11歲的小兒和他的小狗
寶弟的又一“力作”
11歲的寶弟上次那篇寫自己真情實感,流暢簡潔的得“A” 作文讓老媽我高興了好幾下,今天他又拿回來一篇不僅也是“ A ”,而且讓老媽我非常驚訝的“小說作品”(半成品)。
寶弟的老師給全班一個當年歐洲人登陸美國(其中一批西班牙人帶來了一種病毒),他們初遇印第安人的大背景 。。。老師要大家寫一篇以歐洲人或印第安人的眼光看對方,類似於日記的作文。 就是這麽一個簡單的“日記”,小兒發揮他的想象力,行雲流水般地寫下二篇生動,很有時代感(寶弟用了那個年代的英語及表達法)和畫麵感的文字,簡直可以叫人以為是一個小說裏的二個片段,老師看了也拍案叫好,寫了一通好評。
下麵是寶弟的“日記”作文:
Juliano Ferdinand (西班牙登陸者) ( Alas = At last Morrow= Tomorrow ...)
Alas! After six hard months of sailing and two unsuccessful mutinies, we have reached the
At arrival, a group of very dark skinned people stand before us. They wear beads and necklaces, and only loincloths as clothes. And are those gold rings upon their hands? I believe they are! Oh what envy those pesky Englishmen will feel when they see us come back to
Who seems to be the leader of the group steps forward and says a bunch of jibber jabbr that sounds like cocheta [stranger] and achak [spirit]. He holds out a necklace carving made of real solid gold of a figure shaped like a bear. I gladly accept it. He keeps speaking, but soon realizing that I don’t understand him, he motions for me to hang the necklace around my neck. I decide to humor him and I do what he requests.
We start trading. I give them hats and beads and they give us corn and squash. A small boy comes up to me and pokes me as if he doesn’t think I’m real! He won’t think that when he feels the real sting of a whip on his back! He calls me a chilaili [snowbird] and runs away yelling “Chilaili! Chilaili!”
After trading, we sit around the fire eating the best meal we’ve eaten in six months. Aemiliano suggests that when we enslave them on the morrow, we steal their food supplies as well. I laugh a hearty laugh and tell him I would consider it. While we eat, I notice a few of the women and children coughing and sneezing. Even one or two of the strong working men are looking a little sick. I wonder if there is a fever catching on and I decide to go to bed to prevent infection. I don’t want to be sick on the first day to the
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Honiahaka [little wolf] (印第安小孩)
I’m playing with my friend Mojag [never silent] when mother tells me to come greet the newcomers. I wonder what newcomers she is talking about, but I follow her anyway.
When I see them, they look as light as spirits. The cochetas [strangers] smell like the foul big leaved plants our strong working men chew. They wear furs on their bodies so you can only see their hands and faces. I wonder if that’s how they got so pale. Our chief tells the spirits that if god sent them here to judge us, we will give them anything they want. The spirits don’t seem to understand. Their chief is staring at the rings on our fingers and smiling his white teeth. I think he looks like the snowbirds that appear in winter time. Our chief gives the snowbird a necklace of a machk [bear] as a peace offering. The snowbird’s eyes light up and he hastily takes it as if he's afraid our chief will change his mind. After our chief finally figures out that the spirits can't understand us, he motions for the snowbird to hang the necklace around his neck and the snowbird does so a little reluctantly.
When we start trading, I wonder if the snowbird is real since he looks as white as a ghost. I run up to him and I touch his skin. I guess that means he’s real. The snowbird scowls at me as if thinking of ways to hurt me so I run away yelling “Snowbird! Snowbird!”. Mother looks at me with that face that says “BE QUIET!” ,so I stop yelling
Around the campfire, I notice that the spirits are eating our food like if they stop, they will die. That makes me laugh. A very thin spirit with a distrustful face walks over to the snowbird and whispers something into snowbird's ear. The snowbird laughs such a loud laugh, all the villagers look up. I notice mother heading toward our longhouse and I follow her. I ask her why she left dinner so early. She tells me she isn’t feeling well and she needs rest. I lie down next to her and before I know it, I’m asleep.
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老師評語:
Daodi:
Loved your word choice! Words such as”…climb into the rowboats in anticipation…” and “…when we enslave them on the morrow…” capture the authentic feel of the time period. You have a gift for painting vivid pictures with your words, Phrases such as “…What little use they will be against our guns…” and “…He won't think that when he feels the real sting of a whip…” reflect the condescending attitude some of the Europeans had of the American Indians.
The tone for each diary entry was also very different, and you successfully illustrated two different points of view of the same encounter.
Another writing strength is the fluidity of your thoughts. Everything follows a logical flow or pattern. I do not need to pause or question your stories since your ideas naturally come together.
You also surprised me with American Indian diary entry. Even though this boy was able to foresee the distrust of the Europeans, he peacefully goes to sleep with his family by his side. This was completely unexpected and a very clever way to end the diary entry.
Ms H
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老媽:
老媽希望小兒能把這二篇文字引伸開來,寫成小說,或寫成一篇完整的故事。可寶弟堅決反對,堅定說 No 。他說那是課堂作業,他不得不寫,要他課外再去寫,那是絕對不做的事。
老媽很想把他的這篇“日記”放到博客裏秀秀,讓他幫老媽 type 上來,這臭小子居然“敲詐”老媽二包 Hot Cheeto ,才肯‘霹靂巴拉’地快速 type 了他這二篇“日記”。
文: 土筍凍 影: 土筍凍 版權所有( Copyright ),未經許可,請勿轉用及借鑒.
問好!