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I totally agree that marriage IS all about compromise. Sometimes we may even wonder where the sweet love we used to have went. None of that seems to remain after years of marriage. All we are doing day after day is endless tolerance. But then, 20 or 30 or 40 years later, or even longer than that, we realize that the compromise itself was love we've been seeking for, deeper than the romance we had at the very begining, for without that no couple could walk through worst days hand in hand. I am not there yet.
As for my 2 cents on your case, it surely would help if you talk to the boyfriend ahead of time and come to a kind of agreement with him. But my experience said such agreement might not last once the couple become a family. A good example is how easily we forget about our wedding vows when we are in conflicts. I can die for my hubby, but I can not bear with his not taking a shower before going to bed! So yeh, just as C said, "love is not just a feeling, it is a decision. A decision to make it work no matter what." This man may remain unchanged, do you not love him because he has this problem? Or are you determined to love him no matter what? If you are determined, make sure you are aware what it takes - life-long compromise. We exercise love by that means. If love were an easy task, and anyone could do it easily, it wouldn't be as valuable and meaningful.
Yes, it's all about love. Believe it or not, I often think it's easier to love an enemy than a spouse, because we do not live with our enemies every day.
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歌兒按：歌友會的朋友們大部分跟我一樣是無名的忠實讀者。她這陣子閉關去了，一直沒更新博客，相信大家和我一樣都對她非常想念。
很難得我今天在網上抓住了她，借著追問阿小J的生日party的事情跟她聊了會兒。借著這個生日party又順便探討了一下前兩天PP在幸福花裏問過的那個問題，具體的內容我就不轉貼過來了。不過無名送了上麵那一段'two cents'給我，並且批準我張貼在我的博客，借此作為籌碼，讓我轉告一下三豐子，她最近看了本好書，叫做《佐賀的超級阿嬤》。她沒寫讀後感，所以我既然傳了這個話，就等著三豐子讀完了給咱上讀後感吧。:) 當然了，她之所以想到跟三豐子推薦這本書，是因為我把三豐子在阿小葛博客提到她最近看的那本書當傳話筒給傳過去了，無名這是投桃報李。至於那本書是什麽，不知道的可以等三豐子來解答。
無名的two cents來源於她給一個朋友博客的回複。我不太知道人家是否同意轉載，就不擅自提供鏈接了。大家別怪我。
另外給關心無名的朋友上一段她自己對最近生活的小結：看了一些好書，走了一些地方，識了一些朋友，想了一些事情，懂了一些道理。
聽起來還不錯，大家不要太惦記了。 |
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