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1 我沒看到它 I didn’t see it
Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?
Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.
媽媽: 約翰尼, 我今天早上在櫥子裏放了兩塊點心。現在就剩下一塊了。你能解釋一下嗎?
約翰尼: 哦, 我想是因為裏麵太黑我沒看到另外那塊。
2 幹一口吧！ Have a Shot!
The Irish doctor said to his patient," For the life of me, Paddy, I can't figure out what's wrong with you. It must be drink."
"That's all right, doc. I'll come back when you're sober."
愛爾蘭籍的醫生對病人說：“派迪, 我怎麽也想不出你有什麽不對勁的地方, 一定是酒精在作祟吧。”
“沒關係, 醫生, 那等你清醒了我再回來！”
3 愛護動物 Be Kind to Animals
The owner of the hamburger stand was rather surprised to see a man walk in with three iguanas, but when the man ordered four hamburgers with fries, the owner complied with a shrug. The man and his iguanas enjoyed their dinner and left.
The next day the man returned with two kangaroos and the same scene was repeated.
On the third day the man entered with two orangutans and a chimpanzee, and the owner couldn’t help making a remark. "You certainly seem to be an animal lover," he said.
"That's true," said the man, "and I'd like you to know how much we appreciate your letting us eat here. Some proprietors object."
"That's quite alright," said the shopkeeper.
"As a token of my appreciation, I'd like to give you this lobster." And the animal lover handed over a live, wriggling crustacean.
"Well, that's very kind of you. My wife and I will have it for dinner."
"Oh, he's already had dinner. But I'm sure he'd love to take in a movie."
有個人牽了三隻大蜥蜴走進一家漢堡店, 老板嚇了一跳。接著他點了四份漢堡和薯條, 老板聳聳肩答應了他的要求, 那個老兄和他的蜥蜴享受過晚餐後便離開了。
第二天, 那個人帶了兩隻袋鼠, 又點了相同的東西。
第三天, 他帶了兩隻紅毛猩猩和一隻黑猩猩。老板實在忍不住, 便說：“您實在是個愛護動物的有心人。”
“那倒是真的, ”那位仁兄回答說道。“另外我也要感謝你讓我們進來吃晚餐, 許多店老板都拒絕賣東西給我們。”
“沒有問題啦！”店老板說。
“為了向你表示謝意, 我送你一隻龍蝦。”說著他便給老板一隻活蹦亂跳的大龍蝦。
“您真好, 我太太和我將以它當晚餐。”
“喔, 它已經吃過晚餐了, 但我想它會喜歡看場電影。”
有個人牽了三隻大蜥蜴走進一家漢堡店, 老板嚇了一跳。接著他點了四份漢堡和薯條, 老板聳聳肩答應了他的要求, 那個老兄和他的蜥蜴享受過晚餐後便離開了。
第二天, 那個人帶了兩隻袋鼠, 又點了相同的東西。
第三天, 他帶了兩隻紅毛猩猩和一隻黑猩猩。老板實在忍不住, 便說：“您實在是個愛護動物的有心人。”
“那倒是真的, ”那位仁兄回答說道。“另外我也要感謝你讓我們進來吃晚餐, 許多店老板都拒絕賣東西給我們。”
“沒有問題啦！”店老板說。
“為了向你表示謝意, 我送你一隻龍蝦。”說著他便給老板一隻活蹦亂跳的大龍蝦。
“您真好, 我太太和我將以它當晚餐。”
“喔, 它已經吃過晚餐了, 但我想它會喜歡看場電影。”
4 參觀養雞場 Visiting A Chicken Farm
One day, a teacher took his pupils to a chicken farm to pay a visit. When they came near the incubator, a chick just got out of its eggshell.
"It's wonderful to see a little thing come out from the eggshell, isn't it?” the teacher said.
"Yes, sir," said one of the boys,”But it would be more wonderful if we knew that how a chick gets into its eggshell beforehand.”
老師帶學生到養雞場參觀, 當他們走近孵化器時, 剛好一隻小雞破殼而出。
“看見一個小生命從蛋殼裏出來, 很奇妙, 是不是?”老師說。
“是的, 老師, ”一個男學生說, “可是, 如果我們知道它是怎樣事先鑽進蛋殼裏的那就更奇妙了。”
5 我沒有聽 Wasn’t Listening
Mother asked her litter daughter who was reading a book, "What are you reading, dear?”
"I don’t know,”the litter girl answered.
"You don't know? But you were reading aloud, so you must know.”
"I was reading aloud, mummy, but I wasn't listening,” explained the child.
媽媽問正在讀書的女兒:“親愛的, 你讀的是什麽書? ”
女兒回答道:“我不知道。”
“你不知道?你不是在朗讀嗎?你應該知道的。”
女兒解釋說:“我是在朗讀, 可我沒有聽。”
6 約會的話題 Subjects For A Date
A boy is about to go on his first date and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.
The father replies “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl, “Do you like spinach?” She says “No", and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the Iist. He asks, "Do yow have a brother?” Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl the following question, “If you had a brother, would he like spinach?”
一個男孩兒去赴他的第一次約會，他很緊張，不知道談些什麽，就去請教他的父親。
父親回答:“孩子，有三個話題一向百試不爽、萬用萬靈，那就是食物、家人和哲學。”
男孩兒去赴約了，他們進了一家冷飲店，喝著冰激淩蘇打水。兩個人大眼瞪小眼地看著對方，男孩感到越發緊張了。
他想起了父親的建議，選擇了第一個話題。
他問女孩兒:“你喜歡吃菠菜嗎?”女孩兒說不喜歡。兩人又歸於沉默。
煎熬了幾分鍾後，男孩兒想起了父親的建議，轉向第二個話題。他問:“你有兄弟嗎?”女孩兒說“沒有”。又是沉默。
男孩兒使出了殺手鐧。他想起父親的建議，問了女孩下麵這個問題:“如果你有了兄弟，他會喜歡吃菠菜嗎?”
(From Internet)
嗯,可憐的男孩,羞澀的青春:)
問好fengdaming!
圓圓好!剛端了一盤你家的鍋貼回來,好吃啊~
圓圓,新周快樂!
是啊，雪花，想象兩人尷尬的樣子．．．
雪花，新周快樂！
謝謝家ＭＭ欣賞，問好！
哈哈,有趣:)
問好花甲老翁,周末快樂!
豈有此理,是他要我來覆診的,嗬嗬.
燕子好! 是啊,可憐的小男孩,還不會談情說愛呢:)
燕子,周末快樂!
哈哈,紐約美眉小時候這麽可愛,逗S人了~~~
紐約美眉,周末快樂!
哈哈,熱烈歡迎花生MM常來狂笑~~~
MM還是火眼金睛呢,哈哈哈...
花生MM,周末快樂!
哈哈,尼斯,你是最會煽風點火的,還唯恐火勢不大~~~
等我閉門修煉吧,估計最後也饞不成別人,隻把自己饞得七上八下的:)
尼斯,周末快樂!
哎,這已經是第五次發生這樣的事了.
3, paddy can't part with his shot glass.
6, poor kid has so much growing pain.
阿鬆明兒饞俺啥子呀，偶期待饞死俺哈
阿鬆周末愉快！