周末一笑: Night inspection(ZT)

1 夜察/Night inspection

My main responsibility as a security inspector is checking on guards. One morning around three o'clock I made a surprise visit to a facility and found the guard sitting at a table with his arms folded in front of him as a pillow for his head. I cleared my throat, dropped my clipboard and rattled the trash can, expecting him to wake up, startled and bleary eyed. No response. A few seconds later, he very calmly raised his head, looked heaven-ward and said, "Amen."

作為安全檢查員我的主要責任是檢查那些警衛。一個早晨在淩晨三點左右我突然造訪一個部門，發現警衛坐在桌旁頭枕著胳膊趴在桌上。我清了清嗓子，把我的記錄夾扔在了地上，弄響了垃極桶，想讓他受驚並睡眼惺忪地醒來。他沒反應。幾秒鍾後，他非常鎮靜地抬起頭，望著天說:“阿門。”

2 至少要買這些/The least to buy

My husband is generally not a very romantic person, so I was rather pleased when on our 23rd wedding anniversary he surprised me with 17 roses. Curious about the odd amount, I asked him if there was a special significance to buying 17 roses rather than the normal one or two dozen.

" No," he answered. “that was the minimum amount that could be charged."

我丈夫通常不是一個非常浪漫的人。所以，在結婚23周年紀念日那天他送我17支玫瑰給我驚喜時我特別高興。好奇這奇怪的數量，我問他買17支玫瑰而不是通常的一打或兩打是否有什麽特別的意義。

 “沒什麽特別的意義。”他答道:“再少人家就不賣了。”

3 傑米健美多了/Jamie looks great

Immediately after my husband’s company built a weight-lifting facility for its employees, he and a colleague of his, Jamie, joined the program. Although Jamie dropped out of the program, my husband continued faithfully. Several months later, a co-worker came up to him and expressed interest in weight training. My husband was flattered that someone had noticed the results of his dedicated effort, until the man exclaimed, "Yes, I just saw Jamie and he looks great.”

在我丈夫的公司為雇員建了舉重場地後，我丈夫立刻和他的一位同事-傑米參加了鍛煉。盡管後來傑米退出了鍛煉，可我丈夫始終不渝地堅特鍛煉。幾個月後，一位同事走到我丈夫跟前表示他對舉重鍛煉感興趣。我丈夫為有人注意到他專注努力的結果而感到美滋滋的，直到那位先生感歎: “嘿，我剛才見到傑米了，他看上去好棒喲！”

4 尷尬/Embarrassment

My parents' tour leader asked everyone to put their large suitcases outside their hotel rooms at bed time so the bus could be loaded for an early departure the next morning. Mom laid out their travelling clothes, repacked their things, took out her hearing aid and went to bed. Dad stepped into the hall to line up their luggage and the door clicked shut behind him, leaving him there in only his underwear.

"It sure was embarrassing,” he told us later. “Your mother couldn't hear me, so I had to go downstairs and across the street to the office to get another key.”

"But, Grandpa.” our son piped up. “What about the clothes in the suitcase you put in the hall?"

我父母的旅遊團領隊告訴每個人在晚上睡覺前把他們的大箱子放在飯店的房間外，這樣，汽車可以為次日早晨的早出發裝載。媽媽鋪開了旅行時穿的衣服，重新打了包，取下了助聽器睡覺去了。爸爸去走廊把他們的行李擺好時，門哢嚓一下在他身後撞上了。他隻穿著內褲，束手無策。

“的確很尷尬，”他事後告訴我們:“你媽媽聽不見我，所以我不得不下樓穿過街到辦公室去要另一把鑰匙。”

“但是，爺爺，”我們的兒子尖聲說道:“那你為什麽不穿放在走廊的箱子裏的衣服呢?”

5 誰人不聰明/Smart or not

A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He requested my assistance in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work, with me just doing corrections and inputting data. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training.

When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. “I’m so glad you’re teaching instead of him.” Surprised, I replied that my colleague was far more experienced than I was.  “Yes,” she said, “but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get real nervous around smart people."

給一家谘詢集團工作的一位同行的計算機程序員為我們最大的客戶之一設計了一些軟件。他要求我的協助把軟件投入運行。開始時，他幹著絕大部分的工作，我隻是幹些更正和數據輸入的事。最終，他讓我幫助做最後階段的培訓工作。

當我和一位女士坐下來，我告她我來向她演示怎樣修改文件時，她鬆了一口氣說:“我真高興是你來教我，而不是他。”驚訝地我回答說我的同事比我的經驗豐富得多。“是的，”她說，“但我感覺跟你在一塊兒舒服多了。在聰明人身邊我真是緊張。”

6 點到痛處/Real criticism

As a young lawyer working on my first big case, I was sitting in a federal district court watching a prominent attorney question a witness. The attorney was trying, unsuccessfully, to elicit certain information. Finally, the judge turned to the witness and asked a question that prompted the appropriate response.

"Thank you, Your Honor." the attorney said. "How is it that you were able to get the crux of the matter with one question after I had tried three times?"

"Easy," replied the judge. "I'm not paid by the hour.”

作為一個年輕的律師，當我經手我的第一個大案時，我坐在聯邦地區法院觀看一位著名的律師提問證人。這個位律師試圖引出某些信息但不成功。最後法官轉向證人問了一個問題，就從證人那兒得到了滿意的回答。

“謝謝，尊敬的閣下。”律師說:“在我試了三次之後您怎麽能隻一個問題就抓住了事情的關鍵?”

“容易，”法官說:“我不是按小時拿錢。”