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1 兩個士兵
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one's name was George, and the second one's name was Bill. George said, "Have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "Have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
軍營裏有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”
比爾說：“有。”然後把信紙和信封給了喬治。
喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢。”比爾又把自己的筆給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完後把信放進信封裏，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。
這時比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎?”
比爾說：“是的。”隨即打開了門。
喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進辦公室的信箱裏，還有......”他停住了。
“你還要什麽?”比爾問。
喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
2 西點軍校
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visiting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
父親、哥哥和我到西點軍校去觀看一場陸軍與波士頓大學之間的橄欖球賽。開始之前，我們到處轉了轉，碰到許多穿著整齊製服的學員。幾名遊客問新兵是否願意擺出軍姿來讓他們攝。“好讓我們的兒子知道，如果他到西點軍校來學習會得到什麽。”
一對中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學員，問她是否願意擺個姿勢照相。他們解釋說：“我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點軍校錯過了什麽。”
3 送給女友的禮物
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
在一家珠寶店裏，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。“要我把她的名字刻在上麵嗎?”珠寶商問道。
那名顧客想了一會兒，然後說道：“不--在上麵刻‘給我唯一的愛’。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。”
4 拿破侖病了
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
傑克到一所大學去學曆史。第一學期結束時，曆史課教授沒讓他及格。學校讓他退學。然而，傑克的父親決定去見教授，強烈要求讓傑克繼續來年的學業。
“他是個好孩子，”傑克的父親說：“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進步，學期結束時，他一定會考好的。”
“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答。“你知道嗎?上個月我問他拿破侖什麽時候死的，他都不知道。”
“先生，請再給他一次機會吧。”傑克的父親說：“你不知道，恐怕是因為我們家沒有訂報紙。我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”
5 勢均力敵
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
有一天某位女士看到一隻老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她衝出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一隻老鼠夾。店主告訴她：“放點奶酪在裏麵，很快你就會逮住那隻老鼠的。”
這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家裏，但她沒有在碗櫥裏找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店裏去，因為已經很晚了。於是，她就從一份雜誌中剪下一幅奶酪的圖片放進了夾子。
令人稱奇的是，這畫有奶酪的圖片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，這位女士下樓到廚房時，發現鼠夾裏奶酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片!
6 園藝手套
For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare."
Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.
幾個月以來，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的結婚戒指，因為我對黃金有點過敏。生日那天，我正在幹園藝活時，丈夫問我想要什麽禮物。我舉起雙手說：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的兩手都是光光的。”
那天晚上，我滿懷熱情地拆開了丈夫送的禮物。“生日快樂!”他說。我打開一看：裏麵包著一雙園藝手套。
哈哈, 高興極了:)
問好fengdaming, 新周快樂!
嗯, 就是啊:)
問好家MM, 新周快樂!
哈哈, 也許不是老鼠? 還有他人?~~~
雪花, 周末快樂!
小小好! 那位男友好像對愛情缺乏信心:)
能承認燒了圓明園的人真是讓人醉了~~~
小小, 周末快樂!
還有那位學生在家長的“教育”下竟然承認燒了圓明園，哈哈：）））
謝謝鬆鬆分享！
哈哈, 敢跟警察逗著玩, 這人的膽子也太大了~
問好水沫, 周末快樂!
哈哈哈, 這個家長也是非常牛!~~~
問好特高興, 周末快樂!
嗯, 誰知道老鼠那麽聰明呢~~~
問好美眉, 周末快樂!
想起另一個笑話。老師問學生圓明園是誰燒的。學生說不是他燒的。老師告給了學生家長。後來家長說：他承認燒了，咱得賠多少錢？哈哈哈
點點好! 覺得那位妻子可以說得再直白一些, 免得人家聽不懂:) 那位父親真是幫了倒忙. 嗯, 當兵有風險也有好處:)
點點, 周末快樂!
開心好! 看到你的名字就感到開心:)
開心, 周末快樂!
erdong好! 很喜歡你看牽牛織女星的那篇:)
erdong, 周末快樂!
哈哈, 桐兒, 這家什麽人啊, 一點都不關心老拿~~~
好喜歡你唱的歌:)
桐兒, 周末快樂!
謝謝鬆鬆，祝你周末快樂！