周末一笑：A Woman Who Fell

1 A Woman Who Fell摔倒的女人
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

2 I Want to Get Out我要出去

A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang." What time do you open up in the morning?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.

The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. "Listen," the owner shouted , "there's no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn't let a person in your condition in-"

"I don't want to get in," the caller interjected. "I want to get out."

3 I've Just Bitten My Tongue我剛咬破自己的舌頭

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

4 Job Technique工作技巧

Vacationing on the island of Oahu, we were waiting in our tour bus for some stragglers to show up. A man, obviously not with our group, approached the bus and was about to board. How would our driver handle the situation, we wondered. Straight-faced, he leaned toward the door and asked, "Going to the nudist Colony, sir?"

"Oh, no," replied the would-be passenger, retreating quickly.

"Works every time," the driver said with a wink.

5 My wife Thinks So我老婆這樣認為

Reading water meters in an unfamiliar part of town, I came upon a house with no number. Then I noticed an elderly man gardening at the first house on that block.

"Excuse me," I said to him. "Are you Number One?"

He smiled and replied, "My wife thinks so!"

6 I'm a Police Officer我是警察

When my husband, Jack, was a police officer, he once approached a home guarded by two ferocious dogs. They lunged at the screen door with such force that it opened, and they tore out into the yard.

Thinking quickly, Jack, stepped into the house, closing the door tightly behind him. " It's all right, ma'am," he reassured the homeowner " I'm a police officer."

"Not a very brave one," 'she observed.

  (from Internet)