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2022 (47)
1 漂亮嗎？
A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
律師剛剛從麻醉手術後醒來，他的妻子正坐在他的身邊。他睜開眼說：“你真美！”然後他又睡著了。他的妻子從來沒有聽到過他這樣說，於是她留在他身邊。
一兩分鍾後，他睜開眼說：“你很可愛！”於是，妻子很失望，因為不是“美麗”，是“可愛”了。她問，“怎麽不是'美麗'了？”他回答說“藥勁消失了！”
2 拉倒吧
After an elderly couple starts getting forgetful, they visit their doctor. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband. "I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well, I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it," the wife replies.
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen, and his wife hears pots and pans banging.
The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"
一對老年夫婦開始變得健忘後，他們去看了醫生。他們的醫生告訴他們，很多人覺得自己給自己寫小紙條有用。
當他們回到家時，妻子說：“親愛的，請你去廚房給我拿些冰淇淋？也許寫下來你就不會忘記？”
“胡說，”丈夫說。“我能記得一碟冰淇淋。”
“好，上麵加些草莓和奶油，”妻子回答說。
“我的記憶不是那麽壞，”丈夫說。 “沒問題–帶草莓和奶油的冰淇淋,我不需要寫下來。”
他走進廚房，他的妻子聽到鍋碗瓢盆的乒乓聲。
丈夫終於走出廚房，並展示給他的妻子一盤熏肉和雞蛋。
她看著盤子問：“嘿，我要的烤麵包片在哪兒？”
3 冰箱
Bertha was worried about her husband George, so one day she took him to the doctor's. As the doctor called George in and looked him over, George began insisting, "There's nothing wrong with me. I know because God takes care of me." What do you mean?" asked the doctor. "Well," George responded, "when I go to the bathroom he turns the light on and off."
The doctor decided he had better talk to both George and his wife, so he calls Bertha into the room and begins to explain, "George says God turns the light on and off for him when he goes to the bathroom. Is it true that --" "DAMMIT, George!" Bertha bursts out, "How many times do I have to tell you not to piss in the fridge?"
貝莎很擔心她的丈夫喬治，於是有一天她帶他去看醫生。當醫生叫喬治進去並檢查一番，喬治開始堅持說，“我沒錯。我知道，因為神在照顧我。” “你是什麽意思？”醫生問。“嗯”，喬治回答說： “當我去洗手間時，神開燈和關燈。”
醫生決定他最好跟喬治和他的妻子一起談話，所以他叫貝莎進了房間，並解釋，“喬治說當他去衛生間時，上帝給他開燈關燈，這是真的 - - ” “該死的，喬治！” 貝莎喊道，“多少次了，我要告訴你不要在冰箱裏小便?”
4 生育巧合
Four expectant fathers pace in a hospital waiting room while their wives are in labor. The nurse enters and tells the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins."
"What a coincidence," the man says. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."
A little later, the nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets."
"That's really an incredible coincidence," he answers. "I work for the 3M Corporation."
An hour later, the nurse tells the third man that his wife has just given birth to quadruplets.
The man says, "I don't believe it! I work for the Four Seasons. What a coincidence."
After hearing this, everyone's attention turns to the fourth guy who has just fainted. He slowly regains consciousness and whispers, "I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers."
四個準爸爸在醫院候診室的踱步，而他們的妻子都在生產。護士走進來告訴第一人，“恭喜你，你是雙胞胎的父親。”
“真巧，”那人說。“我在明尼蘇達雙城棒球隊工作。”
過了一會兒，護士回來，告訴第二個人，“你是三胞胎的父親。”
“這真是一個令人難以置信的巧合，”他回答。“我在3M公司工作。”
一個小時後，護士告訴第三個人，他的妻子剛剛生下四胞胎。
該名男子說，“我不相信！我為四季工作。真是太巧了。”
聽完這話，大家的注意力轉向那個剛剛暈倒的第四人。他慢慢恢複意識，並低聲說：“我不該在千年計算機工作。”
5 離婚和喝酒
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.
His wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband. "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
一個男人和他的妻子在一家餐廳，丈夫一直盯著在附近桌子的一個酒醉老太太痛飲她的杜鬆子酒。
他的妻子問：“你認識她嗎？”
“是的，”丈夫感歎道。“她是我的前妻，我們七年前離婚後她開始飲酒，我聽說她一直沒有再清醒過。”
“我的上帝啊！”妻子說。“誰能想到一個人能夠慶祝那麽久？”
6 董事會主席
To surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
為了給她丈夫一個驚喜，一個行政人員的妻子去了他的辦公室。
當她打開門時，她發現他的秘書坐在他的腿上。
沒有猶豫，他說道“作為結論，先生們，削減預算或者不削減預算，我無法在隻有一把椅子的這間辦公室裏繼續經營。”
雪花好! 是啊, 誰想到那是為了慶祝呢:)
雪花, 新周快樂!
哈哈, 海倫好! 沒事喂點藥,你可太逗了~~~
海倫, 新周快樂!
白梅好! 越活越年輕,多好了:)
白梅,新周快樂!
鬆鬆國慶節快樂~~~
謝謝你的分享！
開心快樂！
哈哈, 惜福好! 不會那麽慘吧:)
惜福, 周末快樂!
哈哈, 小婷玩笑了, 你不會健忘的:)
小婷, 周末快樂!
水沫好! 我也喜歡第四個:)
水沫, 周末快樂!
花甲老翁好! 真不用太擔心, 許多人很大歲數都眼不花, 耳不聾, 思維敏捷呢:)
花甲老翁, 周末快樂!
藤蟬好! 謝謝你喜歡:)
藤蟬, 周末快樂!
周末快樂，鬆鬆！
橄欖樹好! 嗯, 可見身體好, 記性好對老人多麽重要啊:)
橄欖樹, 周末快樂!
美眉好! 嗯, 人老了後, 記憶力好, 身體好是最好的了:)
美眉, 周末快樂!
點點好! 用藥時說的話有時不可信啊, 有些老年人麵對的問題還挺多呢:)
點點, 周末快樂!
冬日好! 如果全都巧合了, 那在千年計算機工作的父親可就慘了~
冬日, 周末快樂!
默默好! 覺得日本人的評價是對的, "女人是因為可愛才漂亮".
默默, 周末快樂!
但第一個有異議：女人是因為可愛才漂亮，而漂亮不一定可愛。在日本，對女人的最高評價就是“可愛”，而非漂亮。
青荷好! 我也喜歡這兩個:)
青荷, 周末快樂!