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1 最樂觀的人
William may well be called the champion optimist. He was sitting on the roof of his house during a flood, watching the water flow fast, then the neighbor who owned a boat rowed across to him.
"Hi, William!" said the man.
"Hi, Jack!" replied William, brightly.
"All your fowls washed away this morning?"
"Yes, but it doesn't matter, you know the ducks can swim.”
"Orange trees gone, too?"
"Yes, but everybody said the crop would be failure anyhow.”
"I see the river's reached above your windows, William.”
"That’s all right, Jack, "was the reply. "The windows needed washing.”
威廉姆可以稱得上是最樂觀的人了。在洪水泛濫的時候他坐在自家的房頂上，看著湍急的洪水不斷泛濫。他的鄰居坐在船上劃向他。
“晦，威廉姆!”劃船的男人招呼他。
“晦，傑克!”威廉姆愉快地回應他。
“你家裏的家畜今天早上都被洪水衝走了嗎?”
“是的，不過這不要緊的，你知道，鴨子是會遊泳的!”
“橘子樹也被衝走了嗎?”
“是的，但是大家都說莊稼總有不行的那一天。”
“威廉姆，我看見洪水都淹沒你的窗戶了。”
“那太好了，傑克。”威廉姆答道，“窗子正需要清洗呢!”
2 把他送走!
The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it，they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when mother found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it. The children took the news of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time, and we’ll miss him."
"Yes," Mom replied." But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes."
Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him."
But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage."
With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"
孩子們都想要一隻倉鼠。在他們發出了堅定的誓言自己照顧那個動物之後，他們真的得到了一隻。他們給它取了名字叫“丹尼”。兩個月後，媽媽終於意識到實際上清洗和喂養這隻動物的事全是由她一人承當著。因此，她為那隻倉鼠找了個新家。孩於們對“丹尼”的離開並沒做出什麽反應。隻有其中的一個說了句: “他和我們在一起已有很長一段時間了, 我們會想他的。”
“是呀，”媽媽說，“但是，由一個人來照顧他也實在是夠累的。既然我就是那個人，我說送他走。”
另一個孩於說: “如果他吃的不那麽多，他不那麽髒亂，也許我們還能把他留下。”
但是媽媽很堅決: “現在該給丹尼找個新家了，”媽媽一點兒也不肯讓步。“去把他的籠子拿來。”
這時孩子們異口同聲地喊了起來: “丹尼? 我們還以為是送爹爹走呢!”
3 提醒
Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn't you?" I teased.
"Are you kidding?" he replied, “Why else would I have bothered to clean?"
我們的兒子是密歇根州阿爾馬大學的新生，開學幾個星期之後，我和丈夫決定去看看他。我特意提前給他打電話，“提醒”他我們將光臨。但是當我們來到宿舍時，他的房間淩亂不堪，我非常吃驚。“忘了我們要來，是吧?”我取笑他。
“開什麽玩笑?”，他回答說，“要不然我肯定已經自己打掃了。”
4 驚奇!
My first waitressing job was in a coffee shop. We featured a lunch special called "Tuna Salad Surprise", a tuna sandwich served with soup and chips. When our sandwich maker didn't show up for work one hectic Saturday, we had to prepare our own sandwiches.
A man sat down and ordered the special. I raced to the sandwich board, prepared the order, poured his coffee and rushed to the next customer. Later, as I delivered his check, he noted politely that he had never eaten a potato salad sandwich before. Horrified at my mistake, I asked, "Why didn't you tell me it was potato salad instead of tuna?"
"I thought that was the surprise."
我做招待工作始於咖啡店。我們有道午餐特餐叫“金槍魚沙拉驚奇”。這個套餐實際上就是把金槍魚三明治、湯、薯條搭在一起吃。一個忙碌的星期六，我們那做特餐三明治的廚師沒來上班，我們隻好自己準備三明治。
一位男食客坐下來，要了這道特餐。我跑到了三明治櫃台，替他準備好了套餐，又給他倒了一杯咖啡，就開始招待下一位食客。不久，我把帳單遞給了要特餐的食客。他很禮貌地說，他從沒吃過土豆沙拉三明治。這時我才意識到我把三明治弄錯了，我真有點害怕了。我問他: “你為什麽不早告訴我特餐是土豆沙拉而不是金槍魚沙拉呢?”
“我還以為那就是所謂的驚奇呢。”
5 關心
A customer at my teller's window was grumbling about the low interest rate on his savings account. He finally said he was just going to take all his money out of the bank, dig a hole in his back yard and bury it.
The teller next to me leaned over. "Sir, I couldn't help overhearing. Tell me, what is your address?"
一位顧客站在我的出納窗口前，埋怨存錢的利率太低。最後，他說他要把所有的錢從銀行裏取出來，在自家後院挖個坑，把錢埋了。
隔壁窗口的出納員探過身來說: “先生，我實在不想偷聽，但還是聽到了，告訴我，您住在什麽地方?”
6 過分緊張
My little girl loves animals, but one day she was bitten by a small field mouse she'd found. She carried it home in her pocket and told me what happened. Worried about rabies, I called our town humane society and was told that the animal would have to be examined, and they'd send someone for it.
When the humane society truck pulled up, a big man got out, put on a pair of gauntlets and took a capture stick and a big cage from the back of the truck. Trying not to laugh, I handed him a small shoe box containing the mouse.
"Lady, "he said, seeing my expression, "they only told me it was a wild animal.”
我的小女兒喜歡動物。但有一天，她被一隻她找到的小田鼠咬了一口。她把那小動物放在口袋裏帶了回來，並把所發生的一切都告訴了我。由於害怕她被傳染上鼠疫，我給鎮上的社區醫院打了電話。他們告訴我這個小動物應被檢查一下，還說他們會派人去把它取走。
社區醫院的卡車停在了我家門口，一個大個子下了車，他戴上了防護手套，從車的後箱裏取出一根棍子和一個籠子。我盡量克製自己不笑出來，把那裝有小田鼠的鞋盒子遞給了他。
“太太，”當他看到我的表情時他說，“他們隻告訴我說是野生動物。”
問好梔子花, 很高興你來玩:)
周末快樂!
謝謝你的分享！
握手問好！
哈哈,就是,可憐的Daddy~~~
特高興,周末快樂!
好可憐的Daddy。
問好雪花!是啊,他們怎麽能舍得老爸~~~
雪花,新周快樂!
美眉好! 周末快樂!
燕子好!你遊泳那麽好,對發水的處理肯定胸有成竹:)
燕子,周末快樂!
fengdaming好! 哈哈, 看來你很知道有些做爸爸的和做兒子的:)
fengdaming, 周末快樂!
哈哈,點點,兒子可有盼頭了~也不知道那個爸爸是怎麽當的~
點點,周末快樂!
小婷好! 那位真是太樂觀了:)
小婷, 周末快樂!
水沫好! 我也喜歡5, 那位想去挖錢的人讓人忍不住笑~~~
水沫, 周末快樂!
erdong好! 周末快樂!
哈哈,小小好! 你就別費心了,我家後院要有錢的話,早就被我挖出來了~~~
小小,周末快樂!
哈哈,問好桐兒,周末快樂!
周末快樂，鬆鬆！
願我們永葆樂觀的心態：））
鬆鬆周末快樂！
讀這些地道簡短的小笑話，不僅被裏麵的妙用逗樂，還能學英語呢。謝謝鬆鬆。
鬆鬆周末快樂！笑口常開。
問好閑閑客,我也是喜歡樂觀的人:)
閑閑客,周末快樂!