1 雇主和工人/Employer and Workman

Workman: "Mr. Brown, I would like a small rise in my wages. I just got married."   

Employer: "Very sorry, my dear man, but I can't help you. We are not responsible for the accidents that happen outside the factory."  

工人：“布朗先生，我想請您給我加一點工資。我剛剛結了婚。”   

雇主：“非常抱歉，老兄，但是我無能為力。對在廠外發生的事故我們概不負責。”

2 準確的報道/An Accurate Report

An editor stuck up a notice above his desk. It read, "Accuracy!  Accuracy!  Accuracy!" and he always pointed it out to the new reporters.

One day a young reporter came to hand in his report of a public meeting. The editor read it through and noticed the sentence, "Three thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine eyes were fixed upon the speaker."

He demanded angrily, "What do you mean by making a stupid mistake like that?" The reporter protested, "But it's not a mistake. There was a one-eyed man in the audience."

有個主編在他的辦公桌的上方貼了一條標語，寫著“準確”“ 準確”“準確！”而且總是向新來的記者指出它。

有一天，有個年輕的記者交給他一篇關於一個公眾大會的報道。主編認真審閱時注意到有一句話是“三千九百九十九隻眼睛都注視著發言的人。”

他就很生氣的責問到：“犯了這麽愚蠢的錯誤。你怎麽搞的嘛？”記者申辯道：“這可不是錯誤，聽眾中有一個人是瞎了一隻眼睛的。”

3 在20世紀30年代買的椅子/Chairs bought in the 1930s

The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s. Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s. I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one," I told him. "I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s." Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"

我所工作的精品家具商店是從20世紀二十年代以來就營業的。最近我接到一個婦女的電話。她想換一套餐廳組合中的一些椅子。這套餐廳組合她是在三十年代從我們這兒買的。我向她保證說我們可以幫她的忙，於是我向部門經理尋求幫助。“你永遠也不會相信，”我對他說，“我剛接到一個顧客的電話，她在三十年代從我們這裏買了一些椅子。” 我還沒來得及說完她的要求，經理就打斷了我的話：“你別告訴我她到現在還沒收到貨！”

4 自命不凡的學者/A Pretentious Scholar

A pretentious scholar was keen to show off. One day when he was being rowed across a stream, he asked the boatman: "Do you understand philosophy?"

"No, sir, " said the boatman.

"Then, " said the scholar, "one-fourth of your life is gone." After a while he asked again, "Do you know geology?" "Nothing at all," said the boatman.

"Well, that makes one half of your life gone," said the scholar. Just then the boat suddenly tipped over. The boatman asked: "Can you swim?"

The scholar said, gasping for breath: "No." "Then your whole life is gone," said the boatman.

有個自命不凡的學者喜歡賣弄。有一天他乘一隻小船過河去時，問船夫：“你懂哲學嗎？”

船夫說：“不懂哇，先生。”

學者就說：“那你的一生有四分之一算完了。”過了一會兒他又問：“你知道地質學嗎？” 船夫說：“一點也不懂。”

學者就說：“那你的一生的已有一半算完了。” 就在這時，小船忽然翻了，船夫問學者：“你會遊水嗎？”

學者喘著氣說：“不會啊。”船夫說：“那你的一生就全完啦。”

5 沒有必要/It was unnecessary

A man stopped at a place where a fundraiser was being raised for fencing the cemetery. A lot of people had made donations.

The man thought it was unnecessary to do so. He said, "I have two reasons. In the first place, no one in the cemetery can get out; and in the second place, no one out want to get in."

有一個人在一個地方停了下來，看到那裏正在為墓地建造一道柵欄募集捐款。很多人捐了錢。

這個人認為沒有必要這樣做。他說：“我有兩個理由，首先，墓地裏的人沒有一個人能夠出來；其次，外麵的人也沒有一個會想進去。”

6 最想要的簽名/The most wanted autograph

Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."

我們大學的校報開辦了一個每周一問的專欄。最近的問題是：“你最想要什麽人的簽名？為什麽？”和預計的一樣，大部分的回答都是歌星、體育明星或者政治家。但是，最優秀的答案來自一個一年級新生，他說：“簽署我畢業證的那個人。”