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夫妻之間的衝突很正常,如何有智慧地對待衝突,是解決衝突的關鍵: 衝突中,夫妻爭論需要將注意力:
Focus on (集中在) | Rather than (而不是) | one issue 衝突這件事情 | many issues 許多其它事情 | the problem 問題本身 | the person 人 | behavior 行為 | character 性格 | specifics 具體內容 | generalizations 概括 | facts 事實 | judgment of motives 判斷的動機 | "I" statements “我”的陳述 | "you" statements “你”的陳述 | understanding 理解 | who's winning or losing 誰贏誰輸 |
衝突常以致歉而結束,尋求寬恕的步驟可以分成三部分:
要詳細地說明為什麽道歉。Be specific: "I'm sorry for......" 表明悔改:“我錯了,不想再做。”Repent: "I was wrong and don't want to do that again." 請求原諒:“你可以原諒我嗎?”Ask for forgiveness: "Will you forgive me?"
若一方致歉,另一方則應寬恕,寬恕的同時,也認識到自己的不足:
私下地做:向神祈禱。Do it privately: Go to God in prayer. 公開地,具體地做:與你配偶就事論事談論。Do it publically and specifically: Go to your spouse and be specific. 仁慈地做:將更大的目標放在心裏。Do it graciously: Keep the bigger goal in mind. 大方地做:認識到自己在衝突中也有做錯的地方。Do it generously: Acknowledge your own failings to maintain balance.
“愛的中斷”這堂課主要是讓夫妻了解到:
夫妻婚姻生活中有衝突是很正常的。Conflict is common to all marriages. 我要正確地處理對待婚姻中的衝突。I will seek to handle conflict correctly when it occurs in my marriage. 我要練習尋求寬恕,並真正寬恕我的配偶。I will practice seeking and granting forgiveness with my spouse. |
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