nice try, but 參與商are not only far away
1. 參與商是中國古代的星宿名,按照當今天文學的星座劃分,參星是現在的獵戶座,商星是天蠍座。參星在西而商星在東,當一個上升,另一個下沉,永不相見。辜譯sounds closer.
2.your translation of 世事兩茫茫doesn't seem very accurate. A lot of modern Chinese paraphrases read it as "人情世事竟然都如此渺茫".
My humble opinions.