，他就消失了。

6 聰明的大夫/"Clever" doctor

As a doctor is examining a patient, his nurse bursts in and says,” Excuse me, but that man you just treated walked out of the door and collapsed on the front step. What should I do?"

"Turn him around, "the doctor answered, "So it looks like he was walking in.”

大夫正為一個病人做檢查時，她的護士闖了進來說:“請原諒，剛才在您這兒看病的那位病人出門時摔在前麵的台階上了，我該怎麽辦呢?”

大夫回答:“給他轉個身，這樣，別人看起來會以為他是正往裏走。”

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