1 這是個法律問題 It’s the Law
A slender, delicate, immaculately dressed Englishman was explaining to the visiting American about British law. "You know, homosexuality was once considered so heinous in Britain that it was punishable by execution. Only 100 years ago, it was reduced to a misdemeanor, and about 50 years ago, decriminalized altogether. . . Personally, I shan't be satisfied till it's mandatory! "
一位身材修長，舉止文雅，穿著光鮮的英國人向來訪的美國人解釋英國法律。“你知道嗎？在英國，同性戀從前被認為是罪大惡極，可判處極刑，一百年前，被減為行為失檢之輕微罪刑。大約五十年前則完全不觸犯刑法……。不過就我個人而言，非要等到法令強製大家都得同性戀時，我才會開心。”
2 也要謙虛為懷 And Modest Too
"The man I marry must be as wise as Solomon, as mighty as Hercules, as brave as Admiral Nelson, and as graceful as Nureyev.”
"How fortunate we met!”
“我要結婚的對象必須要像所羅門王一樣聰明，像赫克力士一樣強壯，像納爾遜上將一樣英勇，並和蘇聯芭蕾舞蹈家諾瑞耶夫一樣優雅。”
“很幸運能見到你！”
3 爬得越高跌得越重 The Bigger They Are the Harder They Fall
The psychiatrist was a bit perturbed. He had cured his patient of his delusions but still the man did not seem happy.
"What's the matter, Mr. Jones?" he inquired. "Aren't you glad to be dealing with the world realistically?"
"Oh, sure. Doc, sure.... Only, last year I was Genghis Khan(成吉思汗) and now I' m nobody ! "
一位心理醫師感到有些厭煩。他已治好一名病人的幻想症，但那名患者似乎仍然不快樂。
“到底是怎麽一回事，瓊斯先生？”他詢問道。“難道你不喜歡踏實地麵對周圍的一切嗎？
“喔，是的，醫生，我是很願意。隻是去年我還是成吉思汗，現在我成了無名之輩！”
4 不費吹灰之力 NO Sweat!
There were four passengers in the small aircraft as it sputtered over the Andes; a businessman, an inventor, a priest and a laid -back budget traveler.
Suddenly the pilot entered the cabin and told them the horrible news: "Gentlemen, the plane is going down. I'm going to try to crash-land it, but you must all jump. "
Naturally, the men were horrified and even more so when they discovered that there were only three parachutes.
The businessman said, "Sirs, I employ thousands of people. Their lives and those of their families depend on me. I think you'll agree that I must survive. “He promptly put on a parachute and leaped.
The inventor rose, already adjusting the straps. "I'm the smartest man in the world. My inventions have transformed the lives of millions. There’s no telling how much good I may yet do. Goodbye. “And he, too, jumped from the plane.
The priest was serene, and interrupted his prayers to speak to the traveler. "I am a man of God, my son; I have no fear of death. Take the last parachute and save your life. "
"Hey, it’s cool, Father. There’re still two parachutes left. The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane wearing my backpack. "
一架正飛越安第斯山脈的小飛機上坐著四名乘客：一名商人，一名發明家，一位神父和一個靠預算過日子、看起來懶懶散散的旅行者。
突然，駕駛員走進艙告訴他們可怕的消息：“各位先生，這架飛機正失控下降中，我要設法迫降，但你們必須先跳下飛機。”
當然，那幾個人都嚇得目瞪口呆，尤其是當他們發現隻有三個降落傘可以使用時，更是心驚膽戰。
那名商人說道：“各位先生，我雇用好幾千名員工，他們都要靠我養家活口，我想你們都同意我必須活著回去。”說著他便穿上一具降落傘跳出飛機去。
接著發明家站了起來，調整了肩帶說道：“我是世界上最聰明的人，我的發明改變了成千上萬人的生活。我還會對大眾造多少福難以估計。再見了，各位！”他也跟著跳出機艙。
神父心平氣和，中斷禱告，對旅行者說道：“小夥子，我是信奉上帝的人，我對死並不畏懼，剩下的降落傘你就拿去用，逃命去吧！”
“嘿，神父，真是太棒了！我們還有兩個降落傘。那個自稱世界上最聰明的人背了我的背包跳出去了。”
5 哇！那個真是大得嚇人 Wow! That's a Bi g One!
One day a tourist walked into a Texas tavern and ordered a shot of whiskey. The bartender put a big tumbler full of whiskey in front of him.
"What’s this?" asked the tourist.
"Why, it’s a shot of whiskey! Don't you know that everything is big in Texas?"
Then, an armadillo ran past the door.
“What was that?" asked the tourist.
"Why, that was a Texas cockroach.”
By this time, the whiskey had gone to the tourist's bladder as well as his head, and he asked the location of the bathroom. The bartender directed him to go down the hall and to the right, but the tourist turned left instead and fell into the swimming pool.
The bartender heard the splash and went to investigate. As he put his head in the door, he heard the tourist cry. "Don’t flush the toilet!”
某一天一位觀光客走進一家德州酒店點了一杯威士忌，酒保競給他一大杯的酒。
“這是什麽呢？，’觀光客問道。
“怎麽了，那是你點的酒，難道你不知道德州每樣東西都大得嚇人。”
那時剛好有一隻穿山甲跑過酒店門口。
“那是什麽東西？’觀光客又問。
“哦，那是隻德州蟑螂！”
喝了酒，觀光客感到腹脹頭昏，他問哪裏有洗手間，酒保告訴他下樓後右轉，但觀光客卻向左轉，跌落在酒店的遊泳池中。
酒保聽到水聲跑出去看個究竟，剛把頭伸進門就聽到觀光客大叫，“不要按動馬桶衝水喲！
6 你能不能快一點？ Could You Hurry It up a little?
A man and his wife were cleaning out the attic when the husband found an ancient receipt.
"Hey, Nancy, look at this. It's a receipt for a pair of shoes I left to be repaired and never picked up. It’s eleven years old."
"You know, that shoe repair shop is still there," replied the wife.
"Why don't you just drop in there and hand him the receipt as if it were nothing unusual.”
And that is what the husband did. Quietly the cobbler went to the back of his shop and poked around a bit, came back to the counter and said "They’ll be ready next Tuesday.”
一對夫婦正在清理閣樓，這時先生發現一張過期很久的舊收據。
“嘿，南茜，你過來看看這個，這張是以前皮鞋送修的收據，我忘了去拿回來，足足有十一年之久了！”
“那間鞋店不是還在那裏嗎？”妻子回答。
“為什麽不跑一趟，把收據交給他，就當作沒事發生一樣？"
先生去了那家鞋店。鞋匠靜靜地走到後頭，東翻西翻了一會兒之後，回到櫃台說道：“下星期二才能修好！”
(from Internet)
