周末一笑： A new employee

 

1 A new employee 新員工 
 

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.
 

"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held."
 

"Well, "the young man said, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination. "
 

2 Why didn't you go with him? 你為什麽不跟他一起去呢？ 
 

When l was in the grocery store I heard my friend moan, "Oh, did I just make a faux pas!" I stopped thumping melons and gave her my full attention.
 

"I ran into Mrs. Jones," she wailed. "I didn't know that her hu*****and died last week, and I asked her how he was feeling. She said, ‘He’s gone.’ I assumed he went someplace for his health，and I said.."
 

The words seemed to stick in her throat.
 

"What did you say? ¨l prodded her. "Good riddance?"
 

"Worse than that. I said, 'Why didn't you go with him?'"
 

3 The new baby新生兒

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor had a seven-year-old boy named Pat. Now Mrs. Taylor was expecting another child.
 

Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much, so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
 

One evening Mr. and Mrs. Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival. "This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes,” said Mr. Taylor.
 

Pat came into the room just then and said, "What are you talking about? 一"We were saying that we‘"have to move to another house now ,because the new baby's coming," his mother answered.
 

“It’s no use," said Pat hopelessly, "He'll follow us there."
 

4 Have you ceased beating your wife? 你停止打你妻子了嗎？ 
 

This story is told of browbeating counsel, who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.
 

One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.
 

“I want 'yes' or ‘no,’” thundered counsel. "There is no need for you to argue the point!"
 

“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by ' yes' or no,’" mildly responded the witness.
 

"There are not!" snapped the lawyer.
 

"Oh," said the witness, "answer this then: "Have you ceased beating your wife?"
 

5 An advertisement for modem bicycle摩登自行車廣告 
 

Tom saw an advertisement in a newspaper for a beautiful modern bicycle which cost￡50, so he went to the shop to have a look.
 

After examining the bicycle carefully, Tom turned to the shopkeeper and said, "There isn't a lamp on this bicycle, but there was one on the bicycle in your advertisement.” "Yes, sir, "answered the shopkeeper, "but the lamp isn't included in the price of the bicycle. It’s an extra.""Not included in the price of bicycle?" Tom said angrily, "But' that's not honest. lf the lamp's in the advertisement, it should have been included in the price you gave there.

 
"Well, sir, "answered the shopkeeper calmly, "there is also a girl on the bicycle in our advertisement, shall we supply one for you too?"  

6 The top nine most popular reasons for not doing homework: 

九個不做作業最流行的借口： 
 

1. My computer crashed and l lost it.
 

2. I finished my homework but then I deleted it by accident.
 

3. I could not print it out.
 

4. My internet was down so I could not do any research.
 

5．I lost my laptop.
 

6. My dad's computer was hacked by the Russians and they stole my homework．
 

7. A burglar stole my printed-out homework along with the computer．
 

8. The PC exploded when our dog went to the toilet on it.
 

9. I accidentally tipped a bottle of cider over the computer and broke．

（from internet)