1 羞澀的男人/A Shy Man

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.

But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So, he calls her on the phone, "June."

"Yes, this is June."

"Will you marry me?"

"Of course, I will! Who's this?"

一個男人真愛一個女人，但他隻是太害羞向她提出求婚。 現在他的年齡一點點大了，可是他們兩個人卻還沒有結婚。當然，他們在過去六年每周約會一次，但他是如此膽小，他隻是從來沒有勇氣求婚更不用說生活在一起。

但有一天，他決心問她這個問題。 於是他打電話給她，“六月”。

“是的，這是六月。”

“你願意嫁給我嗎？”

“當然，我願意！這是誰啊？”

2 工作狂

My husband, Brian, is a computer systems administrator. He is dedicated to his job and works long hours, rarely taking time off for meals.

One afternoon, Brian was over-whelmed with solving a computer network problem, so I decided to deliver a meal for him to eat at his workstation.

When I was getting ready to leave, I said good-bye and reminded him to eat his burger and fries while they were still warm.

Staring at his monitor, he waved me away. ″Don't worry, ″ he said, obviously distracted,″ I'll deleted them in a few minutes.″

我的丈夫布賴恩是一個電腦係統管理員。他獻身於工作,經常連續工作很長時間,很少有時間吃飯。

一天下午,布賴恩正在專心致誌地解決一個電腦網絡問題,所以我決定給他送飯,讓他在自己的工作站吃。

當我準備離開的時候,我說了再見,並提醒他趁著漢堡和油炸食物還熱的時候,趕緊把它們吃了。

他盯著他的顯示器,揮手示意我離開。“不用擔心,”他心不在焉地說，“幾分鍾後我就把它們刪除掉。”

3 這次沒有/ Not this time

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby.

He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."

When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

His wife confessed, "Not this time."

一對中年夫婦，有兩個漂亮的女兒，決定為他們總是想要的兒子做最後一次嚐試。

很快，妻子懷孕了，九個月後，生下了一個男嬰。 快樂的父親趕到嬰兒室看他的新兒子，但很震驚，發現一個令人難以置信的醜陋的寶寶。

他到他的妻子那兒說：“我不可能是那個極其醜陋的孩子的父親，看看我生下的兩個漂亮的女兒。”

當他的妻子臉紅時，他變得多疑，並問道，“你一直在欺騙我嗎？”

他的妻子承認，“這次沒有。”

4 三條理由/Three Reasons

Teacher: Stone, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round.

Stone: Ma says so, Pa says so, and you say so!

老師：斯通，說出三條理由來證實地球是圓的。

斯通：媽媽是這麽說的，爸爸是這麽說的，你也是這麽說的!

5 結婚多久了/ How long have you been married?

When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice.

″The first ten years are the hardest, ″ she said.

″How long have you been married? ″ I asked.

″Ten years, ″ she replied.

我辦公室裏的一位女士訂婚了,一個同事給她提了一些建議。

“頭10年是最艱辛的,”她說。

“你結婚多久了?”我問。

“10年。”她回答。

6 經典對白

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

每個成功男人的背後都有一個女人，每個不成功男人的背後都有兩個女人。

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

成功是一個相關名詞,他會給你帶來很多不相關的親戚(聯係).

Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.

愛情就象照片,需要大量的暗房時間來培養.

"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.

“現在的夢想決定著你的將來”,所以還是再睡一會吧。

"Hard work never kills anybody." But why take the risk?

“努力工作不會導致死亡!”不過我不會用自己去證明。

God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.

神決定了誰是你的親戚,幸運的是在選擇朋友方麵他給了你留了餘地。

When two’s company, three’s the result!

兩個人的狀態是不穩定的,三個人才是!