溫哥華失眠夜
嬉笑怒罵皆成文章
正文
I am unemployed, because I consider myself overqualified to be an employee, yet underqualified to be a boss. So there was an absolute majority votes with only one objection(me) in the family to pass a motion that I be appointed to the positon of an Househusband. With considerable degree of reluctance I nevertheless had to assume this unpleasant task, lamenting secretly that my happy days are over.
The first pleasure I had to sacrifice is the comfortable stay in bed. At 7 a.m. sharp three alarm clocks set off the siren simultaneously from different directions, all out of the reach of my arms. I buried myself in the mountain of pillows yet my ears were still pierced by the relentless ringing of the clocks. I had no choice but to crawl out of the bed and tumble into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
When I opened the refrigerator door I was greeted by a fully-stuffed interior: all sizes of boxes, bottles and plastic bags were piled at random order, making it an impossible task to tell one item from the other. By the time I dug out the necessary raw materials for breakfast I was already half frozen as a result of long time exposure to the chilly temperature.
After the breakfast the sink was already filled with greasy dishes. Dishwashing turned out not as easy as you asuume. I poured half a bottle of the dish cleaner as a safe measure, and in a couple of seconds the sink was drowned in a mushrooming foams. Desperate I turned on the tap water so hard it could not be shut off, and soon the kitchen floor was flooded.The situation was finally under control with a ducktape. But I was afraid even the most capable plumber would not be able to take the faucet off for repair next time.
Shopping for a man is as enjoyable as car-reparing for a woman. To improve my efficiency, I took a pad and noted down all items to be purchased. Then I drove 20 km. out of town to a supermarket which claimed to have the lowest prices, but I forgot to check the price of the gasoline, which had skyrocketed lately. When I was ready to shop I reached for my pocket to get the shopping list, only to find it was left on the desk at home1!!! I was left no choice but to resort to my good but short memory to complete the procurement procedure.
Then came the laundry time. There were three full baskets of dirty laundry to be done. I tucked them all into the huge washer, poured a full long size cup of washing powder in and closed the door. There were several knobs, and I turned each of them in all directions, but all I could hear was the sound of silence! In a rage I banged, twisted, pulled and kicked, and miraculously it started to run!!!!
After the dryer had baked all the washed items I took them out, and I turned hysterical!! The clothes dyed their colors on each others and the white ones look pinkish, the pink ones look blue. Furthermore, some XL size clothes shrank to S size as they were not supposed to be baked dry!
Dinner preparation was the main event of the day, so I devoted myself piously to it. The rice cooker was turned on, meat defrosted and sliced, vegetables washed clean and chopped, frying pan sat on the stove. All in all it took me over an hour to present the family with three fried dishes and one soup. The family, however, was unnecessarily picky by complaining that the rice was not well done due to insufficient water, the soup tasted like sea water and the dishes were all so greasy they tasted like lubricants.
See? That was what you got for your whole day of hard work! but never mind! I have decided to resort to fast food options from tomorrow on: McDonald for breakfast, KFC for lunch, and Pizza Hut for dinner, 365 days a year.
Gentlemen, here is my advice: Any worse job is better than a househusband, so never complain about your nasty bosses anymore!
The first pleasure I had to sacrifice is the comfortable stay in bed. At 7 a.m. sharp three alarm clocks set off the siren simultaneously from different directions, all out of the reach of my arms. I buried myself in the mountain of pillows yet my ears were still pierced by the relentless ringing of the clocks. I had no choice but to crawl out of the bed and tumble into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
When I opened the refrigerator door I was greeted by a fully-stuffed interior: all sizes of boxes, bottles and plastic bags were piled at random order, making it an impossible task to tell one item from the other. By the time I dug out the necessary raw materials for breakfast I was already half frozen as a result of long time exposure to the chilly temperature.
After the breakfast the sink was already filled with greasy dishes. Dishwashing turned out not as easy as you asuume. I poured half a bottle of the dish cleaner as a safe measure, and in a couple of seconds the sink was drowned in a mushrooming foams. Desperate I turned on the tap water so hard it could not be shut off, and soon the kitchen floor was flooded.The situation was finally under control with a ducktape. But I was afraid even the most capable plumber would not be able to take the faucet off for repair next time.
Shopping for a man is as enjoyable as car-reparing for a woman. To improve my efficiency, I took a pad and noted down all items to be purchased. Then I drove 20 km. out of town to a supermarket which claimed to have the lowest prices, but I forgot to check the price of the gasoline, which had skyrocketed lately. When I was ready to shop I reached for my pocket to get the shopping list, only to find it was left on the desk at home1!!! I was left no choice but to resort to my good but short memory to complete the procurement procedure.
Then came the laundry time. There were three full baskets of dirty laundry to be done. I tucked them all into the huge washer, poured a full long size cup of washing powder in and closed the door. There were several knobs, and I turned each of them in all directions, but all I could hear was the sound of silence! In a rage I banged, twisted, pulled and kicked, and miraculously it started to run!!!!
After the dryer had baked all the washed items I took them out, and I turned hysterical!! The clothes dyed their colors on each others and the white ones look pinkish, the pink ones look blue. Furthermore, some XL size clothes shrank to S size as they were not supposed to be baked dry!
Dinner preparation was the main event of the day, so I devoted myself piously to it. The rice cooker was turned on, meat defrosted and sliced, vegetables washed clean and chopped, frying pan sat on the stove. All in all it took me over an hour to present the family with three fried dishes and one soup. The family, however, was unnecessarily picky by complaining that the rice was not well done due to insufficient water, the soup tasted like sea water and the dishes were all so greasy they tasted like lubricants.
See? That was what you got for your whole day of hard work! but never mind! I have decided to resort to fast food options from tomorrow on: McDonald for breakfast, KFC for lunch, and Pizza Hut for dinner, 365 days a year.
Gentlemen, here is my advice: Any worse job is better than a househusband, so never complain about your nasty bosses anymore!
Laugh me to dead almost~~~~~
I was in my lunch and rice flied out from my mouth...Lucky no one around me...^___________^