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Ivy League Schools Ranked by Attractiveness
That’s what Conan O’Brien did when he gave the commencement address to Dartmouth’s Class of 2011. This speech on Ivy League stereotypes may have stumbled upon some kernels of wisdom. Let’s take a look at one hilarious excerpt in particular:
“Because if Harvard, Yale, and Princeton are your self-involved, vain, name-dropping older brothers, you are the cool, sexually confident, lacrosse playing younger sibling who knows how to throw a party and looks good in a down vest. Brown, of course, is your lesbian sister who never leaves her room. And Penn, Columbia, and Cornell …..well, frankly, who gives a s***!”
Jokes aside, was O’Brien onto something when he characterized Dartmouth’s athletic, nature-loving student body as the coolest and most attractive in the Ivy League?
Ivy League Schools Ranked by Attractiveness
Several years ago, Ivy Coach decried a study that purported to use data from the dating app Tinder to determine that the University of Pennsylvania has the most attractive student body. Thankfully, another such ludicrous study with suspect methodology has not surfaced in the intervening years. Why would dating apps have anything to do with student attractiveness? Wouldn’t the most desirable students be in relationships and, hence, off of the apps? And besides, everyone knows that the only natural way to probe student attractiveness is the O’Brien way — through stereotypes, reputation, and caricature!
We hope our readers will indulge us in our fun with this topic. It goes without saying that this sort of lurid speculation is not a precise science or even a legitimate inquiry. Setting aside these disclaimers, look at Ivy Coach’s ranking of Ivy League schools by attractiveness with an open mind and a well-adjusted sense of humor.
1. Dartmouth College
Dartmouth’s students are physically active, intelligent, and motivated. The healthy lifestyle is built into campus culture, making for a good-looking student body that photographs well in glossy marketing brochures (especially those hunky male lacrosse players!).
2. Brown University
Brown University’s students are famously happy (or so the stereotypes say!), and this positive attitude glows from within and without. The women at Brown, in particular, are quite pretty. They might spend their days tree-hugging and counter-culturing, but they sure look good doing it!
3. University of Pennsylvania
Okay, fine. We will grant the University of Pennsylvania an honorable third-place slot on this list based on that 2016 study that based everything off of Tinder. But this is the last you will hear about it!
4. Columbia University
Columbia University’s students are attractive because, well, New Yorkers at large are a good-looking crowd. These kids can access the world’s most incredible shopping, street-style inspiration, and nightlife. Why wouldn’t they look attractive?
5. Harvard University
Harvard University’s students are nothing if not image-obsessed. You have to have an ego to brave the application process, and this quirk of the student body also manifests in highly-groomed appearances and style.
6. Yale University
Yale University might play second fiddle to Harvard (and Columbia, Brown, and Dartmouth) regarding student attractiveness. It’s no fault of their own; they’re just up against some stiff competition!
7. Cornell University
Cornell University’s student body is far too big to ascribe to any one set of physical characteristics or styles. Sure, they spend a lot of time outdoors, but they have nothing on Dartmouth’s athletic culture.
8. Princeton University
We hate to say it, but the geniuses over at Princeton University are, according to us, dead last! These students would likely say they’re too dignified to pretend to care about looks. And you know what? They’re probably right!
