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1 墓地驚魂
One dark night two guys were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery.
When they got to about the middle of the graveyard they were startled and stopped moving. There was this terrifying noise, “TAP-TAP-TAP” coming from the shadows.
Trembling with fear, they spotted an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath.
“You SCARED us half to death. We thought you were a GHOST! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!!"
一個漆黑的夜晚，兩個小夥子參加完聚會，決定抄近路穿過一片墳地走回家。
走到墳地的中間，從陰暗處傳出來恐怖的“嗒、嗒、嗒”聲音，嚇得他們再也走不動了。
渾身顫抖著，他們發現有個老人正拿著榔頭和鑿子鑿一塊墓碑。
“噢，主啊，”其中一個屏住呼吸說，
“你嚇死我們了，我們還以為你是鬼了。這麽晚了你在這幹什麽呢？”
“這些傻瓜！”老人抱怨說，“他們拚錯了我的名字！”
2 半個還是十分之五
Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?
Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.
Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.
Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.
老師：你願意要半個柑橘，還是十分之五個柑橘？
傑拉得：我寧可要半個。
老師：仔細想想，說出理由來。
傑拉得：因為你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就損失太多了。
3 看情況
Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?
Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.
旅行者：我還能趕上3點鍾那班到多倫多的火車嗎？
售票員：那得看你跑得有多快。火車15分鍾前開出。
4 電子郵件
A man left for a vacation to Jamaica.
His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail message.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: "Dearest wife, just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here."
有個人去牙買加度假，他的妻子正好出差，所以打算在他到之後的第二天去找他。
他到了賓館，想要給妻子發封郵件，但是記著郵箱的紙找不到了，於是他憑著記憶把信發到了一個郵箱。很不幸，他漏掉了一個字母，因此他的信發到了一個老傳教士的妻子的郵箱裏，而傳教士恰好在前一天去世了。
悲痛的老婦人察看郵箱，看著顯示器屏幕她尖叫一聲，隨後就倒在地上死去了。
聽到她的聲音，家人趕忙跑進她的房間，隻見這樣一句話顯示在屏幕上：“親愛的，快來吧。為了你明天的到來，一切都準備好了。愛你的丈夫。
順便說一句，這裏可真夠熱的。”
5 同去
At midnight father saw that his married son leaving home... He asks him: what are you doing?
The son replied: Dad I am fed up with my life! My newly marriage is not going well, my wife and my mom keep fighting with each other! I have to pay bills for my in-laws, and I hate this life!!! I want to go far from here, I want to taste every joy of life, and I want to have every fun of life!!!
Father said: Wait!!!!!!!! I am coming with you.
午夜時分，父親看到他結婚的兒子離家出走......他問他：你在做什麽？
兒子回答：爸爸，我受夠了我的生活！我的新婚不順利，我的妻子和我的媽媽不斷吵架！我必須支付我公婆的賬單，我恨這種生活！我想去很遠的地方，我想品嚐生活的歡樂，我想擁有生活的樂趣！
父親說：等一下!!!!!!!!我跟你一起去。
6 親戚
A couple drove several miles down a country road with intense silence. Not a word was said to each other. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede his position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?” "Yep,” the husband replied, "in-laws ".
一對夫婦驅車數英裏在鄉村小路上卻非常的沉默，沒有一個字要對對方說。較早的討論導致了爭吵，他們誰也不想退讓。當他們經過有騾子和豬的農場院落時，妻子諷刺地說，“你的親戚？”
“是的，”丈夫回答說，“姻親”。
謝謝冬日喜歡,問好!
水沫好! 最後一個是針尖對麥芒:) #2說的的確有道理:)
水沫, 新周快樂!
雪花好! 嗯, 有趣的抱怨:)
雪花, 周日快樂!
美眉好! 我也是非常喜歡那兩個:)
美眉, 周日快樂!
是啊, 小婷, 他是個聰明的孩子:)
小婷, 新周快樂!
默默好! 第一個是夠嚇人的:)
默默, 周末快樂!
鬆鬆周末愉快！
點點好! 嗯, 婚姻中有快樂也有苦惱. 那個郵件成了奪命郵件了~
點點, 周末快樂!
謝謝東東來玩, 周末快樂!
哈哈, 橄欖樹, 丈夫也是口齒伶俐啊:)
橄欖樹, 周末快樂!