南山鬆

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周末一笑：新員工（轉載）

(2014-05-31 05:54:16) 下一個

1 A new employee 新員工

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.

一個年輕人在被雇用幾個星期後，被叫到人事經理的辦公室。

"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held."

“這是什麽意思？”經理問，“當你申請這份工作時，你告訴我們有五年工作經驗，現在我們發現這其實是你的第一份工作。”

"Well, "the young man said, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination. "

“嗯，”年輕人回答，“你們的廣告上說需要找一個有想象力的人嘛。

2 Why didn't you go with him? 你為什麽不跟他一起去呢？

When l was in the grocery store I heard my friend moan, "Oh, did I just make a faux pas!" I stopped thumping melons and gave her my full attention.

在雜貨店裏我聽見我的朋友呻吟著說：“噢，我剛才不是冒犯人家了嗎？”我停止拍打甜瓜，全神貫注地聽她講。

"I ran into Mrs. Jones," she wailed. "I didn't know that her husband died last week, and I asked her how he was feeling. She said, ‘He’s gone.’ I assumed he went someplace for his health，and I said......"

“我碰見了瓊斯太太，”她哀道著。“我不知道她丈夫上周去逝了，我問她他身體怎麽樣。她說：‘他去了。’我以為他因為健康原因去了什麽地方，我說......"

The words seemed to stick in her throat.

話似乎噎在了她的喉嚨口。

"What did you say? ¨l prodded her. "Good riddance?"

“你說什麽了？”我催促她，“死了倒幹淨？”

"Worse than that. I said, 'Why didn't you go with him?"

“比那還糟呢.我是說‘你為什麽不陪他一起去呢？"

3 The new baby新生兒

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor had a seven-year-old boy named Pat. Now Mrs. Taylor was expecting another child.

泰勒夫婦有一個七歲的男孩，名叫帕特。現在泰勒太太正懷著第二胎。

Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much, so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.

帕特在別人家看見過嬰兒，他不太喜歡他們，所以他對自己家裏也將有一個嬰兒的消息感到不滿。

One evening Mr. and Mrs. Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival. "This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes,” said Mr. Taylor.

一天晚上，泰勒夫婦正在為這個嬰兒的降生計劃做安排。泰勒先生說：“有了嬰兒，我們的房子就太小，不夠住了。”

Pat came into the room just then and said, "What are you talking about? 一"We were saying that we‘"have to move to another house now ,because the new baby's coming," his mother answered.

帕特恰好在這個時候走進屋，他問：“你們在說什麽？”他的母親回答說：“我們在說我們得搬家，因為嬰兒就要誕生了。”

“It’s no use," said Pat hopelessly, "He'll follow us there."

“搬了房子也不夠用，帕特絕望地說，他也會跟我們到那兒去的。"

4 Have you ceased beating your wife? 你停止打你妻子了嗎？

This story is told of browbeating counsel, who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.

這個故事講的是一個咄咄逼人的辯護律師，他慣於設法恐嚇對方的證人。

One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.

有一個證人習慣於在回答間題之前先做番冗長的解釋。

“I want 'yes' or ‘no,’” thundered counsel. "There is no need for you to argue the point!"

“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，一辯護律師怒喝道：¨你沒有必要就這個問題進行辯論。

“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by ' yes' or no,’" mildly responded the witness.

“可是有些問題無法用‘是’或者‘不是’來回答。”這位證人溫和地回敬他。

"There are not!" snapped the lawyer.

“不存在這樣的問題”律師愚蠢地厲聲說。

"Oh," said the witness, "answer this then: "Have you ceased beating your wife?"

"噢，”證人說：“那麽回答這個問題：你停止打你妻子了嗎？”

5 An advertisement for modem bicycle摩登自行車廣告

Tom saw an advertisement in a newspaper for a beautiful modern bicycle which cost￡50, so he went to the shop to have a look.

湯姆在報紙上看到一輛很漂亮的摩登自行車的廣告，標價50英鎊，於是他到商店去看一看。

After examining the bicycle carefully, Tom turned to the shopkeeper and said, "There isn't a lamp on this bicycle, but there was one on the bicycle in your advertisement.” "Yes, sir, "answered the shopkeeper, "but the lamp isn't included in the price of the bicycle. It’s an extra.""Not included in the price of bicycle?" Tom said angrily, "But' that's not honest. lf the lamp's in the advertisement, it should have been included in the price you gave there.

湯姆很仔細地看完那輛自行車後，轉過身對店主說：“這輛自行車少了一盞燈，但在廣告上的自行車是有的”是的，先生，”店主回答說，“但那盞燈不包括在自行車的價格裏麵，是另外收費的。”“不包括在自行車價格裏麵？”湯姆很生氣．“但這是不誠實的。如果燈在廣告上，它就應該包括在你所標出的價格之內。”

"Well, sir, "answered the shopkeeper calmly, "there is also a girl on the bicycle in our advertisement, shall we supply one for you too?"

“嗯，先生，”店主冷靜地回答：“在我們的自行車廣告上還有一個女孩，難道我們也要為您提供一個嗎？”

6 The top nine most popular reasons for not doing homework:

九個不做作業最流行的借口：

1. My computer crashed and l lost it.

1．電腦死機了，我做的作業（因沒有保存）丟失了。

2. I finished my homework but then I deleted it by accident.

2．雖然我已經完成了作業，但後來不小心把它刪除了。

3. I could not print it out.

3．打印機壞了．作業打不出來。

4. My internet was down so I could not do any research.