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周末一笑:停車費

(2014-09-20 04:39:10) 下一個

^{1 Parking Expenses}^停車費

A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.

一個商人走進紐約一家銀行詢問信貸員。他說他準備出差去歐洲兩個星期需要借款5000美金。

The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank.
信貸員說銀行借款需要提供擔保品。商人馬上掏出停在銀行門前的勞斯萊斯汽車的鑰匙。

Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
一切手續辦妥後銀行信貸員接受了汽車做為貸款的抵押。店員把汽車開到銀行地下車庫並停放在那裏。

Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"
兩個星期後商人從歐洲回來，償還了5000元借款以及15.41元的利息。信貸員問：“非常感謝您的光顧，這筆交易做得也很完美，但是我們有一個疑問，你離開後我們查了一下發現您是一個富翁。為什麽您會不怕麻煩來這借5000元呢？”

The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?"
商人回答：“除了您這我還能在紐約市的其他地方隻需付款15元就能停車兩個星期嗎？”

^{2 How did you start the flood? 你是怎麽引起洪水的？}

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met a lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
醫生在裏維埃拉度假時遇到他的一位律師朋友，醫生問他怎麽會到這裏來。

The lawyer replied, " I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything. What are you doing here?"
律師回答：“我到這裏是因為我的房子被火燒了，保險公司賠償了我所有的損失。”

"That's quite a coincidence," said the doctor "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
“真巧，”醫生說，“我是因為房子被洪水衝垮了，保險公司也賠償了我所有的損失。”

The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
律師看起來有些困惑，他問“哎呀！你是怎麽引起洪水的？”

^{3 Blonde Detectives 美女偵探}

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives.
一位警官正在詢問三位想成為偵探的金發女郎。

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect,
為了測試她們辨別嫌疑犯的技巧，

he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
他讓其中一位看一張照片，五秒鍾後把照片藏了起來。

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
“這就是你的嫌疑犯，你怎麽樣能把他再認出來？”

The first blonde answers,這位美女回答，

"That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
“這太容易了，他隻有一隻眼睛，我一下就能認出他來！”

The policeman says,
警官說，

"Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."
“喔……嗯……那是因為這隻是他的側麵。”

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response,
警官被這個荒謬的答案搞的有點不知所措，

he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her,
他把照片在第二位小姐麵前一晃，五秒鍾後問道，

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
“這就是你的嫌疑犯，你怎樣才能把他認出來？”

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says,
女郎咯咯地傻笑，撩了撩自己的頭發說，

"Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he has only one ear!"
“哈！他太容易被認出來了，因為他隻有一隻耳朵！”

The policeman angrily responds,
警官惱怒地叫起來，

"What's the matter with you two?
你們兩個是怎麽搞的？

Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile!
他當然隻有一隻眼睛一隻耳朵，因為這是他的側麵像！

Is that the best answer you can come up with?"這就是你們最好的答案嗎？”

Extremely frustrated at this point,he shows the picture to the third blonde
他很泄氣地給第三位女郎看了照片，

and in a very testy voice asks,
很不耐煩地問她

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"，
“這是你的嫌疑犯，你怎麽樣再認出他來？”

He quickly adds "... think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
他迅速又補充了一句，“在給我愚蠢的答案之前你先好好想想。”

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says,
這位美女很專心地看了一會兒，

"Hmmmm... the suspect wears contact lenses."
說，“他戴的是隱形眼鏡。”

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
警官非常吃驚，一句話也說不出來了因為連他自己都不知道那個人是不是戴隱形眼鏡。

"Well, that's an interesting answer...“
嗯，這個答案真有意思。

wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that.
"你稍等，我去查一下他的檔案，馬上回來。”

He leaves the room and goes to his office,
他離開屋子回到辦公室，

checks the suspect's file in his computer,
查了下電腦中的檔案

and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.，
喜氣洋洋地回來了。

"Wow! I can't believe it... it's TRUE!
“哇！我簡直不能相信。是真的！

The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses.
他確實是戴隱形眼鏡的。你做得太棒了！你怎麽會有這麽敏銳的觀察力呢？”

Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
“很簡單啊，”女郎回答說，

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
“他不可能帶普通眼鏡的嘛，因為他隻有一隻眼睛和一隻耳朵。”

^{4 Taking attendance點名}

On my first day of classes at my University I took a front-row seat in my literature course.
大學的第一天，文學課我坐在了前排。

The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began,
教授告訴我們這學期必須得讀五本書，他提供我們可供選擇的作者名單。隨後他緩步走上講台，拿出課本，

"Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."
“貝克、布萊克、布魯斯、卡特、庫克…”為了寫下所有的名字，我不得不瘋狂的作著記錄。這時有人輕輕的拍我肩膀，坐在我後麵的學生悄悄告訴我：“他在點名呢。”

^{5 Bargain 討價還價}

My son, a used-car dealer,
我兒子是個二手汽車商。

showed his customer a 2005 Chevy in great condition.
一次，他給一位顧客展示一輛車況還很不錯的2005年雪弗萊。

"And it's only $7, 000," he told the man.
“這輛車隻要7000美元”，他跟顧客說。

"I'm willing to give you $3, 500," said the customer.
“我隻想給3500美元”，顧客說。

My son feigned disappointment.
我兒子裝著很失望地回答說

"If at all possible," he responded, "I'd like to sell you the whole car."
“如果真的有可能，我原意整輛賣給你”。

^{6 Prepare Yourself. 自己做好準備}

^{A story around campus has it that a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading:"Mo-flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."}

^{校園裏流傳著這樣的故事:一個學生一次給父母拍了一份電報，上麵寫著:“媽媽—我所有功課都不及格，被學校開除了。讓爸爸做好準備。”}

^{Two days later he received a response:"Pop prepared. Prepare yourself.”}

^{兩天以後，他收到了回電:“爸爸已準備好。你自己做好準備吧!”

(from Internet)}

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