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1 人是怎麽來的?
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
一個孩子問他的父親，“人是怎麽生出來的？”於是他的父親說，“亞當和夏娃製造了嬰兒，他們的孩子成為大人後又製造嬰兒，如此循環。”孩子然後去他的母親那兒，問她同樣的問題，她對他說，“我們先是猴子然後我們就進化成為像我們現在的樣子。”孩子跑回到他的父親那兒說：“你騙我！”他的父親說，“沒有，你媽媽說的是她家那邊的情況。”
2 稱讚
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
妻子：“我看起來很胖，你能稱讚我一下嗎？”
丈夫：“你有完美的視力。”
3 聰明的獅子狗
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The poodle thinks, "Uh, oh!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard. "That was close! That poodle nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!" Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear. "Where's that damn monkey?" the poodle says. "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
一個富有的老婦人決定在非洲野生動物園拍照片，她的獅子狗與她為伴。有一天，獅子狗開始追逐蝴蝶，不久，他發現他迷路了。他在徘徊時，注意到一隻饑餓的豹子迅速向他的方向走來。獅子狗想，“不好！”注意到在附近的地麵上有一些骨頭，他立刻平息下來背對著接近他的豹子啃骨頭。正當豹子即將飛撲時，獅子狗感歎一聲，“嘿，這隻豹子真好吃！我不知道這裏是否還有更多的？”聽到這裏，豹在他的攻擊中停了下來，一臉恐怖的神色，他悄悄跑開消失在樹林中。“唉！”豹說。“好險！那獅子狗離我那麽近！”與此同時，猴子在附近的一棵樹上一直在觀察整個場景，想著他可以把這些知識很好地利用來換取豹的保護。因此，他迅速離去，獅子狗看到猴子以極快的速度向豹的方向離開後，知道有什麽事情要發生。猴子很快就趕上了豹子，揭示了秘密並為自己與豹定下了交易。豹非常生氣被人愚弄，說：“來，猴子，跳到我的背上，然後你就可以看我嚼了那個獅子狗！”於是，獅子狗看到豹子和他的背上的猴子來了，他想：“我現在該怎麽辦？”狗沒有跑，他坐下來，背對著他的攻擊者，假裝他還沒有見到他們，然後等到他們足夠近了能聽到了。“那個該死的猴子在哪兒呢？”獅子狗說。“我一個小時前讓他給我帶來另一隻豹子！”
4 起名
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replied "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Duh huh guh nuh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock."
一個農場裏有五頭牛，是一個牛媽媽和四頭小牛。第一個孩子向媽媽走來問：“媽媽，為什麽我的名字是玫瑰？”牛媽媽回答說，“因為親愛的，在你出生的時候一片玫瑰花瓣落在你的頭上了。”另一頭小牛走了過來，問：“媽媽，為什麽我的名字是百合？”媽媽回答說：“因為親愛的，在你出生的時候一片百合花瓣落在你的頭上了。”第三個孩子走了過來，問：“媽媽，為什麽我的名字是菊花？” 牛媽媽再次回答“因為，你出生的時候一片菊花花瓣落在你的頭上了。”最後的嬰兒走了過來，說：“嗒,哈,嘎,呐！” 牛媽媽說：“閉嘴，煤渣。”
5 男孩和猴子
A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that monkey to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."
在肩膀上有一隻猴子的一個男孩走在路上經過一位警察時，警察說，“現在，年輕的小夥子，我看你最好把那隻猴子帶去動物園。”第二天，男孩與在他肩上猴子再次走在路上，他經過同一位警察。警察說，“嘿，我想我跟你說了帶那隻猴子去動物園！”男孩說，“我去了！今天我要帶他去電影院。”
6 鸚鵡和魔術師
A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician did the same tricks each week. However, there was a problem, the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting out the secrets in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat." "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table." "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day, the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself with the parrot, adrift on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, then another, and another. Finally, after a week, the parrot said, "Okay, I give up. Where the heck is the boat?"
魔術師曾在加勒比地區的遊輪上工作。因為觀眾每周不同，所以魔法師每星期表演同樣的魔術。然而，就有了一個問題，船長的鸚鵡每星期看了節目，開始懂得魔術師是如何做到每一個把戲。他一明白，他就在表演中開始喊出表演的秘密，“你看，這不是同一頂帽子。”“你看，他把花藏在桌子底下。”“嘿，為什麽所有的牌都是黑桃A？”魔術師非常憤怒，但他不能做任何事，畢竟那是船長的鸚鵡。有一天，船出了事故沉沒了。魔術師發現自己與鸚鵡在海洋中漂泊在同一塊木板上。他們仇恨地盯著對方，但並沒有說一個字。這種情況持續了一天，然後又一天。最後，一個星期後，鸚鵡說：“好吧，我放棄了。船在哪兒呢？”
草之書好! 謝謝你喜歡:)
草之書, 新周快樂!
晴好! 很喜歡你的意大利菜啊, 那麽多種, 好饞人:)
晴, 新周快樂!
冬日好! 嗯, 非常聰明的小狗:)
冬日, 周日快樂!
哈哈, 謝謝水沫喜歡和鼓勵:)
水沫, 周日快樂!
問好青荷! 周末快樂!
點點好! 是啊,有時候孩子們的問題很難回答. 實話實說的丈夫.獅子狗聰明啊:)
點點, 周末快樂!
美眉好! 周末快樂!
白梅, 請多保重. 等你想寫的時候再接著寫:)
Dear Song song, I am too tired.
I just need a break.
Thanks a lot!
白梅好! 你的文章都刪了? 為什麽呀?
謝謝你的支持,也祝你闔家感恩節快樂!
默默好! 謝謝你喜歡:)
默默, 周末快樂!
Thanks a lot for your sharing!
Thanks a lot for everything!
All the best to you and your family!
Thanksgiving is around the corner. I would like to send my best wishes to you and your family.
Happy Thanksgiving!