1 請假 To Ask For Leave
"So you want another day off,” snorted the teacher to his student，Tom.“I am anxious to hear what excuse you have this time. You have been off for your grandfather's funeral four times already.”
Tom replied，"Today my grandma is getting married again.”
“這麽說，你又要請一天假，”老師怒氣衝衝地對他的學生湯姆說，“我倒想知道你這次找什麽借口。你已經請了四次假說去參加你爺爺的葬禮。”
湯姆回答說:“今天是我奶奶再次舉行婚禮。”
2 我希望您的麵包病好了 I hope your bread gets better
I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand. When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."
我在做麵包，需要把麵團放在一個暖和點的地方使它發起來。我把麵盆放在電熱褥裏，後來就出去幹別的活去了。等我回家時，發現兒子留下一張紙條，上麵寫著：“親愛的媽媽，我希望您的麵包已經病好了。”
3 大五個月 Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
第二次世界大戰開始了，約翰想參軍，可他隻有十六歲，當時規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進行體檢時，他說他已經十八歲了。
可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒幾天，而且也是這個軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。
“你多大了？”軍醫問。
“十八，長官。”約翰說。
“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎？”
約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。”
4 數學教授 A Math Professor
A math professor has just been knocked down by a speeding car. A police officer rushed over and asked“Were you able to get the license number of the vehicle that hit you, sir?”
The professor replied，"Well, not exactly，but I do recall that if the number was multiplied by itself, then divided by three, the square root of the answer would turn out to be the original number with the integers reversed.”
一位數學教授被一倆時速很快的車撞倒了。警察跑過去問:“先生，您能說出撞您的那輛車的車牌號碼嗎?”
教授回答:“嗯，我說不準，可是我記得，如果將號碼自乘，再除以三，然後開方，則平方根正好同原數的次序顛倒過來。”
5 等明年再說 Wait till Next Year
The woman was reading the newspaper as she and her husband were eating breakfast. "Did you hear about this, dear?" she asked. "It seems a man traded his wife for season tickets to the Spurs. You wouldn't do a thing like that, would you, sweetheart?" "No way," answered the husband. "The season's almost half over."
一位女士和她先生正在用早餐，她邊吃邊看報紙。“親愛的，你聽過這則新聞嗎？”她問道。“似乎是一個男的為了看馬刺隊的比賽，用他太太跟人換了球季的門票。你不會那麽做吧，親愛的？”“我才不會那麽傻呢！”先生答道。“今年球季幾乎都過了一大半了."
6 渴望愛情 Thirstin' for Love
Thurston was in the habit of visiting his girl-friend's apartment from time to time, but always managed to get home at a decent hour with a plausible excuse. But this time, both he and his girlfriend had fallen asleep, and it was 2:00 a. m before Thurston came to. Thinking fast, he immediately called home, and when his wife answered, panted, "Don't pay the ransom! I've escaped!"
沙斯敦經常去他女友的公寓住處，但他總是設法找個理由以免太晚回家。但這一次，他和女朋友都睡著了，當他醒來時都已經淩晨兩點了，沙斯敦腦筋一轉，立刻打電話回家，當他太太接電話時，他故意喘著氣說：“千萬不要付贖金！我已經安全逃出來了！”
(from Internet)
