1 調位/Change places
The assistant curator of the museum came to the head curator with a couple of problems. “Sir, the mummy is damp and getting moldy, and the white mouse in the maze exhibit has developed dry skin.”
The head curator thought a minute, then advised, "Put your mummy where your mouse is.”
博物館館長助理找到館長反映了幾個問題:“先生，木乃伊現已受潮開始發黴了，但在迷宮中展覽的小白鼠的皮膚變得越來越幹燥。”
館長想了一會兒，說:“把木乃伊放到白鼠那兒去吧。”
2 大製服/Large Uniforms
During our first three days at Lakeland Air Force Base in San Antonio, we were herded from place to place for haircuts, shots and uniforms. Back in our barracks, the drill instructor told us to put on our uniforms and fall out in front of the building. Some of the uniforms, however, were extremely large. As we filed outside, the sergeant stood by the door with his assistant. "We have to take some of these people back for refitting," he said. "That last man took two steps before his uniform moved."
在聖安東尼奧的萊克蘭空軍基地的頭三天，我們被從一個地方趕到另一個地方去理發、打預防針、領製服。回到營房之後，訓練指導員讓我們穿上製服，在營房前原地解散。不管怎樣，有些製服特別大。我們魚貫而出的時候，中士和他的副手就站在門邊。“我們得將一些人弄回去換一下軍服，”他說，“最後那個人走了兩步，他的製服才動。”
3 視力訓練/Visual Training
The squad were having "visual training". One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. The party was so far away that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly the recruit replied:
"Sixteen men and a sergeant, sir."
"Right; but how do you know there's a sergeant there?"
"He's not doing any digging, sir."
班裏正在進行“視力訓練”。一個聰明伶俐的新兵被班長叫出來數遠處曠野上采掘隊的人數。采掘隊在很遠的地方，那些人看起來隻是一些小點兒。但是這個新兵毫不猶豫的回答:
“十六個士兵和一個中士，長官。”
“正確。可你如何知道那兒有一個中士？”
“他不幹活，長官。”
4 速度限製/Speed Limit
The British RAF base where I was stationed as part of a contingent of USAF personnel had one narrow road winding through the crowded residential area. After a rash of minor vehicle pedestrian accidents, the USAF commander decided to reduce the speed limit to three m.p.h.
Shortly after the new limit was posted, an MP sergeant issued a speeding citation to a jeep driver for going five m.p.h. I was curious to know how the MP had determined the jeep's speed so exactly. "I was jogging to get to the PX before it closed," he explained, "and as I passed the jeep, I noticed that the speedometer read five m.p.h."
我作為美國空軍人員分遣部隊的一員駐紮在英國皇家空軍某地，那裏有一條狹窄的馬路蜿蜒穿過擁擠的居民區。因為多次出現汽車撞傷行人一類不甚嚴重的車禍，美國空軍司令員決定將車速限製在每小時三英裏。
新的車速限製公布後不久，一名騎警中士因一名吉普車司機開車時速達五英裏而給他開了一張超速傳票。我很想知道騎警是怎樣如此精確地知道那輛吉普車的速度的。“我跑步去軍人合作社要在它關門之前到達那裏，”他解釋道：“當我超過吉普車時，我注意到計速器指向了每小時五英裏。”
5 正是士兵/None Other Than a Soldier
As a newly commissioned infantry lieutenant, I was eager to set an example for my platoon by cleaning my own M-16 rifle. While we were working on the weapons, one soldier complained about the unusual notched shape of the M-16's bolt and chamber, which makes it difficult to clean.
"Lieutenant, they need to make something to clean this with," the soldier said.
"They do," piped up a sergeant.
"Really," I said with surprise, wondering why we had not ordered such a tool.
"Yes, sir," replied the sergeant. "It's called a soldier."
作為一名新上任的步兵中尉，我急於通過擦拭自己的M-16式自動步槍給全排作個榜樣。我們一塊擦槍時，一名戰士抱怨由於M-16的槍栓槍膛的特別凹形結構，擦起來十分困難。
“中尉，應該製造一種擦這槍的工具。”士兵說。
“已經製造出來了。”一軍士尖叫。
“真的？”我十分詫異，納悶為什麽我們沒有定購這種工具。
“真的，長官，”軍士答道，“它就是士兵。”
6 搞錯了/A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
一位美國人，一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場車禍中喪生。他們到達天堂的門口。在那裏，慌張的聖彼德解釋說是搞錯了。“每人給我五百美元，”他說，“我將把你們送回人間，就象什麽都沒有發生過一樣。”
“成交!”美國人說。立刻，他發現自己毫無損傷地站在現場附近。
“其他人在哪兒？”一名醫生問道。
“我知道的最後情況是，”那名美國人說，“英格蘭人正在砍價，而那名加拿大人正在爭辯說應該由他的政府來出這筆錢。”
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