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周末一笑：五百遍（轉貼）

(2014-05-10 05:38:25) 下一個

1．Five Hundred Times五百遍

In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light.

在中西部一個大城市的交通法庭裏，一位年輕女士被帶到法官麵前，她由於開車闖紅燈被開了罰單。

She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye.

女士向法官解釋，她是一名學校老師，請求法官馬上處理她的案子，以便可以趕回去上課。

"You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."

法官眼中閃過一絲狡黠，說道：“你是學校的老師，對嗎？女士，我馬上要實現我畢生的願望了。在那張桌子旁坐下，寫‘我開車闖了紅燈’500遍。”

2．Your Horse Called馬打電話來了

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

一個家夥正在看報紙，他的妻子走到他身後，用一隻煎鍋敲他的後腦勺。

He asks, "What was that for?"

他問道：“這是為什麽？”

She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."

她說：“我在你口袋裏發現了一張寫有‘Betty Sue’的紙條。”

He says, "Jeez, honey, 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on." She shrugs and walks away.

他說：“哎呀，親愛的，‘Betty Sue’是我賭的那匹馬的名字。”

Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

她聳了聳肩，走了。三天後他正在看報紙，妻子走到他身後，又用一隻煎鍋敲他的後腦勺。

He asks, "What was that for?"

他問：“這又是為什麽？”

She answers, "Your horse called."

她答道：“你的馬打電話來了。”

3．Midway tactics中間戰術

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.

三個互相搶生意的商店老板在一個購物中心裏租用了毗鄰的店鋪。

Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

旁觀者等著瞧好戲。

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale" and "Super Bargains"

右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價！”“特便宜！”

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed" and ¨Fantastic Discounts" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE"

左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大削價！”“超折扣！”中間的商人隨後準備了一個大招牌，上麵隻簡單地寫著：“入口處”。

4．The Best Answer 最佳答案

A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"

一份報紙組織了一場競賽，為下麵的問題征集最佳答案：“如果盧浮宮起了火，而你隻能救出一幅畫，你將拿出哪一幅？”

The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

獲獎的答案是：“最接近出口的那一幅。”

5．Life after Death死後重生

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

“你相信人能死後重生嗎？”老板問他的一個員工。

"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on.

“我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的員工回答。“哦，那還好”。老板接著說。

"After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

“你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮後，她老人家到這兒看你來了。”

6．I am acting like a lady我要表現得象位女士

One day when women’s dresses were on sale at the Fareast Department Store， a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece.

一天，遠東百貨公司的女裝大減價，一位看起來很高貴的中年男子想給太太買一件。

But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as long as he could; then， with head lowered and arms flailing， he plowed through the crowed.

但是不久他就發現自己被瘋狂的女人們擠得不成樣子了。他盡力忍耐著。後來，他低下頭，猛烈地舞動著手臂擠過人群。

"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can’t you act like a gentleman?" "Listen，" he said， "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour.

“你幹嘛？”有人在尖叫，“你難道不能表現得象位紳士嗎？”“聽著，”他說，“我已經象紳士一樣表現了一個小時。

From now on， I am acting like a lady."

從現在起，我要表現得象位女士。”

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