College Essay係列（五十一）：2024 哈佛成功文書（6）

這個係列的前五篇鏈接如下：

College Essay係列（四十六）：2024 哈佛成功文書（1）

College Essay係列（四十七）：2024 哈佛成功文書（2）

College Essay係列（四十八）：2024 哈佛成功文書（3）

College Essay係列（四十九）：2024 哈佛成功文書（4）

College Essay係列（五十）：2024 哈佛成功文書（5）

 

今天讀第六篇，Francisco 的《Family Meeting at MITES》

Three days before I got on a plane to go across the country for six weeks I quit milk cold-turkey. I had gone to the chiropractor to get a general check up. I knew I had scoliosis and other problems; however, I learned that because of my excessive, to say the least, intake of milk my body had developed a hormone imbalance. I decided it would be best for my health to completely stop drinking milk and avoid dairy when possible. Little did I know, this was only the start of a summer of change; three days later I got on a plane to attend the Minority Introduction To Engineering and Science (MITES) program in Massachusetts.

I was afraid; afraid my support wouldn't be good enough, afraid to show that I cared, afraid they didn't care for me.

I assumed that most of the people were going to be unhealthily competitive because of my past experiences. I thought I would keep to myself, do my work, and come back no different. Living in a building with 80 people I’ve never met in a place I’ve never been while making a significant life style change was not easy. The first few days were not kind: I got mild stomach ulcers, it was awkward, and I felt out of place. That first Thursday night however, all of that started to change. On Thursday evenings we had “Family Meetings” and on this particular Thursday part of our Machine Learning class was working together when the time came to go to the dining hall for whatever this “Family Meeting” was. Honestly we dreaded it at first, “I have work to do” was the most common phrase. We learned that “Family Meeting” was a safe space for us to talk about anything and everything. Today’s theme was, “what’s something important about your identity that makes you unique?” but the conversation quickly evolved into so much more. People spoke about losing family members, being shunned at home, not feeling comfortable in their own skin, and more. So many people opened up about incredibly personal things, I felt honored to be given that trust. The room was somber and warm with empathy as the meeting concluded. Out of my peripheral vision I saw Izzy, one of my Machine Learning classmates, rushing back to the conference room. I realized something was not right. Instinctively, I followed her back to where we were working. Izzy sat down and immediately broke down, the rest of us filed in as she started to talk about what was wrong. It felt as though an ambulance was sitting on my chest, my breaths were short and stingy. I was afraid; afraid my support wouldn’t be good enough, afraid to show that I cared, afraid they didn’t care for me. In this one moment all my insecurities, some I didn’t even know I had, came to the surface. The heavy silence of hushed sobbing was broken by an outpouring of support and a hug. We all started sharing what we’re going through and even some of our past trauma. Slowly that weight is lifted off my chest. I feel comfortable, I feel wanted, I feel safe.

This is the first time I truly felt confident, empowered, and loved. I am surrounded by people smarter than me and I don’t feel any lesser because of it. I have become the true Francisco, or Cisco as they call me. I now, at all times, am unapologetically myself. The difference is night and day. As the program progressed I only felt more comfortable and safe, enough so to even go up and speak at a family meeting. These people, this family, treated me right. I gained priceless confidence, social skills, self-worth, empathetic ability, and mental fortitude to take with me and grow on for the rest of my life. Through all of this somehow cutting out the biggest part of my diet became the least impactful part of my summer.

這是一篇出於URM環境、科研經驗少、缺乏自信少年的MITES經曆。MITES項目的一個重要活動設置是星期四的Family Meetings，是一個非科研性的社交項目。通過在這裏傾聽別人，幫助別人、作者自己也找到了歸屬和自信。

這篇Hook文書，從文字的角度上看，也具有一個值得學習的地方，那就是它的開篇。從瑣碎的旅行準備開始談起，讓人開始感興趣於作者的背景。什麽人會對一個6周的旅行這麽緊張，要把身體檢查一遍，還要停止喝牛奶呢？原來，是一個即將參加MITES的男孩。看到MITES，你自然想到作者在其背景下的優秀，這就是Hook。

看不出這種寫法的同學可能在多數。這是一種輕意識流的手筆，是英文敘事寫作中常見的筆法。我在文書課裏會講到這個筆法，把看似瑣碎、不值一提的事物，用盡量細節的手筆來描繪出來，這實際上是西方油畫追求的做法。相對立的，是中國國畫裏的大量想象式的筆法，盡管那也是細節豐富的。中文敘事文裏，很多人也習慣充滿想象式的筆法，而不善於使用真實事物的細節來傳遞敘事的畫麵感。

本文的結構屬於簡單的五段式結構。但他用到了一個強對比性的情節來推升主題。故事到臨近末尾，作者是通過幫助Izzy來發現久違的自信的。大多數人比如Izzy，他們的故事則都會是通過受到幫助而找到家的安全感。相對於大多數，本文的選材是一種更高明、更有感染力的做法。這也是我在文書課裏講到的一點。

讀到這裏，我覺得自己是在講一堂文書課。Harvard Crimson也給我們提供了豐富的對比閱讀素材。這一篇，我必須給出的評分是A，因為這真不是一個簡單的URM男孩，他確有優秀之處。