從這個角度解題,"Live as if your father were dead",也可以說,你不要把“父親/母親”當成“父/母親”這個標簽所指定的完美的樣板,最好把他當成一個30多歲、40多歲的普通青年,很可能比你現在的年齡都小,根本不知道如何處理生命中所麵對的事情的一個無助的人。需要你的幫助和接納,從這個不把“父親”當“父親”的角度說,父親是消解了,不存在了。存在的隻是一個活生生的、有各種優點/缺點的人,一個掙紮著養家糊口,不斷受到生命擠壓,踉蹌前行的人。反之,兒子也一樣,也不是兒子,而是一個幾歲、十幾歲的普通小孩,也是有各種問題的人。
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今天在腦袋裏和父親打架,然後莫名其妙地就看見一個油管頻道,介紹一本書《The Way of Superior Man》,其中兩句話都擊中了我。
1 Stop Hoping for a Completion of Anything in life
A man must love his father and yet be free of his father’s expectations and criticisms in order to be a free man.
Imagine that your father has died, or remember when he did die. Are there any feelings of relief associated with his death? Now that he is dead, is any part of you happy that you need not live up to his expectations or suffer his criticisms?
How would you have lived your life differently if you had never tried to please your father? If you never tried to show your father that you were worthy? If you never felt burdened by your father’s critical eye?
For the next three days, do at least one activity a day that you have avoided or suppressed because of the influence of your father. In this way, practice being free of his subtle expectations, which may now reside within your own self-judgment. Practice being free in this way, once each day for three days, even if you still feel fearful, limited, unworthy, or burdened by your father’s expectations.
Deida, David. The Way of the Superior Man (p. 19). Sounds True. Kindle Edition.