1 第一次開出租車

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

乘客輕拍了一下出租車司機的肩膀，想問個問題。司機大叫起來，車也失去了控製，幾乎撞上一輛公車，還上了便道，在還差幾厘米就撞上商店櫥窗時終於停了下來。

司機說，“夥計，別再這麽幹了。你把我嚇破膽了！”乘客抱歉地說，“我沒想到拍你一下就嚇成這樣。” 司機說，“對不起，也不全是你的錯。今天是我第一天開出租。以前25年裏我一直開殯葬車。”

2 慷慨的老公/Generous husband

To prevent myself from being burnt by the hot sun in summer, I talked again and again with my husband that we should buy a car of our own.

In the evening. I tried to persuade my husband and said: "Every day I have to go to work by bike in the hot sun and I am getting blacker and blacker like a coal ball. If getting on a bus, it is always too crowded, so I want to buy a…"

My husband interrupted me quickly and said: "If you want to, just buy it, and it costs a little to buy a sunbonnet, so you dont't need to talk it over with me."

為了躲避夏日的烈日，我不止一次地和老公說過要買一輛私家車的事。

晚上，我又試探性地勸老公說：“我每天騎車上班，我都快被曬成煤球了；坐公共汽車又太擁擠，我還是想買一…”

老公趕快打斷我說：“想買就買吧，一頂太陽帽也費不了多少錢，這事不必同我商量了。”

3 We weren't looking for the same thing

A teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. 

After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150." 

一個少年在車道打球時丟了一隻隱形眼鏡。

經過無果的搜索，他告訴母親找不到了。不氣餒的，母親出去了，幾分鍾以後，拿著隱形眼鏡回來。“媽媽，你是怎麽找到的？”少年問。“我們找的不是同一件東西，”母親回答，“你找的是一小片塑料，而我是在找150塊錢。”

4 隻能再活三天/Three days to live

One day, a professor asked his students: "If you have only three days to live in this world, what will you do?"  

Student A: I want to stay with my girlfriend.  

Student B: I want to go back to see my parents.  

Student C: I will try my best to eat some delicious food. 

Student D: Professor, I want to attend you lecture.  

Hearing this, the professor was so moved. He thought that anyhow there was still a student who wanted to attend his lecture. Just at this moment, he wanted very much to know why the student liked his lecture. So the professor asked: "Can I know the reason?"  

"Because when we are in your class, we feel that one day seems a year." Answered student D.  

某日，一位教授問學生：“假如你們隻剩下三天時間可以活在這個世界上的話，你們將會做些什麽？”  

學生A：我要和我的女朋友待在一起。  

學生B：我要回家看父母。  

學生C：我要使勁吃些好東西。  

學生D: 教授，我想聽你講課。  

聽到這裏教授非常感動。心想，總算有學生願意聽自己的課。此時，他很想知道學生喜歡他講課的原因。於是，教授問道：“我能知道原因嗎？”    

“因為我們聽教授的課有種度日如年的感覺。”學生D回答。

5 他遊不過大西洋

An American visiting Scotland met a shepherd with a beautiful sheep dog. The American offered the owner $50 for the dog, but the shepherd refused. "I couldn't part with Jack," he said.

Just then, a man with an English accent walked up and made the same offer. The shepherd agreed, pocketed money and handed over the dog.

The American was very angry. "You told me you wouldn't sell that dog," he cried.

"No, no" said the shepherd. "I said I couldn't part with him. England is not that far away and Jack will be back in a couple of days. But he couldn't swim the Atlantic".

一個訪問蘇格蘭的美國人碰到一個牧羊人帶著個漂亮的牧羊狗。美國人願出價50美元買這隻狗，可是牧羊人拒絕了。“我不能和傑克分離，”他說。

就在這時，一個英格蘭口音的人走過，出相同的價錢。牧羊人的同意了，他把錢裝起來，把狗遞過去。

美國人很生氣，“你告訴我你不願賣這隻狗的，”他大聲說。

 “不，不”牧羊人說，“我說過我不能與他分離。英格蘭並不太遠，傑克幾天後就會回來。可是，它遊不過大西洋呀”。

6 善意的謊言/A white lie

A middle-aged couple went to the gallery.

The wife who was nearsighted, stood in front of a mirror at the entrance, which she thought that it was a picture, and she saw a woman's image and cried out, "Dear me, how could a woman be so ugly?"

"Don't be so fussy," said the husband. "It's lucky that it is not a mirror and it's a picture."

一對中年夫妻來到畫廊。

妻子是近視眼，她站到了入口處的鏡子麵前，她以為這麵鏡子是一幅畫。她看到了一張女人的肖像，驚呼道：“天呐，天下竟然有這樣醜陋的女人。”

“別大驚小怪，”她的丈夫說，“還好那是一張畫，而不是一麵鏡子。”